Love the repetition, w/the slight (slight?! !) change...from the 'tall blonde' to the 'short dark' ROFL!!! Really have something, here...glad to have found it!
Okay, you do have one little old typo...end of 1st paragraph..you forgot the 'was', 'when she (was) barely a foot away..."
Good Write, Nicole, though, clever, witty and Hey, Welcome to Writing.com!!!!!
There is much here that is quite effective...
It has an angry quality, a sense of aimless loss...
May I suggest, so that you get yourself read checking out the Review Rendesvous Group in Pita's portfolio...
I see that you are very new, here...welcome to writing.com...
This story is 'affecting', also...there are a few typos, and it, perhaps could use just a bit of looking over, but there is a LOT of raw truth in this and you really ought to be read...please do check out that group...I believe that you can win an upgrade, etc...and you have something, here that with some editing, fleshing out....IN MY OPINION...only, I am not an editor, I just am another person here, who found something intense here, and why not make it even more....
Thanks,
m.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/miblu
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 11:30am on Apr 24, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
!) change...from the 'tall blonde' to the 'short dark' ROFL!!! Really have something, here...glad to have found it!