Well, you made me cry. The child's picture just did me in. Your language is a bit stilted and formal for "todays" reader. I'd suggest using contractions and checking for redundant words/images.
Your voice tends to be passive, the potential for action is there - use to your advantage.
Wow, fantastic story. It pulled me in, and i couldn't take my eyes from the screen until the final words. The emotion of this is as real as any writer could hope for! Really nice job.
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