I like your writing. It shows how thoughts can come into our minds, even when we don't intend for them too. Our emotions cling to us, not allowing us to discredit them. We belong to you they seem to say. Then once more we do our best to lay both our thoughts and emotions to rest and think on the thought of 'tomorrow is a new day'.
Keep writing.
I enjoyed reading, "A Waiting Game", and could relate well to what you wrote. Keeping busy will be a help in a lot of our situations. I liked the activities you shared.
My workdays are over also. Sometimes days seem long and other days they are too short. Keeping busy helps with the long days.
Your presentation and the flow of your work were very good. I did not see any technicalities.
I enjoyed your writing. It shows the conflicts that young people go through as they pass through their teenage years. I liked the similarities and contrasts between the seasons and the person. The changing and molding of myself shows the strife that a person can feel when trying to fit into their environment. I think the 'confide' in the sentence that begins "Making me confide to my corner," needs to be changed to something else, such as retreat, withdraw or resort ect.
I like your ironic revisionist commentary. It's direct and to the point. You used interesting words that add to the attraction of your commentary. You also added the correct punctuation.
Good work. I don't recognize any mistakes.
Your poem is beautiful. None of us show the world our truth, is such a true statement. Maybe at times we reveal our true selves, but only to a select few. Ripples across a moment in time, changes direction. Reflections show for such a short period of time, and we can make changes just as quickly. I like every line in your writing. Very thoughtful and insightful.
This sounds like an interesting project. You certainly have a good start here, with having your world created even with a sun and moon. Your characters sound interesting and I can see there will be a lot that you can do with them and put them through. You will be able to create a lot of drama with the wars and conflicts that are and have gone on, and also with the NightWalkers return to the planet. You will be able to develop plenty of obstacles to create tension and make this an interesting telling. I applaud you on the extensive work you have done and can see that you will be able to develop a well-crafted story. I wish you good luck in this project and encourage you to keep working on it until you get it finished and published. I do not see any problems with what you have created here.
I enjoyed reading your backstory. You have good build up and drama that will lead to an exciting resolution as the story continues. I like the idea of the brothers becoming allies and working toward the same goal. Your obstacle of needing the government's help seems very realistic. Your characters are believable, and I can feel the father's desire to help his son.
I believe you are creating a great story that will be enjoyed by the sci-fi readers that find your story.
I would have liked to read more about their invention.
Keep up the good work.
I loved your little story, and can picture the excitement of the child when she saw the door. Then there being two little children, it would have been even more exciting and enticing for them. Your structure is good, establishing your characters, then bringing in an incident, and then coming up with a resolution.
I enjoyed reading it and think it could be used in classes teaching young parents about the importance of keeping their children in view at all times. This little story stresses the quickness of young children and is an important lesson that all parents need to learn.
I noticed a missing word in your last sentence.
Very good, realistic writing.
Structure: Set up in 6, 4, and 2 line verses in free verse style.
Theme: False love.
Flow: Good, no disjointed words or breaks that throw the flow off.
Tone and Mood: Serious, Realistic
Overall Impression: A beautiful writing job with honest feelings coming out. The speaker has no feelings for the child sitting on the counter, and must feel a desperate a need to unburden himself/herself for some reason. Maybe the intention is to give up living a lie. The smile playing across the speaker's lips makes the person seem vengeful. I feel the hurt for the child. Emotions show clearing in this poem.
I love this. I've not read much cinquain or written it at all. I like the continuity of the stanzas. You have a smooth flow to your very descriptive words. There are definitely no weak verbs. I love stormy nights and I can hear the rain pouring down on the parched earth. This poem made me feel as though I was right there in the middle of the storm.
I think you did a superb job. I don't see anything that needs correcting. Keep up the good work.
This is an interesting perspective. I can see where your subject could be euthanasia or that subject would fit. Having to suffer through 2 weeks of pain would not be enjoyable, nor would it be so for the family. This is a very thought-provoking and emotional poem, and you have done a very good job with it. I see nothing that I would consider changing or nothing that needs correcting. Super job.
This is an interesting poem. I like the adverbs you used; saucer, sapphire, platinum. They help to give a clearer definition of these things in my mind's eye. Then there's the mother ship too, another good adverb description. Citizens is a good substitute for people and you used good descriptive verbs. Your rhyming is excellent also. I am impressed with what you have created here.
You might consider replacing some of the commas with periods. I enjoyed reading and studying it. Have a good week.
This personification of the river is very well developed. From being just a drop and moving on to the ocean. I like the image of the river moving onward and looking for peace until it comes to a quiet shore. But you've already established, it will need to continue on to the sea.
This is excellent writing, with many well-placed adverbs that add to the beauty of the piece.
Good comic writing, making you wonder when they were going to grab him. Taking the garbage bin and then what happened to the dog was a total shock. Taking his clothes instead of him was quite a twist too. Everything was written in perfect English except one line, so I wondered if that was something that was overlooked. In the second line of the second stanza, you have written 'I watched them fire beaming rays,' instead of 'I watched those fire beaming rays.
I enjoyed this writing and think that anyone who reads it will like it.
My overall impression of this writing is that it is an intriguingly written story. It is one that I think children, young teens, would enjoy. It doesn't drag and is fast-paced enough to keep their attention. I liked the rapport between and son and father and thought the brother and sister relationship was true to life. They also worked together when they were in danger.
This is very well written and I don't see any improvement that is needed.
I love this. It rhymes so perfectly. I feel the cold blasts blowing through the shutters, and hear the rattling of the house. It's a good caring poem and could be used by a teacher to show the importance of concern for others and doing what you can to be a help to them, but not yet putting yourself in danger. It gives hope too, of an ending to the storm. Thank you for this beautifully written piece of work.
Good images of the young man with other things on his mind, rather than work. Did he or did he not close the points? That thought came through clearly and I thought the driver was very real. I could see and feel his anger.
In the second paragraph where he is sitting on his own in the rest room, made me think of a bathroom and why was he sitting there. Maybe rest area or break room would be clearer.
Also in the paragraph where he was daydreaming about his date with Kathy and trying to imagine, instead of trying, tried would be in keeping with the tense of approached and began.
You have a good story going, believable characters and an interesting plot of the young man in his attempt to please a young lady.
Keep working on it.
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