Such a frightening story. Children are so often abused and it's never heard of until they are adults, then reactions take place, quite often for the worse. The story developed well as it progressed and left me wanting to get my hands around the father's neck. The final para was not what I expected - as always the optimist. The child's character portrayal is very well done and without any clutter. Well edited and in my opinion does not need any chages.
A beautiful story that left me with a lump in my throat. The perserverance of some disabled people is incredible - my brother broke his neck when he was 18yo and became a full quadriplegic, he died 9 years later but in that time became Australia's leading mouth artist, developed a national school of correspondence for disabled artists, designed his own mouth operated wheelchair and was an incredible brother. All this while he battled massive ceasures, so obviously your story his a soft spot with me. The character portrayals and dialogue very well done and without any clutter. Storyline developed well as it progressed and smoothly introduced the build-up to the last sentence. Well edited and without any changes that I would make.
Good morning. Such a profound short story that I enjoyed reading. Character portrayal and dialogue are welll done and without any clutter. The story developed well as it progressed and was easy to follow. Well edited and I cannot see where there needs improvement.
A delightful short story that kept me interested all the way. Great imaginatiion with a touch of humour. The character portrayal and dialogue well done and the verbal interaction between the two characters kept me smiling. The story developed well as it progressed and without any clutter. Will watch for more of your writing.
A delightful romance of memory. Character portrayal and dialogue well done and had me wanting to see her mischievous grin at the thought of the moonlit lake. The storyline developed well as it progressed and without any clutter. Can't see that any change is necessary.
A well written chilling short story. I half expected the ghost to be vindictive but hoped that there would be a happy ending (ever the optimist). The character portrayals were very clear and led the reader smoothly through the story without any clutter. The storyline developed well as it progressed and the last line left me wondering if history would repeat itself.
Such an inspiring short story, kept me interested all the way. People can be unintentionally cruel and don't realise the emotional consequences. The character portrayal very well done and had me wanting to wrap my arms around this child to confort. I've worked with disabled people in the past and know the damage thoughtless remarks can result in. The storyline developed well as it progressed and without any clutter or need for editing. There is nothing I would wish to change in this well written short story.
Good one Lesley. Your story description gives a good clear picture of the situation and without any clutter. I've had a similar experience but with a wild boar out bush. It's hard for me to visualise how large your elks are, but I do know how dangerous our deer are during rutting season. It's good to read something that has been properly edited.
Beautifully said and oh so true. It disturbs me greatly when I see the destruction of the land, fortunately, here in Australia, there's a greater control over this problem than in most other countries. A great storyline coming from the aspect of nature.
Structure - well put together and developed
Rhyme - consistent throughout
Rhythm - nice easy flow
A worthwhile read and no corrections necessary
Rgds Mia
Para starting 'Of the' - insert 'it' after 'though'
para starting 'Stealing would' - insert 'be' after 'would'
A great fast moving story without any clutter.. Character portrayal and dialogue well done. The danger and fantasy elements keep the reader well interested. The story develops well as it progresses. Looking for the next chapter.
A good fast moving story that I hope will be followed by further chapters. Well written without any gramatical or punctuation errors. The characters are well portrayed and without any clutter. Great imagination displayed in this story that develops well as it progresses. Looking for the next one.
Good morning. A well written and fast moving prologue that kept me interested all the way. The character portrayals leads the reader into intrigue and the championing the Captain Verndock. The story progresses smoothly as it develops. The introduction of piracy is an added attraction to fans of fantasy and sci-fi. Grammar and punctuation don't need any correction.
An excellent short story that contained a big story in such a short space. Developed well as it progressed and without any clutter. Grammar and punctuation without error. Descriptive words kept me involved throughout. The chant of the vultures introduced a quality of cruelty, to be followed by the humanity factor in the last line.
Para starting 'Yea Mum' - would suggest the sentence 'Then he felt the ground shake' be revised to something similar to 'Then he felt the bed shake violently and instantly threw himself to the floor'
Para starting 'Jennifer grabbed' - look/looked
Para starting 'Mum' - delete comma after 'You'
Para starting 'He staggered' - scarred/scared
Para starting 'In that' - insert 'you' after 'with'
Para starting 'Ah yes' - are/area
Para starting 'Wait' - He look over and Kyle Garen/He looked over at Kyle and Garen
Good morning. A well written introduction to the story. You've introducted both mystery and fantasy very smoothly and this keeps the readers interested. The character portrayal, I think, brings a nice touch of romance. Dialogue is realistic and easy to follow. The story is developing well as it progresses and without any clutter.
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