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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lazerblade
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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review of Jennifer  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hmm...I like it. It was too short! I wanted to read more about Jennifer and the big ugly goon that was attacking her, but alas, I understand it was for a micro-fiction contest, so it is great for the length you had to keep it at. You pulled me in immediately and kept my attention until the end. The only thing I ran into was that I was confused for a brief moment between paragraph 2 and 3, only because paragraph 2 is like a mini flashback and paragraph 3 goes back to the action, but it took me a moment to figure out that the shotgun was in the closet she was hiding in and not above the bed the man had been pinning her to. I guess an easy fix would be to mention that it is a closet shelf she is pulling the shotgun down from. Otherwise, I like it alot! Good job. :)
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Review of The Candy Store  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting story. I must say that it was an easy read (this is a compliment). It wasn't bogged down with too much detail or uneccesary description.
The character of Swen reminds me of who we all wish we knew...someone kind-hearted and giving, without any demand for riches or greed. I am curious though if by some odd twist of fate this is a true story.
Just reading about the chocolates lined up like soldiers made my mouth water for some candy and coffee at a nearby coffeehouse. Very good story...a good fast read that helps on a rough day...I sort of wish someone would offer me half a candy store for a dollar in exchange for my current job!
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Review of Prophetess  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I liked your overall story. Very interesting idea about a traveling prophetess. I know you meant this to be a short
story but I would like to see a little bit more description of Cassandra. What I mean by this is what does her hair look like, what color are her eyes, and the part where you say that any man who would try to take her purse were soon regretting it...why? Show us how violent and self capable she is of protecting herself before she enters the tavern so you'll have your reader in even more suspense, knowing what she is capable of and fearing for the next person on the other end of her savage hands.
Overall though, I thought it was an enjoyable read that kept me interested until the end.
Good job.

David Corbin....
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