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276 Public Reviews Given
280 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Shiny Blue Bike  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Great! Fits well with the piece.
Character/s - Great and well explained.
Plot - Good! Nice read.

First, this piece is wonderful! It's written really well and you have some great descriptions and imagery. I liked the relationships between family members and the message of working for something through this piece. The ending paragraph was nice and didn't read like you'd rushed it. I think it summed up the whole piece perfectly and I just really enjoyed the entire thing. A few more things I liked a lot was the voice it was written in. I felt like it guided you through the story well and had a nice flow to it. Also thought you showed emotions well, especially with the feelings of excitement your main characters had.

Suggestions and errors:

*The only thing I can suggest to make this piece better is optional and a tiny thing that bugs me in everything I read. You wrote: "How much would there be this time? I wondered." I think it would work better if you put the question part in italics.

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestion somewhat helpful.

Overall, this is an awesome piece!

Write on! *Bigsmile*

~ Lilly.

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Review of Bleached Denim  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Sounded really interesting and drew me to the piece.
Character/s - Great!
Plot - Also great and clear!

I really liked reading this piece. The flow is great and it's written so nicely. I like the story it tells and how you described it. I got a very good image in my head of what things looked like and what you were trying to say. The layout is also nice and I liked how you had rhyming going on in the last two lines of each part. I thought that worked well and was effective. Overall, this piece is amazing and I can't think of one single thing to make it better. A really great job!

I hope my review has been encouraging.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

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3
3
Review of Scrawl  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Sounded an interesting title and drew me to the piece.
Character/s - Clear and understandable.
Plot - Good and great to read.

This is a wonderful piece of poetry. Your descriptions are great and give the reader a good picture and understanding of what you're talking about. The layout is right and has a very nice flow. Your punctuation is spot on. The piece was overall fantastic and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the great work!

Errors and suggestions:

*My only real critique for this great piece is to capitalise those I's!

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestion helpful.

Write on and have a lovely day! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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4
4
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Sounded interesting.
Character/s - Good.
Plot - Good, but kind of confusing.

This piece is quite good and some of your word choices are great. It's a nice piece of free-verse poetry that flows well most of the time. I liked how you incorporated the speech into this and it worked effectively at times.

Errors and suggestions:

*I didn't really understand this piece. Most of the time I was left confused and didn't know what was happening, but this may just be me.

*On the thirst stanza or paragraph (forgot what you call it in poetry, lol) you missed a capitalisation on the first word.

Overall, good job!

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestions helpful.

Write on!

Lilly.

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5
5
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Simple.
Character/s - Strong character with a fierce voice. That's the vibe I got, haha.
Plot - Sounds really cool and interesting.

I really liked this short sample of a piece. I assume it's about a character and not actually you lol? I couldn't tell. But I really liked the characters voice about not wanting to do it and I liked how fierce and strong-minded they seemed. I think your character is interesting enough to lead a whole story. They've got a voice that reads additively and could tell a story from a teenager's perspective great. I'd love to read more if you write more. Great job!

Errors and suggestions:

*"thats" - that's.

Apart from that single, tiny error this piece was great. I'd say this piece is short and sweet, but it doesn't really read that way. To me it reads loud and fierce.

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestion helpful!

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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6
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - I think you could use a better title. I would suggest something, but I don't know enough about the story to do so.
Character/s - They need work, but I understand your main character a little. Just needs some expansion.
Plot - Can't really see the plot yet, but I think this could be a great outline for your story.

This sounds like it''s going to be an interesting story, but I think it needs some work.

Errors and suggestions:

*Look at the first line. You need a space after the comma after Cindy and you don't need the comma after Sabastian.

*You should write numbers in word form when writing story pieces. Example, "11 years old" - should be - "eleven years old".

*"unniest" - funniest.

*This sentence is a run-on and needs breaking up. You wrote: "...older than me unniest thing is,that our birthdays are lined up 23,24,25 I am the middle child." I think it would sound better if you wrote it like this - '...older than me. The funniest thing is, our birthday's are lined up in order. It goes twenty-three, twenty-four and twenty-five. I am the middle child.'

*"isint" - isn't.

*"The reason my birthday isint the same as Sabastian's. Is because i was ready but, my twin was not." You don't need the full stop after Sabastian. And the comma goes before "but" not after.

*"My dad died in a car wreck" - I would strongly suggest expanding on this a little. It's too vague.

*"Four years later my mom was working on our farm she went inside because she wasint feeling well and she said her heart hurt." This sentence doesn't sound right. Try something like this - 'Four years later my mom was working on our family's farm and her heart suddenly started to hurt. So she went inside and said she wasn't feeling very well..." Then the rest, but expand on it.

*Expand on why her mum died. Why did it happen suddenly?

*"summer 30th" - There are a few months in summer. Maybe it would sound better if you wrote, 'July 30th' or 'June 30th'.

*''Good morning,Tarrence,Cindy!" - This would look better if you wrote it like this - 'Good morning, Tarrence. Cindy."

*Don't you spell "Sabastian" like this 'Sebastian'?

*Start a new line when a different character is speaking.


I think you have a great idea for a story here. You just need to do a lot of expanding, work on your punctuation, grammar and spelling. After this I'm sure it's going to be wonderful. So keep on writing!

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestions helpful.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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Review of I Will Not Weep  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

Wow, this whole piece was really suspenseful. I really liked how at the start for a while you started each paragraph with a question. You described her life very well and I got a good picture of what it was like to be her. I felt bad for her, but towards the end I knew something bad was going to happen and started to think she's a little too far off her rocker. *Wink* I loved how you used the wedding vows to say how he got richer while she got poorer. I thought that was really effective. I really, really, really enjoyed this monologue as I enjoy all your writing. I've reviewed yours a few times before and I've never not adored it. I've had to write a monologue before too for drama and it was no where near as awesome as this. I'm doing it for GCSE/BTEC next year so I need to work on it. I'll just have to put my English creative writing skills to good use. Well, if I can get over my stage fright first lol.

Errors/suggestions:

*I only found one tiny mistake in this piece. You put - "to soon" should be - "too soon".

Overall amazing, great, fantastic job!!!

Write on!

Lilly.

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8
Review of The Fun Begins...  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, *Smile*

I'm going to go in the middle with this rating because, well, there isn't much text on the screen and it would be unfair to rate you any other way when I haven't seen the quality of your writing yet. But I'm doing this review to say that this story sounds like a really great idea and I think you should write this first chapter. I would like to read it if you do. Email me and let me know.

Write on!

Lilly.
9
9
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Sounds good and interesting. It made me wonder what the story is going to be about and what is going to happen.
Character/s - Great descriptions of the characters! I also loved the dialogue you used throughout the piece. I enjoyed it!
Plot - I LOVE the idea!

What I liked:

First of all I want to say that I love, love, love the idea for this story. I think it's fresh, new and original and is going to be a fantastic, fun and fabulous story when you have finished it. I really liked the introduction to this first chapter and how it got right into the story straight away. Great start! I liked how you introduced each of the characters with a little description. I would normally get bored if a writer did that, but with this chapter it just worked wonderfully. The personalities of the characters look like they're going to make the story very interesting and addictive to read. I may read more myself soon. You've already got me hooked! Awesome job!

Errors and suggestions:

*stood - standing.

*36 - thirty-six.

*Always use a question mark when asking questions.

*Mona's bag - There needs to be something at the end of this or it doesn't make sense with the rest of the text afterwards. For example, 'Mona's bag lay-' or 'Mona's bag was-'.

*Near the beginning you missed a space where there should be one.

*"Shut up Sydney!" - Shut up, Sydney.

*can make - could.

*apologized Lee - 'to' Lee. And I'm pretty sure it's actually spelt 'apologised', but that might not be right since I'm from the UK and it could be spelt different in say, America.

*teen - teens.

Overall I thought this piece was really good and I'm happy I took the time to read and review it.

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestions helpful.

Write on and don't ever stop! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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10
10
Review of Truly Strong  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Really great and eye catching. It made the piece sound really interesting and it made me want to read on to the poem inside.
Character/s - The character in this seemed really real and relatible. It was a very emotional and broken voice that made the poem's sound effective.
Plot - Great idea for a poem! Enjoyable!

What I liked:

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It felt like your character was very real and trying hard to hide what he feels inside and be everything this person he cares a lot about needs and wants him to be. I loved the voice in this poem very much; it seemed vulnerable and strong all at the same time. Amazing job!

Errors and suggestions:

*The only thing I can suggest for this piece of poetry is to maybe add some more descriptions and expand on your word choice a little more. At the moment it is written very simply and has many strong ideas that could be built on and made to sound more descriptive and catching so that they stay with the reader for a while after they've read the poem.

Overall I loved this piece and enjoyed reading it very much!

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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11
Review of Was There  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Good. Fits well with the poem's content.
Character/s - Good, very clear and easy to understand.
Plot - Great! Was able to understand and enjoy it very well.

What I liked:

I really liked how you used the capital letters to highlight the meaning of the words. It really fit well with what you were saying, making it really effective and also a lot more enjoyable to read too. I liked your idea for this poem too. I thought it was well thought out and you described it well. Great job!

Errors and suggestions:

*I would suggest only using the capital letters on full words, not just at the start of a word. For example, "Even." - "even." I think this makes it look strange and takes away from the effect. Just a suggestion.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this fantastic piece!

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestion helpful.

Write on!
12
12
Review of I Still Remember  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Makes the piece sound good and me want to read on.
Character/s - Good and clear.
Plot - Great!

What I liked:

I loved how you kept putting "I still remember" throughout the poem. It was very effective at the end when you put it too, because it made a really nice end to the poem and summed it up well. I liked how you described what you used to do and you described it well too. It was a really sweet and cute poem. I enjoyed reading it! Beautiful job!

Errors/suggestions:

*"when you 'was' still-." - were.

*"-father and I 'was'." - were.

Overall, wonderful job!

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestion helpful.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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13
13
Review of Once Was An Angel  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Great. Made the piece sound interesting and drew me in.
Character/s - Great.
Plot - Clear and good.

What I liked:

I loved how you started each part with "Once was an angel." I thought that was really effective and went with the piece very well. The layout of the poem was great and I liked your word choice. Your descriptions of what your grandma was like were very emotional and sweet. I also loved how you compared her to an angel. I really enjoyed reading this lovely poem. Good job!

Errors/suggestions:

*"Once was 'and' angel." - an.

*"Who always seen over me." - This sentence doesn't make sense, especially the word 'seen'. I would replace it with something like 'watches'.

*"Who 'alwats'-." - always.

Overall, this is a wonderful poem.

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestions helpful.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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14
14
Review of Baseball Pie  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Sounded interesting and made me want to read the piece.
Character/s - Interestng, unique, but likeable.
Plot - Good and different.

What I liked:

I really enjoyed reading this story piece. It was different and unique, but I found it very interesting and wanted to keep on reading. You write really well. You are amazing at placing punctuation! I didn't see a single mistake in that area. I liked how you described the two characters and parts of their situations. Great job!

Errors/suggestions:

*"Dave had been on his way further down town." - Feels a little repetive after how you started the story in a very similar way. I would suggest changing it to something else with different words.

*It's a little bit confusing when you change if from describing the life of the man, then to the little boy. I think you should write something in to make it more clearer for the reader, instead of them just realising you've switched halfway through the paragraph/description.

Overall, awesome job!

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestions helpful.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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15
15
Review of A Country Memory  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Really good and sounds interesting. Drew me to the piece.
Character/s - Good.
Plot - Very good.

What I liked:

I really enjoyed the rhyming scheme in this poem. I liked how it was every two lines together. It really fit with the poem well and it flowed well too. Your descriptions were really clear and great. Awesome imagery throughout the whole piece. I loved the alliteration at the end - "forever free." It brought a nice end to the poem. Fantastically written!

Errors/suggestions:

*This piece is already so great with words that I couldn't possibly suggest anything on that, but I do have a suggestion on how the poem looks. On the first stanza you used commas (,) after every line, then you stopped doing it for the others. I think it would look much better if you either took out the commas on the first stanza and had it look like the rest of the poem, or had commas at the end of the other lines on the stanzas too.

Overal awesome poem, awesome job! Keep at it!

I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestion helpful.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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Review of My Research Paper  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

I'd say this is an extremely good and well written essay. I can see how hard you've worked on this and I think you're going to do great and get very positive feedback on this.

A suggestion that I have is to use quotes from the text you have gotten all of this from. I notice you refer to it in brackets, but it might be better and bump up your marks by a lot by using more references. Such as quotes.

Errors:

*"Ethan becomes 'hopefully' that things will change." - hopeful.

*"feed up" - fed.

I hope I've helped you in some way.

Good luck!

Lilly.

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17
17
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

Wow! Can I just start by saying your punctuation is perfect and amazing? I wish I was as good as that at punctuation. Anyway, I really loved your characters desperation to see Tori. It showed his feelings for her are very strong and powerful. Great descriptions on everything from the storm to the everyday life he was just getting on with. I thought the part with the cat was unique, but it was interesting and I liked it a lot. The ending was sudden and tragic. It put a very dramatic and curious end to the chapter.

Erros/suggestions:

*Are you sure this is classed as prose like it says on your description? It seems much more like fiction to me or labelled as a chapter on the 'type of item' list.

*Watch out for a couple of run-on sentences. I think I only spotted two, but they are always something to be aware of. I know I've had an epic battle with them over the past few months, but I think I've conquered them now. Yes! *Pthb* Here is an example of one I found: "Tori left me three weeks before that day, she was the one-." I would replace the comma in there with a full stop, break it up a little.

*"inthe" - in the.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this piece.

I hope my review has helped you in some way.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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18
18
Review of South Carolina  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

I loved the way you started this. It was simple and nice. Your descriptions and imagery are good and give the reader a clear idea of what things and people look like and what's going on. Nice introduction to Ms. Carlisle. I absouletly adored how they both reacted when they saw each other and the running into each others arms. His dad seems like an interesting character and it seems like there is some conflict between father and son, which is always fun and tense to read. I also liked the setting too.

Suggestion/s:

*I think you should put your characters thought/s in italics. It's much easier on the reader because it differs it from the rest of the text. It also looks much better too.

I didn't see any errors in this piece at all. Your punctuation and spelling was fantastic!

Great job! I really enjoyed it.

Write on! *BigSmile*

Lilly.
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Review of dry-erase.  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, *Smile*

This piece was interesting. I've never really seen anything like it before, layout wise. I get that you meant to do what you did with the capital letters, but it looks kind of sloppy. Also it's not really set out like a poem, it looks a lot more like prose. But on the overhand I did like this piece, and I thought it was very good. Your descriptions were fantastic and made good imagery. Good job!

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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20
20
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

This is good, very intense and emotional. It was great to read all the the feelings in this poem. They even brought a tear to my eye. This poem is absouletly beautiful and written from the heart. I love your word choices and your descriptions of how your/the friend is feeling. It really touched me. I hope you continue to write poems as great as this.

Errors and suggestions:

*"sops" - sobs. I think this is what you meant here.

*"they’re" - This needs to be replaced with 'there's' or 'there' is. "They're" actually stands for 'they are' which wouldn't make sense in the sentence it was taken from.

*"And that’s that it will be alright." - take out 'that's'. And I'm not sure "alright" is a word. I think it would be better if you put 'all right' instead.

*"choice" - choose.

*"But I know that’s make you sad" - Needs to be replaced with either 'but I know that makes you sad' or 'but I know that will make you sad'.

Other than those few errors, this was a great piece.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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Review of The Longest Stage  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

This is a great piece of poetry! I loved it! I really liked how it rhymed in places and the overall wording of the poem, it was really smart and good and very effective. You laid it out nicely too and the poem had a good flow when I was reading it. It isn't too long or too short, it's the perfect length for a poem in my opinion. I enjoyed reading this piece a lot, I honestly think you have a wonderful talent for poetry writing. I wish I were as good as you. *Wink*

Write on!

Lilly.

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22
22
Review of You and I  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

I loved it! This is a beautiful and sweet poem. It describes your feelings and thoughts about your friendship very well and I'm sure a lot of people with a special best friend can relate to this poem, like me, really well. I loved how you set it out too. This is a great piece of free-verse poetry and it flows really well and I enjoyed reading it.

Write on! *BigSmile*

Lilly.

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23
23
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, *Smile*

Title - Good, fits very well with the content of the short story.
Characters - Good and clear characters. You can understand their feelings and relationships well.
Plot - Nice plot line.

I enjoyed reading this story. I think you had a really nice idea for creating it and showing some of the horrible things about bullying. I don't agree with bulling at all, and I think this was a nice piece. I, on the other hand do think the outcome of this story was a little bit too unrealistic, BUT it was still a very sweet and great story to read, and I'm glad I did. You did a wonderful job, though it had some mistakes in there.

Errors/suggestions:

*"I sat 'in' the floor." - I sat 'on' the floor.
*"-lunch, that day, he-." No need for the commas here.
*"take 'no' more." - take 'any' more.
*""Hey Daniel!"," - No need for the comma after the ending speech mark or in any of the other places after the speech mark you did later on either.
*""I'll give you 3 seconds to run carrot head", he said defiantly." - I'll give you three seconds to run, carrot head," he said defiantly. This is how the punctuation should look. Take a look at the end, remember to put the comma or full stop before the ending speech mark not after.
*It's usually better if you write numbers in their word form. For example, '4' - 'four'.
*""Yeah 'is' true, he did it."" - Yeah, it's true. He did it.
*""So 'your' both-." So 'you're' both.
*"He looked at me with compassion:" There should be a full stop at the end of the sentence not a colon.
*""'Your' telling-." - 'You're' telling.
*""I guess 'is' just fun."" - I guess 'it's' just fun.
*"I 'call' my father over." - 'called' my father over.

Overall you did a good job with this story!

I hope I helped you and that this is what you wanted within a review, any corrections I have made were not meant to offend you but only try to be helpful.

Write on! *Bigsmile*

Lilly.

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24
24
Review of My Hero  
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, *Smile*

This is a lovely poem! It's so cute and sweet! *Wink* I really enjoyed reading it and it was also very well written too. It has a nice flow and you've wrote quite a lot without the poem sounding strained like you've forced more and more lines out. Great job! I really loved reading how you described how your "crush" would treat you and the adorable thing they would do. If only things could just work out that way, hey? I can totally relate. Anyway you did a wonderful job on this and it is pretty much a perfect poem because I didn't find any mistakes, and I couldn't suggest anything to make it any more amazing!

Write on! *BigSmile*

Lilly.

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25
25
Review by Lillyrose
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, *Smile*

This is really great. I feel that it's a very relatible piece to me and probably for a lot of other teenagers out there too. It's also nicely written and has a good flow throughout the entire piece. I liked how you described your feelings and your opinions on it all. I agree with what you've put a hundred percent. And I think it'd be very beneficial for parents to read it. *Wink* You did a really wonderful job with this!

Errors/suggestions:

*First things first, there is an error in the title. "Because I'm 'n' teenager." This is an easy mistake to make, but it can put a lot of people off your work. They might think that if there is a mistake in the title that the item inside will be ridden with them, which is not the case here. I would fix this very quickly. "Because I'm 'a' teenager."

*"We 'won’t' to be sure." - We 'want' to be sure. I think this is what you meant. It doesn't sound right with "won't" wrote there. It's on the third stanza on the last line.

Great job! I really enjoyed reading this poem. I hope my review has helped and encouraged you.

Write on!

Lilly.

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