Hi, this is a lovely piece and a wonderful tribute to your great grandmother,Claudette. The respect and dignity that is shown here is almost overwhelming in it's beauty.
What is it missing? Nothing, in my opinion. Though you may consider moving the first paragraph and making it the fourth for continuity. But then again you'll loose the stronger openening hook by doing that.
I meant to post a review for the Expanded Power Revison Checklist but my clicking finger got ahead of my brain.
The Expanded version is a detailed, imformative and well presented article on how to clean up your writing. It's a bit long but reading it will be time well spent for any writer. I highly recommed "The Expanded Power Revision Checklist", to anyone who wants to better their writing.
Peace
Josie
When I found out Patrick's new friends were the golden girls I instantly laughed out loud. And the ending is cool too. Actually I like the whole thing-keep em laughing, Chinese Democracy.
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