Note: Any suggestion that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
How did this item affect my emotional side?
I am not a fan of war because I am not a fan of death, especially the death of young men and women; however, that does not mean I do not enjoy a well told war story. My emotions peaked in numerous directions while I read this short story. Would the young soldier make it home to meet his baby? Would the remaining soldiers return home to their families? Inevitably, the most asked question I have is how long will it take them to return to "normal" once they do arrive back home, if they get so lucky? You took me on a highly emotional ride here!
Was the message contained within unique and thought provoking? Or comical and entertaining?
The message of the short story was most definitely thought provoking as I showed above with my emotions.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read?
The writing style is nice and smooth and is not over-burdened with an abundance of adjectives and adverbs allowing the reader to stay focused.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through?
The item did have my full attention mid-way through and kept it through to the end. I do have one thing I would like to mention though... at the end, when Pete showed up in the tank, I, the reader, had no idea who it was. I ended up having to go back to the first paragraph and re-read to understand that Pete had not been with them the entire time. You never want your reader to have to return to a previous section to get an understanding of what is happening.
Is this a piece that I would highly recommend to my friends and family to read?
Yes, I would recommend this short war story to my friends and family to read.
What did I find most compelling?
It appears that the author knows quite a bit about fighting in a war. I found the wording to be spot on, at least for a reader who has no military background whatsoever.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Stop it Sargent, he thought to himself. "Stop it Sargent" should be in italics since it is a personal thought.
Now soldier, Go!" Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe anytime a title is used in place of a person's name, i.e. "soldier", it should be capitalized. There are a few instances of this throughout the story.
but they said they didn't know when they could send it. Consider: "but they said they don't know when they can send it."
"Take cover! Head for the building." I would use an exclamation point for both rather than just the first. In a time such as this, excitement and anxiety is abounding.
In the distance they heard the Grenades going off. Should "Grenades" be capitalized?
"We found them Sarge," Insert a comma before "Sarge".
"Don't thank me, your the one we should be thanking. "your" should be "you're"
III. OVERALL OPINION
I think this is a well thought out short story that depicted a very memorable moment for a soldier... the ending moment when his lost locket was found and given back to him. I could literally feel his relief when the sergeant handed it to him; it brought a tear to my eye! Thank you so much for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest if it is still running.
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "A Crayon Colored Heart" for Round Two in ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
This piece invoked a different kind of sadness for me, the reader. Oftentimes when we read about a "broken heart", we tend to relate it to our own broken heart; however, this piece offered a different stance - the broken heart of a loved one - which offers a complete different sadness... one that seems to leave an even stronger feeling of helplessness. Fantastic job in bringing me straight into your words.
RHYTHM/RHYME
They rhythm and rhyme are perfect; each line flowed smoothly into the next and none of the rhymes are forced at all. Both of these are characteristics of a masterpiece!
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
No spelling or grammatical issues to be seen! Awesome!
WHAT I LIKED
As I already mentioned, I like that you took me on a different type of broken heart; one belonging to someone else, rather than ourselves. It is from being able to see it from the outside when we can often break our own patterns.
FAVORITE PART
"To her pillow, I placed a lace trimmed note.
Upon it, a purple crayon colored heart.
My scribbled love letter offered much hope.
Her first smile I'd seen since they'd been apart."
IMPROVEMENTS
I have no suggestions whatsoever for any improvements!
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
While I do, very much, agree with upholding our Constitution, I do not subscribe to a society that drug tests professional athletes and waitresses yet refuses to test police officers. I am a former drug addict and have lived both sides of being tested... the one where I had to go to extremes to try and pass (just for a data entry job) to where I beg for someone to test me because I no longer have to hide anything. In my mind and my opinion, it is not an invasion of privacy when an entire community depends on someone's clarity. But, what it boils down to most for me, if you require it for one, you require it for all. Police officers should not be immune to what is already prevalent in America.
Now, with my opinion being stated, I would like to tell you that I very much enjoyed reading your article. You have a great way with words and the art of persuasion. I love how you concluded with a quote - that is always a favorite of mine! I am glad that I was able to inspire you to write this particular piece; who knows.. maybe this inspired me to do a follow-up that is not so one-sided but perhaps a little bit more relaxed and unbiased!
The poem delivers a simple message narrating the troubles that can be experienced from day to day that concludes with a positive suggestion on how to deal with them. I believe that any reader will be able to relate to these words.
RHYTHM/RHYME
I enjoyed the rhyme and only have one suggestion for the rhythm that I will mention below under "Improvements"
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
There are no spelling or grammatical errors. Great job!
WHAT I LIKED
I like the positivity that trumps the negative issues!! I always say, "Get out of the problem and into the solution" and this poem does just that!
FAVORITE PART
Enjoy what you’ve got and not what you lack
IMPROVEMENTS
The line: "It don’t really matter so long as we’ve still got today" does not seem to flow with the rest of the poem; it is just a tad too long in my personal opinion. I would suggest omitting "so long as" and replacing it with "while" or something along that line.
Thank you for sharing your personal work with us all!
Note: Any suggestion that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. THOUGHTS FROM A READER
How did this item affect my emotional side? This item struck a serious note in me and said a lot of things I wish I could say as eloquently. The sad thing about myself is, I tend to get too frustrated with people who take the easy way out of a discussion by blaming it all on, as you say, politics or religion. Let us please delve inside our own selves and analyze the issue for what it truly is, always having the objective of resolving it rather than just placing blame. Ten years ago, I was in a place in life where everything that was going on in America was tearing my guts out but I could not get anyone to even listen to my points - primarily because I was too angry. It took me a number of years, but once I calmed down, I noticed people would attempt to listen; I was just trying to educate (I am an avid researcher and never take anything for face value so I truly believed in my theories - conspiracy or otherwise). However, as I calmed down, I also noticed that my concern about the issues drastically dwindled. I was unable to reach anyone when the issues really disturbed me, so why try again? Sadly and ironically, I am a much happier person than I used to be when I let the issues of America bother me. Please don't get me wrong, I still care, but now it's on much more of a micro than a macro level; I tend to focus more on helping with local charities and organizations than fighting with my government (perhaps I just didn't know how to fight correctly).
Was the message contained within unique and thought provoking? Or comical and entertaining? The message contained within was most definitely thought provoking.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The writing style was perfect for my desired reading.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? This piece held my attention from start to finish, and actually, STILL has my full attention!
Is this a piece that I would highly recommend to my friends and family to read? I found myself wanting to take bits and pieces and share them on facebook so my 1,000+ friends could take some notes! Yes, I would most definitely recommend this to EVERYONE to read.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
(no matter if, of certain religion, race, sexual orientation, or religion) Religion is mentioned twice... is that on purpose?
III. OVERALL OPINION I believe I stated my overall opinion in the very beginning of the review. I am grateful for open-minded thinkers such as yourself; knowing you are out there restores bits of my faith in humanity! Thank you so much for sharing.
Note: Any suggestion that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
How did this item affect my emotional side? As with your previous works of writing, I was comically entertained.
Was the message contained within unique and thought provoking? Or comical and entertaining? This piece about a "whistling" King was unique and comical. I could actually visualize the goings on every time he blew his whistle. My favorite part of the piece is the line: "BRING ME BREAD" he exclaims as he fondles his bling." HA!! Fondles his bling!
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? This author's writing style is easy to follow for all ages of readers. The words are down to earth so as not to force the reader to read numerous times, grasping for the meaning of the message. These are the pieces I most enjoy reading.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? Yes, this piece had my full attention mid-way through and all the way to the end. I caught myself trying to remember how many whistles for what task and/or person!
Is this a piece that I would highly recommend to my friends and family to read? Yes indeed. I would highly recommend this funny piece to my friends and family to read.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
I have no suggestions at all to offer; this piece was written flawlessly in my opinion.
III. OVERALL OPINION This author has become one of my new favorite poets. It is such a nice break to find a port so full of witty comedy (especially after a long day at work. )
Thank you again for the entertainment! I shall be snooping around your port some more, so get used to me!
Hello! On behalf of the "The Rockin' Reviewers" , brought to you by the Paper Doll Gang, I am happy to offer you my review of your item, {bitemv:1942237}
Note: Any suggestion that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
How did this item affect my emotional side? It made me giggle out loud!
Was the message contained within unique and thought provoking? Or comical and entertaining? The message contained within was all of the above: unique, thought provoking, comical and entertaining!
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? Most definitely.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? It certainly did.
Is this a piece that I would highly recommend to my friends and family to read? I would recommend this funny piece to anyone who enjoys a giggle!
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
"before long I found that my food he'd been nabbin" I would suggest using an apostrophe at the end of "nabbin" since it is a shortened form of "nabbing".
III. OVERALL OPINION Overall, I am excited about perusing your port on an adventure to discover your other treasures! Thank you so much for sharing this with us all!
I want to start by expressing how much I enjoy reading your writing. Your style is one that I believe is perfect for readers; you have a vast vocabulary but do not go overboard. I am a very wordy person myself but shy away from writers who believe they have to suffocate the reader with 15 letter words every couple of sentences.
My ONLY suggestion, and this is just for aesthetic purposes, is to include a space between your paragraphs... it just makes it easier to read.
I can't wait for you to get more of your writings on here!
** Animated Images For Use By Premium+ Only ** ** Animated Images For Use By Premium+ Only **
Hi Whitemorn! Thank you for sharing your view on sports related injuries with a focus on professional football. I am an avid football fan - GO BOYS! - so I am familiar with both sides of this debate/discussion.
I enjoyed reading this but do have a couple of suggestions to offer; they are for you to do with whatever you please.
First, I would like to see you develop a topic sentence that will draw your readers in... perhaps use a question to entice them. Also, a good thesis statement is imperative for narratives such as this. The reader should know where you are going by the end of the first paragraph.
I was with you through the first five paragraphs and then you took me on a completely different avenue for your subject matter. Granted, this might have been your plan, but it traveled drastically away from what I thought to be the thesis: injuries from playing football. I just think that you ventured a little too far off; perhaps you could write another narrative on the benefits of being a professional athlete!
Your conclusion was spot on!!
You have a great talent for writing, just stick to the main point at hand so as not to confuse the readers. Allow them the best opportunity to take your viewpoint (using statistics like you did in the beginning is a fantastic way to do just that).
Please use any suggestions that you like and dismiss any that you don't. I am only here to offer my personal opinions.
Your description of "Confession" states that it is a "fictional" confession but for me it was all too real. Well, the addiction part that is. I never had to confess as I was unable to hide mine (I was addicted to methamphetamine for 25 years).
I absolutely love how the female character chose to stay by his side, for better for worse. This doesn't happen much these days and it offered a refreshing feeling and restored faith in humanity.
Hi Blade!! Welcome to WDC!!! I hope you enjoy the site at least half as much as I have over the years.
"The Drive" held my attention from beginning to end as your writing is smooth and interesting. I kept waiting for something bad to happen, probably because I hate driving in these types of conditions. On Dean's last cigarette, I began to wonder if he would drop it and inevitably catch the car on fire which would be quite the opposite from the ice: fire and ice!
The ending reinforced my personal habit of refraining to drive in icy situations.
First, I would like to welcome you to the WDC world! I hope that you enjoy it here just half as much as I have over the years.
I love the message of "Compromise" and agree with every aspect that is mentioned. I detest greed, judgment, condemnation and selfishness and believe them all to be equal evils that have destroyed humanity in many ways.
While I enjoyed reading your beliefs, I would like to suggest that you consider using more punctuation in proper places in order to make your message flow more smoothly for your readers. Also, and this is only a mere suggestion, I liked how you began your message with examples of empires that were once strong and would like to see you use more examples throughout to make your points that much stronger. As I said though, this is merely a suggestion to increase the strength of what you already have here.
Again, welcome to WDC! Hope to read more of your work very soon!
Thank you so much for the writingML refresher! I have been on hiatus from the site for a couple of years while focusing on my higher education. When I returned today, I must admit that I was completely lost and could not remember even the most basic of the writingML. But after reading through the help, I think I am good to go!
First, I would like to welcome you to WDC! I bet you will absolutely love it here.
I am guessing that this is written about an upcoming birthday... perhaps hitting 30 or the Big 4-0. I love the undertone of the message as it explores both negative and positive aspects of life - something everyone experiences and can relate to - but focuses on only positive outcomes.
I thought the poem flowed smoothly until the line that reads: "My eyes have seen, my lips have kissed"... the rest of the lines rhyme but this one stands alone and it threw me off; I actually had to go back a few lines and start reading again. I enjoy the message of that line so I definitely would not omit it, rather include another line that enhances it with rhyme.
First, I would like to welcome you to WDC! I just returned back to the site after a couple year hiatus where I placed all my focus on my higher education, Your "letter/memo" is the first item I have read since returning!
Coming from a person who was never able to have children, I understand your message on a personal level. Throughout my life, (I am 43 years old), I helped raise three step-children and two nieces, yet still, I have experienced the same judgment you have. Although I could spend countless hours arguing your plight along with you, a large majority of parents will hold to their beliefs that those who are childless are clueless. Do not let them hinder you; do not let them get under your skin. Oftentimes, it is them judging their own mistakes in parenting.
I appreciate the voice in which this letter is written. You are kind, yet stern; that is a sign of an educated and enlightened person.
I am not going to offer any suggestions on edits as there were only a few inconsequential punctuation errors. Only thing I would suggest, to make the reading flow a tad smoother for the readers, is to leave a space between paragraphs (that is just a personal preference for me.)
Thank you for sharing your story with us and write on!
I love the message being delivered here. I am one who will always hold a door open for all walks of life: young or old, male or female, appreciative or not... wait, no I don't continue to hold doors open for those who aren't appreciative. I will literally tell them "you're welcome" just as hateful as I can. I know that isn't the proper way to be but I am thoroughly disturbed by their belief that I was put there for them at that moment. Thank you for sharing your lesson with us all!
Wow!!! This is intensity at its best! Each word providing its own visual description of Life. This is true talent and I am glad for the opportunity to have feasted my eyes upon it. Thank you for sharing with us all.
Hello🌕 HuntersMoon. After reading "The Old Fishin' Hole" , I would like to offer you your final review for your package win in the Wishes Upon A Star Auction. I hope you have enjoyed having me in your port! Thank you so much for all the entertainment!!!
A true to life, albeit comical, little country ditty about the state of most of our wallets and pocketbooks. EMPTY!!
MY FAVORITE PART
What few dollars remained were soon under duress
and sucked into a black hole called the "I.R.S."
By the time all the leeches had sucked up my blood,
I was left with five dollars and my dog named "Bud".
SUGGESTIONS
Again, not a suggestion one do I have to offer!
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I love this one for many reasons, but I think mainly for the learned lesson that is summarized in the end. The majority of us can relate to the empty pockets, but can we all say we have learned how to roll with the punches of the failing economy? Yes, we need money... but we also need to be happy and money just doesn't provide the happiness that comes from the peace we find by connecting with the natural world around us; the world that doesn't cost a penny and that IRS can't tax!! Thank you for another splendid and brilliant write!!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon. After reading "Growing Old Isn't For Sissies" , I would like to offer you your sixth review of seven for your package win in the Wishes Upon A Star Auction hosted byvery thankful. Please accept what is helpful and disregard anything that is not.
A detailed and humorous piece about aging gracefully! This is awesome!
MY FAVORITE PART
Now my memory gets spotty.
It's a challenge I am facing.
I caught a lady yesterday
but forgot why I was chasing.
I still enjoy a drink or two
though it oft comes to naught.
More than one beer is wasted.
I have to pee a lot.
SUGGESTIONS
Ya know, I tried to find something, anything wrong with this poem, but could not! Therefore, I have no suggestions to offer for improvement!
OVERALL IMPRESSION
The picture you have included is more than perfect. The image lingered in my mind the entire time I read and added more humor to the message. You have to be my favorite poet of all time. You are fully capable of entertaining your reader in a variety of subject matters. Thank you for sharing your pure talent with the entire WDC world!
What else should our lives be but the most thrilling experience imaginable
Of playing the lead character of a never ending best seller
Of composing each note to create that most celestial melody
Of rejoicing in the cool currents as we float towards our destiny
SUGGESTIONS
Of reaching forward to embrace our fortune There is nothing "wrong" with this sentence; however, I would like to suggest that you use a word similar to "embrace" as it was used just two lines previous to this one. I found it a tad redundant.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
Oh my goodness!!!! This is truly one of my all time favorite reads. I honestly believe this should be printed on posters and plastered on the walls of every bank, doctor's office, convenient store, grocery store, department store, etc... for ALL the world to admire and adopt. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS WITH US!!!! I am marking this as one of my faves and hope you don't mind if I "spotlight" it on my WDC web page.
Hello jaya. After reading "Family Reunion " , I would like to offer you your fifth review of nine gifted to you by your friend, Mike~Dolphins Fan 4 Life, on behalf of the "Invalid Item" . Please accept what is helpful and disregard anything that is not.
An endearing piece depicting fond memories from a family reunion.
MY FAVORITE PART
The group moved on to the moonlit lawn of Cupid and Venus
SUGGESTIONS
The only suggestion I have is to make it a bit longer. I would love for you to embellish on some of the fond memories spent with family and loved ones.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
Although I would have liked this to be longer, I still enjoyed reliving this family reunion with you. I could see the whole gang gathering out under the stars as the finale of the reunion drew near. I am from a tiny family who never plans reunions. I am saddened to say that is probably a good thing though, as most of the family members really don't care much for each other. So, I just "reunion" with my mother every day!! Thank you for sharing this with us all and keep up the great work!
A short and concise piece that offers a glimpse inside the author's thoughts about self-attained, inner peace.
MY FAVORITE PART
If there was ever a need for crystallization, it would have to be for my thoughts. Too often they are clouded, and in dire need of positive injection.
SUGGESTIONS
they continue to influence, and shape how my life is, Consider removing the comma after "influence" as it caused me to pause unnaturally.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I am very impressed by your style of writing. You speak fluently to your reading audience and offer them an opportunity to get inside themselves to discover their own thoughts about both positive and negative energies that surround us all. I am huge on both aspects that encompass our lives and agree that there must be a balance of both energies. It is finding that balance that is the true challenge, then keeping it once it is found. I thank you very much for speaking your thoughts on this matter. Know that I am always on your side in your search for the positive!!! Keep up the great work and Merry Christmas!!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon. After reading "Hallucinations of the Heart" , I would like to offer you your fourth review of seven on behalf of the "Invalid Item" . Please accept what is helpful and disregard anything that is not.
A poem that begins with a lesson and turns into quite the comical piece! This is awesome!
MY FAVORITE PART
Pure love is perfection which few attain.
Most settle for less, amidst all the glitz.
As for myself, I'll avoid all the pain.
Can't we just be friends...
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions to offer, although I tried very hard to find something wrong with this!! LOL
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I just want to make mention that I left out a piece of my favorite part above, so as not to ruin the ending for all future readers. I love how you take me on a serious ride with a lesson that needs to be learned, then quickly finish my reading experience off with your comical nature! I admire your ability to invoke more than one emotion in me in so few lines and words. Keep up the awesome work, my very dear friend!!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon. After reading "Party Platter" , I would like to offer you your final review of five. I do hope you enjoyed me visiting your port as much as I enjoyed it!
Oh my goodness! What a delicious feast with a comical twist!
MY FAVORITE PART
As the drinks and evening moved on, we hit upon the scheme
to show culinary appreciation by licking the platters clean.
From nervousness to full out lust – the meal proved a success
and everyone enjoyed themselves and no one made a mess!
SUGGESTIONS
We did away with knives and forks, they just were no good. To me, when I read this line out loud, it sounded better when I reversed the order of "they just were no good" to "they were just no good". This could just be me though.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
Although there were a couple of spots that didn't seem to flow as naturally as all your other poetry, I was still held captive by your talent. What I like best about this particular erotic piece is how it took me on a couple of different journeys. At first, I thought it was going to be a "swap meet", but was delighted to learn that it wasn't. The ending is incredible and I couldn't help but literally laugh out loud. Thank you again for another masterpiece!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon. After reading "Hearts On The Street" , I would like to offer you your third review of five on behalf of the "Invalid Item" . Please accept what is helpful and disregard anything that is not.
This is a piece that needs to be read and understood by the masses.
MY FAVORITE PART
The grasping hands, the dance of skin, in cars and alleyways,
have not dimmed the love she feels, have not dimmed her gaze
toward a future where her kids can escape their destined role.
These momentary degradations cannot touch her soul.
SUGGESTIONS
I do not have one single suggestion to offer this amazing piece.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
This is, by far, one of my all time favorites. Not just from your port, but from every one of them that I have visited - EVER!! The message contained within reminds me of the old Bob Seger song, "Turn the Page" and the video that Metallica made when they redid the song. You are so right to urge us all to never judge, for we do not know what is in the hearts of others. We do not know WHY some people do the things they do and we are way too quick to shun when we have no real clue. Thank you for driving this point home through such a captivating poem.
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How did this item affect my emotional side? 
Stop it Sargent, he thought to himself.
"Stop it Sargent" should be in italics since it is a personal thought. 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
HEART POETRY CONTEST~
I have no suggestions at all to offer; this piece was written flawlessly in my opinion. 
Again, not a suggestion one do I have to offer!
