I am so impressed that you were able to weave such a cognitive story while rhyming at the same time. I laughed at the line ‘While we painted Irises.’
So vividly divides the masters from the students. I have been in many art classes, so this really spoke to my own experiences. Tag:
The references to his famous paintings, one pastoral and later one that looks a little crazy, although I don’t think he meant the stars to reveal so much of his mind, is a nice touch.
At this point my thoughts of an art class with students took a left turn and you re-planted me. I am going to leave these first thoughts here so you can see how my interest was suddenly hooked. My first quick read didn't catch all these nuances.
The personification of the (2) ears being screamed at is really a clever way to get the POV turned to the ears without saying so. There also seems to be an idea that screaming voices were inside his head and he had ‘tried to shield’ himself from these internal voices by painting Wheat Fields.
Then enters the ‘lady.’ If I had continued with the art class thinking…then I would have been thinking an unhappy lady student was yelling at him. Because the mods were thoughtful enough to remind me of the prostitute in the story, I saw this through another filter which made more sense. The prostitute’s voice joined the ‘crazy’ voices and He cut ‘Me’ off. Again such a clever POV wording. And now the ‘ear’ hears no more noises.
Because he is in a BOX ! OMG Tag: And a perfect rhyme to boot…gift/adrift.
I didn’t know there was a mystery about Gauguin doing the dirty deed, but that was an interesting ending.
Can you tell I was completely engrossed in the workings of this story? Tag: Maybe I got it, maybe not? But the writing was excellent. Thank you for sharing and making me smile.
I could easily visualize this scene and the players. Had to giggle a bit when Kanya thought the big guy was dumb for crossing Raul...uhhh...what does that make her? But seriously, the dialogue was great especially the last line. Also interesting how you pulled off the entire chapter without giving any of the 'boys' names, just descriptions. I like that she is smart enough to think on her feet and figure out a trick with 'wet rat.' Good lead-in for the next writer. Your chapter was worth the read.
This story caused me to LOL. Such a clever use of the words, steering away from the obvious dropping the camera in the lake. *smile*
And oh, what a guilty conscience can do to us. The ending was perfect. He is probably going to take an extreme action that has nothing to do with the camera. The dialogue was pitch perfect and his inner thoughts were hilarious. Thanks for the morning laughs. Jackie's muse was spot-on today.
Wow. You really nailed it. All seems so innocuous and in this case it turns out to be...may even turn out well for Susan. Your story wove in-and-out of the characters lives so seamlessly and without any real malice. I think all human interaction is like this...otherwise we could talk of nothing except the weather. Your story shows that gossip has many layers and isn't necessarily all bad, although we all have the feeling we don't want to be the one 'gossiping', because we don't know the real truth. Your story had the perfect ending. And who knows, maybe Julia will be saved from the vile Ted if word gets around and she didn't know. Better her heart is broken sooner rather than later and Ted gets the reputation he deserves...if Susan didn't make it up because she was jealous...ummm. That is the trouble with gossip, isn't it. Your story makes a person think. Well done.
Hilarious. First line made me laugh and it got better after that. Such a pithy summary of almost all Netflix movies.
Reminded me of that song Secret Agent Man. Just for kicks I watched it performed on Youtube and was reminded of years past. That was a 1966 song!!
Maybe I should have put this in an e-mail instead of a review since your poem is without flaw. I enjoyed every bit of it. You are most clever with political topics. I read your other poem about broken places too. So true. Anyway...thanks for the smile this morning.
Wow, that gave me goosebumps. Story was predictable but you kept the tension going. I could feel his fatigue with the new life that had been trust upon him. His reasoning is reasonable inside of his head, although by his own omission he is taking a calculated risk. Maybe the arms won't be there.
Leaves this reader hoping either the kids survive unscathed physically or die instantly. Car wreaks are unpredictable.
Only suggestion I would make is I want more! What if he kills the kids and he survives? Could he do that to his wife? What would she think if they arrived and he didn't? That could make for some interesting monologue.
Then he comes back to his right senses. Lets up on the gas pedal. Or NOT. Could monologue some more about taking the risk and then goes ahead and 'hits the tree' anyway. (But maybe this was a story written under contest rules of a word count?)
This story reminds me of one of those 'Twilight Zone' stories.
I liked it, kept me reading, which is the goal of every writer. You did a good job. Thanks for sharing.
Your story made me smile. The title set the story up and I could actually envision the painting. I suppose yellow flowers in a vase could look like a banana tree. Lol Interesting train of thought that allowed you to string those difficult words together in one story. You did great. Crocheting was the perfect conclusion. And this child is lucky to have such a encouraging and diplomatic mom. Good luck in the contest.
First thoughts were: I don't get this? But then it started getting a beat. I re-read it several times and it started to sound like those rap things the kids do now-a-days. Being elderly I have no idea who or what most of the noun lists are referencing, but I 'got the beat'. Well done. Note: I did recognize Graceland. *smile*
And the story line was funny. Poe and the Raven having an altercation in the middle of the night probably in Poe's library, tipping over bookcases. I had a few visuals come to mind, and they were humorous.
Keep writing and sharing. When you can entertain the elderly, you got something going with your beat. *smile* p.s. I just caught on to the title White Raven...cute...
Loved, loved, loved this poem. So up-lifting. Pushing down sad (winter) thoughts as spring flowers push up. So many visuals of new life. My favorite part was about the colts and fillies, "their manes are flowing with the wind". Such a sense of freedom.
Don't know how you manage to get so much rhyming to rhyme. Well done. I also liked the ending. Wrapped up the difference between here and there. "Fears won't haunt us" was a favorite. No need for poetry, we will be living it.
Enjoyed the flow of the story. Never once got lost or confused. The characters and the events were very plausible. I recognized the difference in personality type between John and Carolyn. My sympathies were with John. The opening paragraphs where he was so clueless spoke directly to me and hooked me into your story.
The many explanations of what had happened were authentic and the reactions of different classes of people were expected, but you kept my attention with the variety.
This reads like a story but flows like a poem. It has essence. I like that you wrote down the ideas first, then sorted and tightened them into poetry. This is how I do it too. Love the line: "But they are mine to say". Implies a deep love enclosed in shattered memories. Written to be forgotten. I'm glad you didn't include the 'internet' in the second half. Somehow to me that didn't fit. Just my own feeling. I think we're both newbie's on this site, so I am glad I found your poem. Keep writing. I'll be watching for more of your work. I enjoyed this one.
Hey ProsperousSnow, Just read all 35 of your mom's poems. Poetry reveals so much about a person. I am happy you have these snatches of her soul. I see you have just recently added to this collection. And when I clicked on the first poem 'Rose' I found you entered it on the day my own mother passed away. She was 3 years younger than your mom, and lived to be almost 88. Then while reading your introduction I discovered how closely their paths have overlapped. My mother gave birth to me in Oklahoma and we have lived not too far from Vegas for most of our lives. It is possible those two little girls have been geographically near each other at least some of their lives. It is indeed a small world and your mom nailed the poem about Seasons in Oklahoma. She wrote about her life, and has given you a rare glimpse into her mind. Don't know if she made 100 or if she is still with us in her 101st year, but she is being remembered through your sharing. A fine tribute.
This was a fun read. The Mafia Kids ran true to form, with Maggie the perfect Machiavellian. Isn't it interesting, that political ambitions are so obvious even at their age. Maggie will be a great Big Girl. Thanks for the morning smiles.
Hey Winchester, Clever use of the prompt. Nice dialogue. Made sense for a guy on drugs to see the Unicorn. Ending made me chuckle, "Don't tell anyone, they will think you are crazy." Nice story. Can see how you own. Congrats.
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And a perfect rhyme to boot…gift/adrift. 
Maybe I got it, maybe not? But the writing was excellent. Thank you for sharing and making me smile.