Thanks for your review, Shawnte Barr! I like this poem. I like the voice, style, and rhythm. I agree with you on rhythm. It's hard to get readers to read your work the way you want it to be read.
This is a very interesting poem with real emotions. Thanks for sharing!
"Whose brilliant red will surely stain?" I don't think the question mark should be there.
"The sky an empty canvass, Broken only by a plane..." I would suggest replacing broken with a word like marked or marred. The plane isn't necessarily breaking the canvass, is it? With your metaphor of the sky is an empty canvass, I think it would make more sense for something to mark or mar the canvass rather than break it.
Favorite lines: "The sky reflects the soul, the clouds our passing thoughts" "Whose brilliant red will surely stain the dewy grass"
In this poem, there seems to be a sense of disappointment in the turning of summer to autumn. Is this correct?
Great imagery, personification, and metaphor.
Overall, a good poem that conveys feelings about the change of seasons in a thoughtful, pensive way.
It seems "seeking, seeking" mimics "Falling, falling" so I would suggest capitalizing the s in the first seeking. "Seeking, seeking"
What is the significance of the traffic line? Do they represent a boundary, a wall? One can't cross over the yellow lines of traffic so these were some thoughts I had.
I'm glad someone else sees what I see in contemporary society!
I, for one, refuse to be a rabbit.
Very insightful, honest, and unapologetic. I like the way you chose to write it. With the commanding sentences I could envision you with a look of disgust on your face, waving your hand in a "shoo! let them have it!" fashion.
This is an awesome poem! I love the emotions and feelings you convey with your word choice. I love the metaphor of the buildings as "prophecies." You use imagery well. Some people are very verbose with their poems, filling them with imagery without really saying anything. You didn't do that. Your poem spoke volumes. You're very talented! :)
I love haikus and this is excellent! I like how the first line evokes an instant sensation. It makes me think of Winter "suddenly" becoming Spring which leads to the daffodils subject nicely. There is a nice sort of contrast between the first line and the last. The "suddenly" is a quick, active, and energetic adverb. This contrasts nicely with the "quietly" which is a slow, passive, and lethargic adverb. Great job!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mangadude7
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 6:45am on Apr 25, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
