Excellent story, the flow of events was very believable and the depiction of detail made it all the more real.
The dirty man with the raspy voice was an interesting character, especially coupled with the bizarre words he had to say. Of course, the ending was my favorite part since it leaved the reader with a chilling sense of mystery.
I have only one critique,
" Andrew sat with his eyes close," to "Andrew sat with his eyes closed"
I have to say, I am not a particularly religious person but I still found great merit in this poem. The flow was well established, and the word choice you used was very good for such serious subject matter.
This piece is great because while the word count isn't very high, it gets the message across perfectly in just a few sentences. To me, this story is told in a conversational voice, that makes sense as far as the subject matter goes.
A very interesting (and terrifying) concept that was well executed. I can't imagine going into a forest only to come out to see the town I lived in entirely different.
I thought the last line was a good way of ending the story as well, since it doesn't give any indication of what actually happened after Lidia screamed.
This poem was beautiful, and written in a very unique way. I envy you your originality in describing a person's emotions through the sorts of weather events going on within the room of their own self.
I do not really understand if there was significance to the way the poem was structured, besides just to highlight the question being asked in comparison to the events that are taking place.
This was a very interesting, chilling idea for a short story. I loved the plot, and how well you captured the idea of vanity and cultural stress leading to a surgical procedure that went horribly wrong.
However, there were a few things I did not understand:
Was there an error in formatting? Because there were words such as "becomeâ¦" "didnât" and "wifeâs."
Maybe it was just me, but I got confused over when you were talking about the husband as opposed to the surgeon. Sometimes you simply said
"he" when it might have been less confusing to use "the surgeon" or "the husband" instead.
This was really well done! I can't remember the last time I read such a classic style horror story.
I love the detail about the F being absent, "The Un House" is a very chilling name indeed. Not to mention that I think everyone in their right mind should be afraid of Fun Houses, since they are meant to make you feel lost and confused even under the best circumstances.
I love this piece, it describes a very certain kind of affection that most people neglect in their writing.
The fact that the two people within the poem are friendly, polite colleagues who could be lovers is very well handled. I could picture myself being in that exact position with someone else.
This piece was heart rending and beautiful. I enjoyed the way that your voice flows naturally as you speak about all that happened, and the procession of time goes very smoothly too.
I just picked up on two place where maybe a word was omitted, in the end at "I like quit my job." and then at "I scared..." Other than that, I found nothing to be improved upon.
Whoa! I never saw that ending coming, and it was perfect!
The style you wrote this in was precisely matched to the dark subject matter, and I loved how the psychiatrist reacts to the questions which are asked of him. But of course, the surprise ending was my favorite part.
This poem was very good, and I definitely picked up on the stylistic choices from the first few stanzas.
My favorite was the line "Where fetters fester on display, ", it had a very unique flow. I also loved the allusions made to Prometheus, and then back to Christian traditions.
I really have no suggestions for improvement, well done!
The fact that you considered this myth from the perspective of "The Creation", and how horrible it must have been to have been created to please some man...is brilliant. I think that is exactly how the poor Galatea would have felt.
Wow, this was a beautiful and very unique take on the idea of "Beauty and the Beast." I loved the poem, for the fact that I felt genuinely horrified for all the things this girl had been put through.
Only critique:
"He is lair." Perhaps this is just me, but I do not understand what is meant in this line.
I am sorry, but I cannot offer anything which could be improved. This poem is wonderful, from the way you have described the heartbeat as a "gallop" to the last line which so well concludes the piece.
Honestly I am jealous, both the mood and language used in your piece were spot on.
This was an excellent poem. I loved the classic structure you used, with the A line and B line rhyming with each other. The point of the actual poem itself was quite beautiful, and the flow of the verses worked perfectly.
The last line really brought everything together "Souls swallowed by the embrace of hell". Seriously, I couldn't think of a more graceful ending, great work!
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