"Ponder is a strange word add comma here but it is a fun word to say."
"It’s not relating." Relating what to what? Relating doesn't really stand on it's own.
"How can I appraise... ...no consequence." Needs a "?" at the end, and why are you pondering things of no consequence?
"It was wet out because it had rained so that wasn’t unusual." This sentence is really redundant. You could write, "It had just rained, so the sidewalks were still wet..." or something similar. Also, what wasn't unusual? The wet or the worm?
"I thought (oops, I meant pondered)... ...the temperature drop." This is a bit awkward. I would just stick with "pondered", get rid of "thought" followed by the parenthetical. Also, you can either put the thought in quotation marks, or turn the verbs into past perfect. Example: "I pondered, 'why did this worm wander...'" or "I pondered why this worm had wandered..." And the pondering needs to have a question mark.
"What in the world is going on here?" Since this is a past tense story, the "is" should be "was".
"They were apparently dead, due to exposure"
"couldn’t they have met just as easily met underground?"
"Well add comma here I pondered while"
"walking to work add comma here then my ponder changed."
"being late for work." Need question mark at the end of a question.
"I don’tdidn't think a horny worm excuse"
"you are not in a duhh stage." I would suggest quotation marks around the "duhh".
"skunk wouldn't have squirt me" "have squirted"
"hospital for a week" Need punctuaiton at the end.
"We can ponder about ponder." Suggestion: "We can all ponder about pondering."
"So much to ponder add comma here so little"
This is very cute! I enjoyed reading your ponderings about the worm! That's exactly the sort of thing I would think, lol! I do have a couple suggestions, though. I love the little side story, but I think it ends rather abruptly. There needs to be a bit more of transition between the end of the story and the rest of the "pondering". Also, try to make sure you keep the whole monologue in the same tense.
Other than that, this was really funny! It made me ponder! Thanks for sharing!
Wow! I really like this poem! The first stanza was a bit confusing the first three times I read it, because I didn't realize you were talking about a painting. I think that's my fault.
Why would evoking the abbatoir leave you naked? I know that the line is "naked and reeling", but why naked? Like your walls have been stripped away so everyone can see the real you "naked"? Is it a painter's term that I'm not understanding?
I really like the teapot similies. But, wasn't Aladdin's lamp gold? Or do you mean it's shaped like Aladdin's lamp, and just happens to be a nice pretty blue?
Very good intentions! However, there are a few things I'd like to point out.
1) You misspell quite a few words, including "most" in your brief description.
2) This reads like a rant. It's perfectly fine to post a rant on Writing.com, however, if you want people to take you seriously, it needs to read more professionally.
3) Your guidelines are very general, and don't include much information or explanation. Perhaps you could include more ideas, and sort them by what makes you ""
Otherwise, this did include some ideas that I hadn't read before in other reviewing guides. Thanks for sharing your ideas!
PS- I will definately take your last peice of advice if, when/if you take any of my suggestions, you send me an email letting me know. I'd be glad to raise my rating. ^__^
PPS- I'm sending gps because reviewing guides are important! ^__^
Wow. Very cute, nice moral. I think that if I had known that this was intended to be a short piece (as evidence by your word count), I would have been more open while I was reading it. So I would suggest putting the word count in the description or something. ^__^
Taking that into account, very nice! Good scene captured in very few words. I definately liked the twist. ^__^
This is funny! I can definately see it happening. However, it seems a bit rushed. It did do a great job of stressing me out like the lottery winner, however, there was no pause for relief when the wife pulled out the ticket. It seemed like a great big stressful buildup that didn't have a big breaking point.
"I knew she was going to kill me. So I headed towards the window to jump out the twelve story building. Right after I lifted the window she pulled out the ticket from her purse."
Specifically, I think this paragraph could use more prose, about him not wanting to jump maybe, or his fear of her noticing. Then maybe start a new paragraph for the finding of the ticket, and show us his relief first, followed by his sudden realization that she shouldn't have the ticket. Then you can finish it with the comical dragging of the wife's sister.
Overall, very cute and funny. ^__^
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Thanks for sharing!
I think that's my fault.
"