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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/magnusopum
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39 Public Reviews Given
40 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was beautiful! It sounded so passionate and yet startlingly clinical? By this i mean you obviously have a great way with words, and great knowledge about nature and enviroments and their needs, and you bring it all together to create something that is almost detached and poetic. Of course it's poetic though, it's a poem? ha, i don't know if what i said makes sense but: i really loved it
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Review of Dragonfly  
Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: E | (3.5)
And each time she sees me fly,
she smiles and laughs as I fly.
But more then that, she sees the gift,
upon my wings I will uplift.
You rhymed fly with fly. Besides that, this was nice, a little difficult to understand. For one, i considered the woman a young girl until the dragonfly mentioned a man who is holding my/the child's hand. Are we a child? either way, this was very light, it reminded me of a very nice breeze and dragonfly wings, and was lovely. i am just known to pick out the nitpickiest things.
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Review of Pisces's Son  
Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
lodged deep the
my amygdala,
a lifelong synapse

is the third word here supposed to be 'there'? that little bit through me off, but besides that i found myself loving everything... it reminded me of when i used to write poetry, when i used to use words that stuck themselves into me to perfectly illustrate how much i wanted someone. that's what i get from this. and i love it. and i love that you don't mince words, this whole poem feels raw. i find myself wondering why you're on writing.com? i find this site stifling, most of the time. good job. really, really good job. maybe i'm just bias because when i read it i saw myself.
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Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: E | (4.0)
There is actually an option for 'prose' which is different from poetry, when choosing which type of catagory this would go into- just so you know ^^. with that said, i always love religious symbolism, nature, and love. and i found most of this somewhere in this poem, it took me to a world i envisioned in my mind. a meadow of fairies (not that you care, haha)! so thank you! i may not know what this poem means to you personally, but fo me it was a nice escape!
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Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Honestly, i've always loved the moral dillemna that comes from being a soldier. it's an interesting concept. you follow orders, but what will it take for you to break them? and of course, back in older days, it was easier to kill someone just because they looked different, so it's not like you really had a sense that they were the same as you. it was always us vs them. i haven't read the story this side-story comes from, but i might have to check it out!
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Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I could see this in a weird church's online newsletter, if church's did that. Does that sound like a compliment? Because i'm trying for it to be. I got the joke, we all had a good guffaw, the ending didn't exactly relate to the wife's problem of trying to spend more time with her husband? But i guess they'll be f***ing more now, which is aight. I really don't think this is a story i need to be critical with, however, so i'll end this on the fact it was a good joke, nice story, and did not make me cry at how long it was :D
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Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Now, maybe I don't like what the kids watch nowadays, maybe I'm not into the romance crap, and the angel crap, but I still read this. And while I feel I would be giving a bias review if I just said, 'This storyline was boring, the idea behind it is heavy-handed, and it moves too slow to catch a reader's attention, God forbid we think about a movie-goer and the general attention span of the populace!' instead I will just point out specific parts I found were a bit 'much' or just typos

"Although mine’s at the age when she laughing at me and not with me."
that should be 'when she's' or 'when she is'

SUPER: (O)ctober (N)inth, (T)welve (I)nstantly, (M)idnight (E)xactly. (The first letters come together spelling ’On Time’)
nice idea, especially if the movie kind of makes fun of itself. however, where is it's placement in this movie? this is the only scene with a narrator, with anything being spelt out like that, i can imagine it in my head for a goofy movie where everything is melodramatic; but this is just odd? especially for a movie based around guardian angels?

As we move around the couple, after about 20 seconds, the two teenagers change into Stan and Rita.
20 seconds is a long time, i would say stare at a wall for 20 seconds and see how long you can stand it. And then imagine having to watch some weird couple make out for 20 seconds.

JOHN (O.S.) It’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.
an echo? really?

HOMELESS GUY (calling out) Good luck, Mr. Stan! I’m sure everything will be just fine! (to himself) Just fine.
I find it pointless for him to say it to himself again, like we've seen that in movies and shows where they do it, I find it pointless (that's just me!)

Sharon’s lifeless eyes stare back at us. Upon her limp arm is a watch: the slender watch Stanley has been wearing with the other two watches.
This was actually a very nice moment

I also found Brian to be needlessly antagonistic towards Stan. Like, okay yes, he's doing all the work that should be his, I know his motives NOW. But... before that point, it just seemed needlessly cruel when Stan's wife died because he was late. Does Brian not know this connection, or not care? I'm glad he never went too far, and Stan had his fair share of being an asshole as well, i guess. IDK

I actually did read the whole thing through, even if it was just to get 2,750 gps. And honestly... i don't see anyone going for this. But i don't know what the people want. Maybe this is gonna be a church hit, a cult classic, but to me it's boring, needlessly long, and could probably be an okay short film if you cut out enough of it. No hard feelings, just opinions.
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Review of Margaret  
Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
That... was amazing. I loved Margaret, of course I did, how could i not? She is beyond lovable, her backstory makes sense for her characterization. I don't know how to put into words (which is awful as a writer) how much i love that every detail of her life was poised so delicately to produce her into somebody who is a loner not by choice, up to now where she leaves her husband of her own regard.

And that detective work! Ed teaching her /all she knows/ in the business, and THAT is what helps her find him. All of HIS connections. Irony at it's best. And after all that, Ed doubted his wife could find him? Ed doubted he could solve the issues with the mob with her by his side? Jeez, Ed. I hope Margaret has a good life with her best friend, she seems to love teaching.

And of course, the way this is written is perfect. The jumps in time, almost chronological, also always relating to the specific point in the story that they need to. I thought Ed could be redeemed somehow at the end, but alas, nope. He's in a shack, tall but not proud, eh? Good job!
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Review of FNAF new story  
Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: E | (3.0)
This story has yet to have much meat on it's bones! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ however, from what i have seen, it is pretty aight. i would say your main issue was giving people too many choices without any actual substance. i'd remove a few of those, and just let people write what they want to write, with or without a maze of characters and powers they could have
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Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was very nice. The characterization is clear by the end of the chapter, and I found nothing wrong with the way it was written. Hopefully Diane will care more, and I know I will once we learn what "Orgone" is. Also, this is one of the first works I've read where the main character is older, a nice change and something we need to see more in modern literature. His age also seems to be one of the main things to drive him, there is only so little time in our lives, eh? I really hope to see you continue to write this, continue to improve, and maybe one day get published? Good luck!
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Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dude; I'll be honest. This interactive story has good and bad parts equal. And none of that bad s*** is your fault, it's pretty much the people who chose the 'look for clues' path, which has an abundant area of point-of-view changes, spelling mistakes, little care for "quotation marks around speech!" and just sloppy writing.

I did find, however, that the parts well written were exceedingly more original than I'd thought they'd be. And found myself enjoying such parts, and wrote some parts myself. I think you should add as a rule 'No POV changing,' so that from now on, the writer will have to use the last POV given, which will in turn make everything steady sailing from then on. AND, if you need help rewriting some of those earlier parts, I can help :D

All in all; Good, Bad, and Ugly. Some parts were just hard to look at, whereas others, I wanted to write :D so i did! I hope you find my contributions right for your story! AND i am happy there is no sexual content in this, because I have seen enough of that on WDC
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Review by MagnusOpum
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful. I find the clear undertones of faith wonderfully co-exist with the part near the end where you helped others with that faith guiding you, those strong hands beneath your own. I found that your descriptions were lacking, somewhat, most notably in the usage of the term 'somewhere special', as an indicator of how you were dressed. However, i realize this is likely because you want us, the reader, to decide what is special to us because that is more important than a mere description. My only other complaint is that this is too short, because I would love to read more of guiding hands (reminding me of wings (:) and that captivating sense that we are all on a journey, and we all can use guidance, comfort, courage and support. And sometimes, that strength doesn't need to come from us, but from our faith and God's judgement. Thank you. God bless.
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