An unusual but very interesting story. I have a grown son with a mental illness and I saw him throughout the whole thing. It was as if you were describing him. The story was a little difficult to follow in the beginning, but after it go started, it was fine. I never understood if he was the prison guard as he said or not. But, after going back to the first sentence, I read he had no job, so I guess not. Didn't know how he managed to have a knife. Would have been good to explain that. But, overall, good.
This is a very good, graphic scene accounting what I assume is an accident. You described the scene very well, and characterized the different types of drivers well. I get a sense that you have experienced such a day, and a resulting accident. I can read between the lines and get a sense of the pain you suffered.
I love the idea, and the daily exercises look excellent. They look both fun and challenging. I am sure they will keep me on track in preparation for Nano. I have done Nano eight years, but have never been able to keep up with the October challenges, usually due to no internet. I look forward to doing so this time. Thanks for the efforts.
Love this idea. I was a part of a very early, maybe the first one, and loved it. I got lots of challenges. Also, I need to develop the habit of writing daily, so hope through this I can.
Keep up the good work of encouraging us writers who sometimes (maybe always) tend to procrastinate.
A strange and intriguing story. I never really understood who this speaker was (or what it was). But, that was part of the intrigue.
I found no errors in grammar or spelling. it was well written. I did note the one line that was longer than the rest. It is no big deal, but did cause me to pause in my reading. I was used to a rhythm of a certain line length, though this isn't a poem. I think, if I were you, I would fix it to match. Again, not a big deal, but did cause a pause.
I really like this piece. I am still trying to figure out exactly what it is. I first thought the soul, then some other spirit, even maybe a part of the Godhead. I never really figured it out.
This story is fascinating. I did not not any errors or corrections needed. I did not expect it to end the way it did, and though sad, it is exactly as it needed to be.
You have developed your characters very well. The piece reads very well. I was engrossed from beginning to end.
I have to suggestions for improvement. It is excellent as written.
This is excellent. I wouldn't change a thing. I can so vividly see the anguish, and then the joy, that you experienced with your boys. You have told the story well. There is no grammatical errors that I noted.
I would have liked to have known more about your boys growing up, their milestones, etc. But, I realize the story is not about their life, but their birth and near death.
You have a very good way with story telling. I was "in" the story the whole time I was reading it.
I love this idea, and want to join . I didn't see the email address, but will look further.
I also love the logo. I think it's quote is so apt, and the graphics is sophisticated looking, so as not to seem frivolous.
I tried to join this group when it was going to be the Christian Writers Laboratory, and found the old email. Now, after being off almost a year due to health, I am ready to get in the swing.
You answered what in my opinion was a scathing accusation with a kind and accurate response. I don't know if I would have felt so inclined.
I, for one, totally appreciate what writing.com does. I struggle as a single parent and don't often have the money for upgrades, contests, etc., but have found that each time I can't afford a renewal of my upgrade, someone donates one to me. I have never gone lacking for something to do and have never gone but a month or so without an upgrade. And, that month was during a time I had shoulder surgery and didn't get to log on, so didn't know I expired. I renewed for only one month, as that was all I could afford. Lo and behold, a wonderful benefactor immediately donated an additional 3 months.
I can't praise writing.com enough for what it has done for helping me grow as a writer. I have recommended it highly many times. keep up the good work. I LOVE IT!
Excellent setup. I can't wait to see who cut off the finger, and who is Shannon's secret admirer. Are they related, or maybe the same person? And, what is going o here? I want to know. I can't wait to read more. You do plan to write more?
I did not find any errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation. The sentence structure flows nicely.
I did, just for a moment, pause at the time frames, as you had one at 8:10 and the next at 7:56. However, I soon realized it was from a different POV.
I think you handle the POV changes very well. That is often hard to pull off, but you do it nicely, plus keep us on track with the timed entries. Good job.
What a great idea! I want to be part of the challenge. I clicked and it said restricted, but I will try again. I like the idea of progressively building the number of words as the days progress. It is like a daily workout where you try to beat what you did the day before. Just as a workout builds muscles, this could build the writing "muscles." Thanks for providing it.
Evelyn
This is a wonderful commentary on dysfunctional relationships in a family. I really sort of enjoyed reading it, and sort of felt unnerved by it. I have had an abusive childhood, so guess it hits home to much.
There were a few areas where grammar needed to be checked, as well as formatting (paragraph indentations, etc.).
Overall, this was really good. Just needs some cleaning up with typing, spelling and grammar in a few places.
This is so vivid. It is excellent. I vacillated all over the universe in trying to decide what was going on. At first, I thought of real demons. Then, I thought of child abuse. Next, I thought of an abused spouse.
I think that is what makes it so enticing. It really speaks to a person wherever they are. I have been abused as a child and as a spouse, and I could identify with parts of it for that reason. I can't say as I have ever seen a confirmed demon, but I can imagine that the poem could be addressing that as well.
A good job. I wouldn't change anything. Grammar, rhyme, rhythm, meter, all were excellent.
Such a wonderful glimpse at a family you so obviously love. I love these "slices of life" you are sharing with us. I love your fiction writing, but I think I love these memoirs more.
You have a wonderfully inspiring family, from the youngest to the oldest. Keep enjoying them, for as you know, the time is so short to enjoy.
This is so good. I love the repetition of the "refrain" and love how it changes at each repetition.
You so capture the way a relationship can drift and suffer, even when people love each other.
I just lost my brother in October and can so identify. I had drifted from him. Not through a rift in our relationship, but due to physical distance and an abusive husband who attempted (and succeeded) in separating us. Later, after the divorce, I could have repaired that distance, but didn't, through inertia, I guess. I will always regret the relationship we could have had, and that I wanted, but neglected, thinking, like you, there was plenty of time for that.
Thanks for helping me through this by realizing others have it, too.
You have written an excellent piece, one that is hard to make interesting. You have used a lot to technical terms, and higher reasoning, but done so in a way that is interesting. I found myself "speaking" to you along the way, either in agreement or argument.
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I found only one small error - "will be sown" should be shown. Otherwise, this is a perfect piece, though deep. I had to read it several times, and probably need to read it many more to get the complete thought.
This is an excellent story. I can hardly wait to read the rest of it. You have certainly built the story well.
There are several grammatical errors, mostly in using commas. Also, some sentences were either incomplete or run-on. I was going to list them, but they really are too numerous for this review. If you have trouble with editing, email me and I will try to give specific examples of grammatical errors.
Other that the above errors, this story is excellent. It is very exciting. I really want to read the rest.
Very graphically written poem. I don't know if I agree with all your political ideas (I don't really follow politics much) but I do recognize how well you have expressed those views.
I have to say, this is no soft-soap approach to your beliefs. There is no question what you are saying and how you feel about it. I like that in a poem, whether I agree with the ideas or not.
Another heartfelt, emotional poem. You can really share the emotion. Again, I don't know how much of your writing is biographical, but if it is not, you really know how to get into the heart of someone and share that emotion.
I don't see anything with this one that needs improvement. It is excellent.
Evelyn
Oooo-ooo this is so good. I love it. I can feel the raw emotion. I don't know if it is a true account, or if it is ficional, and I don't need to know. Just know that it is so vivid I can feel myself living through it with you.
You are an excellent writer, with lots of emotion that you are not afraid to share. That is what draws the reader in.
I don't see anything in this that needs to be improved. It is a complete, publishable piece.
Evelyn
This is a great story. It is written excellently. There are no punctuation, grammar, or spelling errors. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Your characterization is very strong. I had no problem distinguishing the character traits of each one.
I was so engrossed that when I read the "To Be Continued" I almost got angry. I want to read the rest. Hurry and write some more.
Evelyn
Another great piece of writing! You are multi-talented. I really enjoyed this piece. It was perfect. At first, I felt sort of depressed with the beginning. But, you took it and turned it into a humorous account, though exciting.
I could just feel the pride and excitement throughout the account.
There were no errors in grammar or otherwise. You did an excellent job.
Evelyn
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