Are you kidding me? You wrote this awesome short, painted a flawless character portrait with some deep background stuff going there, AND created a creepy ID thing (which Freud himself would have probably thought was cool). All this in only a thousand words? You are truly a wonderful storyteller Mr. Wilcox.
I LOVE IT!!! Heartfelt and well written. Don't just stick with poetry alone..."The hurdles we must overcome that seem like a high jump bar at times! If you don't at least try to jump, you'll never pass the next one." I think you did okay with expanding your writing styles...GO FOR IT DUDE!!!
I have to genuinely say that this piece was immaculately written. It was so descriptionally good that I could see everything and feel everything the character was describing. Really, if this is your second attempt at writing a short story, I hope you write many more. You are a naturally gifted writer!
Alas, now for the critique...and these are only minor suggestions. Some minor punctuation, and instead of putting 'others'
in the semi quote marks (whatever they are called), you might find it easier to italicize the word instead. It will also make it less likely that the punctuation/grammar gurus will call you on it and aggravate you. I only say this as I am a punctuation criminal and get called on punctuation crimes all the time. But I think they may forgive you anyhow. Well done! It was a pleasure to read your second short story! I really hope you keep writing!!!.
Awesome characters! Awesome plot development! Really really awesome diologue! Loved it!
The document as a whole needs a little...little polish here and there, but I really loved it!
Awesome! I loved the description: "I looked into her eyes and she gazed softly back at me. " Karaleen is blessed to have you and W as her grandparents!!! Nicely written girl! As usual, you made my eyes tear up with warm and fuzzy.
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