I LOVE THIS STORY! It had only powers listed in the contest choices and they were all great choices! You took what choices I gave and made them stand out. It was like reading a comic. Oh, this inspired me greatly. Honestly, this has got to be epic on a scale of dumb to Epic! The only problem I had was imagining Sergeant Nix. I couldn't find a hair color or eye color. That's going to cost half a star, sorry. But, the description of powers and enemies was so great that it replaces that half star with a star! So, I give you proudly a 4.5! Epic stuff man.
The story is a bit disorganized with no spaces between paragraphs. There is an * in the middle, does that perhaps mean a next scene? We don't know who "He" is at the beginning of the story. There's a long tab style space before "After all, he was..." breath has a comma after it and then a space to the next paragraph. This story is just too disorganized to truly keep your eyes on the last place you just read. This needs some work before I review it again. Please, contact me if you want a better review. I think with a bit of cleaning, this would make a great story.
The story is ruined by the amount of non references of who says what. The spelling is good as well as the smooth dialogue sounds really human. You can really image people saying these things. But, with no character references is just like watching a silent film. So, it's good and bad, a 50/50 read.
Very interesting prologue. Honestly, a epic tail of heroism to an anonymous few who erected and constructed in a moments notice a tower to defend against the darkness. Against the impending doom that would engulf the light and destroy the world. And the names, oh my, they were so beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye just reading such original names. I mean these days you hear fire mountain or land of lightning so much that the creation of a language or word is near dead. And the weavers! They were such interesting ideas that were brought to my mind in the illumination of the world. And how the temple of the gods scene really made me see people crowding. A father holding his child in protection and the people gathered outside huddling in fear. Geez, this prologue itself is a work of literary art. Seriously, there were only few grammar/spelling errors and that could be intentional for the audience that you were possibly aiming for. All and all this is an epic 5 out of 5!
Not really for a first person story, but it was really great. Honestly the conversation bit with the parents was a unique thing that I would have never thought of using in one of my stories. But, it was a brilliant move and the dedication to the story is very clear. All and all five stars!
I got all the ones that are across and still am having some trouble with the Downs. I really don't want to use wookiepedia, so, I'll stop for now and read/watch more star wars to solve this. I consider myself a real big geek when it comes to Star Wars, but you sir or ma'am, are even better at it than me. Thank you for making a true head scratcher and enjoyable game.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/m-2mousecyborg
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 11:06am on Apr 25, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "