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121 Public Reviews Given
166 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of I am not a poet  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

Wow, this is a wonderful poem for someone who is "not a poet". I can identify with a lot of what you are saying here because I am 21 and have not experienced the wide variety of things this world will offer. Love, often times, escapes me for this reason. So i think the subject of this poem is awesome and so current.

Your word choices are simply great. Words like "glittering" and "slicing" are proof of this. I liked the overall flow of this piece, too.

M y favorite part of this poem is the ending. "I am numb to them" is such a great cap to a great poem. It allows the reader to really understand that the narrator is completely oblivious to the "poetic" things around him such as emotional beauty and so on. I also really enjoyed the line "I do not have the right to speak of these things", as if the narrator is underestimating himself somehow. very cool.

Great Job on this!
Keep Writing!

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Review of Dead on arrival  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey again

So i am guessing, and tell me if i am wrong in my interpretation, that jennifer and joe were on a hijacked plane, possibly headed for the world trade center of the pentagon on 9/11. I get that because their deaths still "send shock waves". I thought that this was a very good, touching representation of such an event. You did a great thing with a tough subject. :)

I thought your diction and general flow/rhythm were not quite up to perfection, but did they need to be? To me, good poetry effectively exudes great emotion from the reader. you did that for me, so great job!You created a political piece without drawing battle lines as well, so again, good job.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this short poem! very well done! Keep Writing!

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Review of A Dream Molder  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

I enjoyed reading your poem "A Dream Molder". this is very well written in sensible verse, and i like the overall flow and continuity within this piece.

My suggestion to you is to slightly speed-up the action by makig your passive verses more active. "different options for developing" sounds better to me, at least, as "different options to develop". The following line could use the same love in my oppinion.

Overall i liked this piece, and remember, these suggestions are purely my own and you can disregard them if you wish. Thank you for offering such an interesting, well-written piece!

Keep Writing!!

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Review of The Escape Plan  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your writing style is unique and your story-telling ability is great, to me at least. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story, and i find it curious and fascinating that this actually happened. Your are the Dave of whom you speak? Anyway, back to the story. To me, this is a highly creative and interesting set of events that you record. The way in which you consistently bring in Dave's mathematical, analytical, and calculating mind is very cool to say the least.

However, some aspects of this story can be somewhat confusing to a reader, such as the ending and the relationships between the characters Dave and Maureen, for example. I suggest making this story longer to add more detail about said things. I like the fact that the story is somewhat elusive, though, because a good mystery and using some brains is always, always a good thing. But this may be a little too elusive. Maybe you meant it to be this way, i dont know.

There are also some grammatical errors scattered through this piece, nothing major at all. Hardly noticeable to the casual reader, actually. these sentences are examples of some that may need some brief attention:

(a) Fire came next. Had to.
(b) Daves choices were clear, and stark
(c) forgotten kinda place

a-- Overall, i am enamored by your use of vernacular speech when getting inside Dave's (your) mind. However, The part "had to" is simply grammatically incorrect, unless used in dialogue. "It had to" would suffice.

b--"Dave's"; a mere oversight. just a formality :)

c--Again, love the vernacular as long as it holds true to simple grmmar rules. "kinda" is not really a word unless used in speech--kind of.

Let me emphasize that i love the vernacular diction that you have going on throughout. It is best in this kind of writing because it truly allows the reader to get inside Dave's head, so to speak. You do a splendid job with this throughout with just a couple of minor mistakes, just read this over carefully. Though mainly vernacular, your diction also includes more elevated words that make your writing much more interesting and rich. I gave you a 4 because this piece has potential to be amazing and very amusing. Just maybe make it longer to avoid some confusion by adding detail, and fix the few grammatical errors.

as a side note, it humors me that you placed this under the genre "how-to/advice".

Keep Writing!!

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5
Review of Silent Seduction  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a great poem because, once again, your word choices are brilliant in representing just the right tone to the reader. Your use of alliteration, especially in the first line of the final stanza with the letter "t" also stands out vibrantly and makes for great reading. Thank you for sharing!

Keep Writing!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

Thanks for sharing this great poem! What stands out to me the most about this piece is the use of interesting diction. Your word choices are great in that they produce an awesome tone for the poem as a whole. My favorite line was "the barbed wire that surrounded my heart, corroded" because it is a unique metaphor that i wouldn't have ever thought of. Overall, this was a great poem with awesome diction and metaphor!

Keep Writing!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading your piece of poetry here. I thought your flow and structure was ecellent! well done there. but you are wondering why i gave you a four. Though i like the topic, it's just a bit oversused. Your message doesn't really say anything very clear and memorable. Though, i must admit this is one reader;s take on this...and it is a WONDERFUL holiday read. It really is. thank your for sharing!

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Review of Thinking  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey,

I enjoyed reading this poem, i thought it was quite good. I think everyone can imagine the scene that you portray because i think we have all been there. And you ended it well with the "it's quite fun not to know", it is kind of humurous. Thanjs for the great read!

Keep Writing!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I heard a band sing "You write such pretty words, but love's no story book. Love's an excuse to get hurt....and to hurt". That was my initial impression of this poem, actually, as that song came to my mind. I loved this poem that you have here. Your word choices are great, and your flow is generally good. So great job on this! Keep Writing!

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Review of The Freethinker  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey,

I really enjoyed reading your poem here. It really says a lot about people's thoughts, people's lack there of, and people's closed thinking. Thank you for sharing such a great poem!

Keep Writing!

Joseph

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11
11
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey,

I really, really enjoyed reading your poem! this was really good, overall. My one problem was a small one of organization. Your lines, and indeed your beats, become longer and more numerous repectively towards the end of your poem. This distracts from your overall flow and feel of the poem. However, this is not enough to fully distract, and rememeber this is one reader's oppinion. thanks for the great read!

Joseph

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Let me preface this by saying that i do not totally agree with your politcal beliefs mainly because of this line "bush and cheney abuse executive priveledge...". Well it seems today that our current presidency horribly abuses executive power through his application of bogus designations such as czars, overtaking of american businesses such as car companies, and his desire to overthrow private health insurance. So i really do not see how you can say this of bush. (no, i do not and did not agree with the bush/cheney administration in MANY areas). Again, this is just my oppinion of the world.

Onto your poem. though, again, i disagree with you politically, i think you have a solid piece of work here. (i really am trying to be objjective). Your flow, however, could use a tiny bit of work. Your diction is not completely perefect, as i thnk you are able to create a much more powerful piece. I do realize that this piece is much more about message, though. i just think that you can make your point more poignant by making your tone more powerful.

Overall you did a good job here, thanks for the thought-provoking read! Keep Writing!

Joseph

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Review of Darkest Fantasy  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hey,

Thanks for the writing here. Overall i think you have a good start. Your organization, however, could you use work, this reallly hindered your flow. Also, your imagery was somewhat lacking. I, the reader, had a hard time following along with your thought process because of the rhythm and your imagery. This is, however, just one reader's oppinion, and i am no expert on poetry. I just know what i like to hear and read. Tahnks for this piece. Keep Writing!'

Joseph

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Review of Prom Queen  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
To me, this is an interesting piece. i liked reading it overall, i just think that the flow was a bit off throughout the poem. i like the message within this poem, though. You tell an interesting story, here. I just think that maybe you should look over the rhythm of this poem. this is just one reader's oppinion, i am no expert. i just know what feels and sounds good to me and me alone. thanks for the great read!

Joseph

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Review of Equine Arrival  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this simple piece of poetry. I enjoyed the most your descriptive words that you use throughout this piece. It makes for a beautiful poem. The reader can easily feel what you are speaking of and so your imagery is quite good. your flow and ryhthm are also good here, so obverall i really liked this pice. i thought it is great! thanks for the fantastic read!

Joseph

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Review of Dark Poetry  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You have a very nice mix of horror/monster/dark genres with a bit of erotica and psychology to add some interests. though i am not a fan of erotica, the little i have seen you do well. My favorite piece is probably "anger" because everyone can agree and understand you there, unless they aren't human that is. Your poetry is quite good, and it is a pleasure to read. Thank you for the poems, and Keep Writing!

Joseph

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Review of Unconditional  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good poem. Though this can be taken to mean a devotion to God or another higher power, this could also be (more simply) a love poem, or ode, to a lover. i love the ability to be more than one thing. "my knees need polished by my floor" is my favorite line because of its obvious meaning of prater. i just think you said it in a clevor way. My only problem with this piece is the general rhythm throghout this poem. Maybe making your sllyable usage per line coudl be benefiicial? That is merely one reader;s oppinion!

Thank you for the great read! Write on!

Joseph

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Review of Nighttime Lover  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
i thought that is a very interesting and creative piece that inspires me. Your imagery and desciptions are all very good here, and i like your somwhow somber and dark tone you have going on. My only problem was subtle problems in the general flow of the poem. for instance, the second stanza sounds somewhat choppy in the lines "time and time again...you take all of me". your rhythm is slowed somwhat in that second line, which hinders the flow slightly. Good work here, just simply read over it again and make a few minor revisions and i think you will be set. Just focus on syllables and beats within lines as to compared to other lines. Keep Writing!

Joseph

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Review of Shatter  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

Thank you so much for this enjoyable read! your pain and indignation become so clear through your words. That being said your imagery and descriptions are superb! your words truly paint a picture of a story that i am able to visit. Thank you so much for sharing such a great piece! Keep Writing!

Joseph

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Review of Dove and Crow  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well...this is very good. i am impressed, you area talented writer based on this work. your descriptions and Imagery are just stunning! i admire that. I can't really offer any suggestions to your work here, this is terrific. i gave you a fice because of you imaginative mind is so evident. your flow is great, as is your diction. great job!! thanks for sharing!

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Review of Maybe It's Me?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me start this review by saying that have bipolar disorder. I say this because this piece speaks to me due to its affirmation that we sometimes blame ourselves and think that we are the problem, even though this is simply not the case. This is very beautiful work, and i loved reading it. It is truly from the heart. Your flow is good--very good outside a few minor problems. Let me see, you created this in '07, and modified it earlier this year. My suggestion is that you look over your flow and rhythm a little. Though most of your lines are simply stunning, there are a few that seem to need just a little bit of love. the last line of the second stanza could be one of them ("wouldn't you also wish to be dead") sounds a little choppy in the middle there--"you also wish to be dead". I am not going to tell you how to word it, your're the poet here, its merely my suggestion to look at it again. Also, in the sixth stanza, "but if they do, then how do they smile", maybe leave out the word "then"? i think its makes it flow a little better into the next line. Overall, great job! thanks for the wonderful read! i hope this review helped!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great read! very well done. the hope you present here is so evident and encouraging. Your tone just makes me want to smile and your flow is very good. One very, very minor problem for me was the line "Filled with laughter filled with tears", perhaps there should be a comma between the two ideas? i do not think it will slow down the poem at all. this is merely a suggestion, though. :)

great work!

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Review of Depression  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this poem! great work. i like the conundrum that you place here with the feelings of wanting to be left alone vs the urgency for help and an end to the turmoil of dperession. When depressed, people all to often want to stay in their depression for many reasons. At the same time, they feel an urgency to want to pain to go away, so you sum up this paradox very well. Thanks for the great read, i can offer no suggestions. :)

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Review of Who Me???  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

This is a great little warm-hearted piece of poetry here. I really enjoyed reading this! The couplet in the end is my favorite part because the flow was remarkable and the rhyme was perfect. The beats were just right on the money. I only have one small problem throughout this entire poem. that is the lines "she's a writer...both skill and flair". It was a bit choppy in its sound and rhythm and i know this is in pentameter, but just saying "myriad" after placing a comma confuses me slightly. Putting the word "a" would fix that problem, but destroy your pentameter. This may just be a personal problem, and others may not see any problem there, so ignore me if this is true. :) overall, this is a great piece. Thanks for sharing!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great job here! this is stunning, really. I am a big fan of repitition when it is well done and you did it well with "a change is coming" every other stanza. The spiritual underpinnings here are interesting to me, too. My favorite stanza is the third "a change is coming...the birth of the buffalo child" because you really convey a sense of urgency through your well formed diction. Thanks for the great read!

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