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559 Public Reviews Given
668 Total Reviews Given
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1
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Review of Genres  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great example of the Diamante's antonym style. You did a fine job contrasting between comedy, and horror. Using two different colors, though unnecessary, was a nice touch, and gave the piece a visual dynamic which allowed the reader to easily distinguish the different emotions of the poem. It reminds me of the yin/yang, only in literary form.

The pieces flows well, and your chosen adjectives perfectly describe their respective subjects. I have tried this form myself, but utilizing its synonym style instead. This contrasting form seems slightly more challenging, but you pulled it off with flying colors, pun intended. *Wink*

Thank you for sharing this with us. It was an enjoyable read, and has inspired me to give this style a try. Keep up the great work, and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

Mike *Cool*

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Review of Amber Alert  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting poetry form that I've never come across before, and it looks like you did a great job with this piece. In few words, you capture the sad, and painful truth that a little girl has been taken from her family. The image used is visually powerful, enhancing the darkness that this poem contains. I'm not a parent, but I still could imagine the mental anguish, and the heartache of having a child abducted, possibly never seeing them again.

The only thing I noticed was the spelling of "envelopes", and "developes". They should be spelled without the final "e". "Envelop", without the -e is the verb form of the word, which is what you were conveying, the darkness developing. The other is a simple, common misspelling. I'm merely offering my humble opinions, please take no offense.

Your piece is filled with dark emotion, and the feeling of loss. It flows well, and has solid overall structure. Given the limited amount of words, you managed to convey quite a bit, a feat not easily attained. Nicely done. Keep up the great work, and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This reminds me why you should always research more when you decide to move, or build your own place. I thought this was quite comical. My favorite part is the last line, "Next time, remind me to ask for a dormant volcano.” Really?? Too funny.

You did a pretty god job with such a limited amount of words. They were quite descriptive, allowing me to form visual images of this volcanic nightmare that your "supervillain" found himself experiencing. I doubt I'll ever find myself surrounded by lava, but if I ever did, I hope I'd have the sense of calm, and humor your character displays here. Well done!

The piece has a fairly steady flow, and solid overall structure. I did not notice any glaring grammatical issues, but I'm not a grammar ninja either. I enjoyed reading your piece of volcanic misfortune. Keep up the great work, and positive direction. Write on!

Mike *Cool*

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Review of Family Christmas  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Gifts Galore Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and sisco. It is the package you won in the "Invalid Item" 

A lot of us have heard the term, "Christmas in July", so that brings me to this piece I came across in your port. *Wink*

You describe a lot of heartwarming, joy filled scenes in this piece. Family members gathering together during this most special time of year, and all the love that comes with it, reminds people of how fortunate it is to be blessed enough to experience such times. However, some people in this world do not get to be part of a close knit, loving family. Those of us that are should never take it for granted.

Christmas has not always been picture perfect during my life, even spending one completely alone, secluded from my family. Events like the ones described here need to be experienced if one is truly to understand how precious they are. You can describe it all you want, but I think it is something that all of us that celebrate the Christmas holiday should go through at least once in their life, and preferably many times if at all possible.

The piece flows well and has solid overall structure. You made great use of imagery, giving us a wonderful glimpse into the loving environment that you find yourself in during the holiday season. Thank you for sharing this tale of family harmony with us. It was a great read.

Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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5
5
Review of Grandmothers  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Gifts Galore Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~ Santa Sisco ~ . It is the package you won from the "Invalid Item" 

This piece is full of positive emotion and heartfelt thoughts. I remember all the great times and special moments I shared with my grandmother. I wouldn't have traded them for anything. She passed on many years ago, but I still feel her with me from time to time, especially when I'm feeling a bit down.

I liked each of the things you mentioned as you listed the traits that a lot of grandmothers out there possess. I miss visiting mine, walking in the front door and smelling something delicious being prepared in her kitchen. Those were wonderful times that I'd love to be able to repeat.

Your piece doesn't have to rhyme to be a poem, so no worries there. It's the feeling and love you put into it that counts. My rating is reflective of how I interpreted it, and how it made me feel, not because of how it was written. Sometimes, feeling is more important. *Wink* Nicely done! Thank you for sharing this endearing piece with us.

Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Gifts Galore Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~ Santa Sisco ~ . It's the package you won from the "Invalid Item" 

I liked this, it made me laugh. (laugh because it was so far fetched, NOT because people and animals were shot, for those reading this, thinking I'm nuts.)
As macho and rugged as John Wayne portrayed himself to be, I could picture him taking out his frustrations in this fashion, just shooting people and his horse after being completely fed up with the constant interruption. It makes you wonder if they ever finished shooting the scene.

Your writing in this piece was very descriptive, allowing me to picture the scene perfectly. I could see the grips removing the bodies of his unfortunate targets after he filled them with lead. The part when Wayne went over to the next set and shot all the gangsters in the other movie being filmed just added to the craziness.

When I reached the part of his line being halted because of his gassy horse, I thought to myself, "oh geez, the horse is next", and sure enough, it was. I laughed at the end when John Wayne was finally about to say the line, only to have a fly get lodged in his throat, enabling him to only think it, and to feel that it was just not meant to be. That was a great way to end the piece. I could imagine the look on his face. It must have been priceless. Great job!

The piece flows fairly well and has solid overall structure. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Gifts Galore Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~ Santa Sisco ~ . It was the package you won from the "Invalid Item" .


The scene depicted here is quite amusing, yet so far fetched. The thought of a man taking his child along with him as he attempts to rob a bank sounds like something straight out of a comedy movie. Then a police officer comes along, and he has his kid with him too, which makes the scene even more laughable.

The two children share a common thread. All they're concerned with is going to get some ice cream, pretty much not worried about what's going on around them, thinking it's all merely a game their fathers are playing. Ah, the innocence of youth.

Overall, this is OK, not wholly original, but it provided comic relief, which nowadays, with all that's going on in the world, is much needed. You kept things simple, which works for something like this, and the dialogue between father and son was pretty typical, but an accurate representation of how a conversation may go in a situation like this. You did a good job with that. I was able to picture the scene in my head quite easily. Nicely done.

Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of HER PATH  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very touching, emotionally driven poem. Your words carry the feelings of loss, love, and inner pain. Starting out as a positive, beautiful scene of two people about to join together, the piece slowly, yet effortlessly gives way to aspects of sorrow and loneliness.

She loses the man that meant the world to her, now finding herself on her own, no longer having him at her side as life progresses. His wedding ring will serve as a constant reminder of a lover that has been lost, but never forgotten.
Her tears do little more than purge some of the depressing thoughts she feels.

Perhaps one day the two of them will be together, and they can rekindle the flames of their passions and deep feelings for one another. Until such time, she only has her memories to fill at least part of the void that resides in her heart.

The piece flows well and has solid overall structure. You did a great job conveying your thoughts, painting a vivid picture with your expressive words. Nicely done. Thank you for sharing this tale of lost love with us.

Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Hyperiongate ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Gifts Galore Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~ Santa Sisco ~ , courtesy of your win in the "Invalid Item" . I offer my honest opinion.

This serves as a nice reminder as to why I do not pick up hitchhikers, no matter how enticing they may look. "Little Missy" appears to be a very disturbed individual, using her sexuality to garner the attentions of her next unsuspecting victim. She gets them all worked up, then when the time comes, and she knows they will follow, she turns and ever so sweetly and discretely brings an end to their life.

You did a great job describing the events which led up to her dark plans. You keep everything together nicely, never running off into an unnecessary tangent. The piece flows at a even pace, and has a lot of quality for such a short write.

It appears as if "Missy" works the same stretch of highway, East then back West. The ending has me wondering just where she disposes of all her "heroes of the moment". I can only imagine, and it's not a pretty thought I can assure you. Somewhere out there is an area of land that will have plenty of those nasty, vile vultures flying overhead as their sense of smell picks up the wafting odor of decaying bodies. Isn't that just lovely?

Thanks for sharing this tale of hitchhiking homicide with us. It gives me good enough reason to keep on truckin'! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Channel Blocker  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Hyperiongate ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Gifts Galore Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~ Santa Sisco ~ , courtesy of your win in the "Invalid Item" . I offer my honest opinion.

I really liked this fun, light hearted piece. It seems that Howard's personality is directly tied into the various programs he watches on cable. I got a bit of a chuckle each time Thelma named off another channel that she deemed necessary to block from viewing.

Getting rid of ESPN would be quite difficult for me. I could live without FOX News or QVC, but bidding SportsCenter goodbye? I don't think so! *Wink* Your piece was sprinkled imagery and humor. I could picture this big mound of clothes that appeared as no one was actually inside them, when in reality it was poor Howard buried under several layers due to the snow and cold outside. I remember those days from my days as a youth on Long Island. Now that was cold!

The piece flows well and has solid structure, despite it being another piece of flash fiction. You have certainly demonstrated that quality can be achieved with few ingredients. Thank you for sharing this tale of Howard and his cable driven mindset. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Free Agency  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Hyperiongate ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Gifts Galore Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~ Santa Sisco ~ , courtesy of the package you won from the "Invalid Item" . I offer my humble opinion.

This is a very good piece for something that is so short and written under a time limit. The main character, Mr. Black, comes across as very confident and fearless. Having known that one day he'd meet his demise, he faced the forces of darkness with bravado, not letting them instill fear into his being.

You made great use of imagery in this piece, describing the actions going on around Mr. Black in such a way that I could easily form clear mental images that enhanced the overall reading experience.

For something written under the watchful eye of a clock, you managed to keep the flow pretty steady. I had no trouble navigating my way through this short tale. My favorite part was at the end when Mr. Black smiled, despite being faced with his own death. Nicely done!

Thank you for sharing this with us. I found it to be an enjoyable read. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Hyperiongate ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Gifts Galore Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~ Santa Sisco ~ , courtesy of your winning package from the "Invalid Item" . I offer my honest opinion.

I've never tried my hand at writing flash fiction, but if I did, this piece would serve as a very helpful tool. You have provided great information, and have done it in such a way that the average reader can understand what you are trying to explain. You did not alienate some readers with technical jargon that they may not fully understand. I can appreciate that.

The piece has a nice, steady flow and solid overall structure. I like the clarification you made about your third point. I could see how it may have been interpreted a different way. Nicely done!

Thank you for sharing your helpful points of view when it comes to the practice of writing flash fiction. Your piece may serve as a catalyst for someone to give it a shot, something they may not otherwise have taken. I applaud your efforts. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of The Honeymoon  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I'd say this pretty much answers your question of what a jealous newlywed might do. The Green-Eyed monster makes quite an impact at the conclusion of this tale of wedded bliss gone awry. The new husband decided to cross a second threshold with the maid of (dis)honor, because apparently the ring on his finger cut off circulation to his brain, causing his blood to run south towards a different head most men get accused of thinking with, which brings out his cheating, pleasure seeking personality.

Your piece is layered with positive and negative emotion, each taking its turn until the negative deals the final, swift and decisive blow. You described the scene very well. I could picture everything that was happening quite clearly. Jealously can be quite deadly, as this piece demonstrates perfectly. After reading it, I couldn't help but wonder just how long the husband and maid of honor were intimately involved, and how they kept it a secret. One thing is for sure, the vow of "till death, do we part" certainly didn't last long. This was definitely not a typical ending for an episode of the "Love Boat". *Wink*

Thank you for sharing this twisted tale of a matrimonial downward spiral. It serves as a good example of why faith, trust, and true love for each other should be solid, or a scenario such as this will surely manifest itself. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

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Review of For An Angel  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Simply Beautiful. A very heartfelt, touching piece about one of WDC's well known members, and a friend to many around this great community. As unfortunate as her passing is, you remind us that she now finds herself in a place where peace, love, and joy reign supreme, and she can now rejoice in the presence of the Almighty.

Raw emotion filters through every fiber of your words as you pay tribute to your WDC sister, leaving me with a true sense of how special Jaye was to you. Your words flow at a nice, steady pace, and the piece has excellent overall structure. I have no suggestions for any improvement. This was written from the heart, and expresses your thoughts perfectly. I know it serves a mostly aesthetic purpose, but your choice of font color really seems to work for this particular piece. I know that's a bit trivial, but I just felt like mentioning that.

I really enjoyed reading this piece very much. Thank you for sharing this angelic dedication to Jaye P. with us. I'm sure she is looking down with a big smile, realizing how much her good friend loves her. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

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Review of Awakening  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello warriormom! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Angel Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Just an Ordinary Boo! . I offer my honest and humble opinion.

I can relate to this piece, as I have had my battles with depression as well. Luckily, I have been able to fight through them, getting back to a healthy state of mind. I really like the way this piece comes full circle in such a short time. The beginning, with the cold wind nipping at your face, to me represented the onset of depression. The ending line, with you breathing in that cold air and feeling alive, shows that you were able to overcome the adversity and forge ahead with a sense of purpose. At least that's how I interpreted it. *Smile*

You managed to say a lot with very little, with each word clinging to the next and forming a strong, positive message. Imagery was well used, allowing me to picture the scene just as you described.

Depression consumes the mind of many individuals, and this piece shows that it can be beaten. I'm glad it worked for you. Thank you for sharing this short, yet powerful piece with us. I applaud your victory. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of The Porch Swing  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello warriormom! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Angel Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and Just an Ordinary Boo! . I offer my humble opinion.

This piece is uplifting, and it is full of warm, positive emotion. All the scenes you describe blend perfectly together, creating a perfect example of what can be enjoyed when the mind is refreshed and relaxed.

You made great use of imagery, as I was able to easily form mental pictures of your surroundings. It reminds me of a place that is away from the hustle and bustle of the big city, a place that peace and quiet actually has a chance of being reality.

Your faith and love for the Lord shines brightly in this piece. I can see you taking full advantage of the tranquil moments this day has provided. I'm sure it did wonders for the mind, body, and spirit.

Some people never get to feel like this. They live in constant fear for their lives, and are enveloped by the resulting stress. How much better would this world be if everyone were able to find peace within themselves?

I enjoyed reading this very much. I have to admit, I have not felt too many moments like this, but this reminds me that it is possible. Thank you for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Oh the Cost  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Birthday Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and It's too hot already! . Included is the message, "This comes with a rub behind the ears and howl to the moon for a wonderful 21st Birthday! ~Wolfeyes"

This piece displays plenty of raw emotion. Your words reflect the pain and sadness felt by someone that has a lot of respect, love, and admiration for the brave people serving in our military.

They face the chance of paying the ultimate price, the loss of precious life, with each day that they sacrifice their bodies and minds to maintain the freedoms this nation holds so dearly. I had a grandfather that served in WWII, so this piece honors him as well. I thank you for that.

I respect the thoughts behind this writing. This piece serves as a reminder that we, as proud Americans, owe a lot to all the men and women of our military that have paid a heavy price. Without them, our very existence would be much different. Freedom would be a mere memory, a scary thought indeed.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I applaud your efforts. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Birthday Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and It's too hot already! . Included is the message, "This comes with a rub behind the ears and howl to the moon for a wonderful 21st Birthday! ~Wolfeyes"

This is an emotional, sentimental piece that displays positive feelings for a person you were proud to call a special friend. I won't begin to touch on anything that may be wrong with this piece because something such as this is written from the heart. The reasons behind it far outweigh any grammatical issues there may be.

I can appreciate a heartfelt piece such as this. There are people in our lives that have a special place and a positive effect on us. Kathy Smile was that sort of person for you. You displayed your thoughts clearly, and I was able to get a sense of just how much she meant to you as a friend.

I enjoyed reading your piece very much. Thank you for sharing it with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a heartfelt, emotional piece. The bond you have with your father is very strong. You did a great job showing us the special connection the two of you had. I liked the sprinkling of "sea talk" you added to your piece. It added a nice, personal touch of your father's character.

The piece has a steady flow and fine overall structure. You did a great job with the chosen rhyme scheme, with the only slight blip coming in the fifteenth stanza (gale/tell), a very minor difference. Your wording is descriptive and clear, allowing the reader to form vivid, mental images that only enhance the reading experience.

As I read through this, it made me think of how lucky you are to have experienced a great relationship with your father, something that I, and a lot of other people in this world, did or do not have. You put a lot of love into this writing, and your feelings shine through.

I wish you the best. Thank you for sharing this personal slice of your life on the open seas. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

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In affiliation with Vigilante Angel Ranger Team  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review comes as part of your winning package from "Invalid Item" . I offer my honest, humble opinion.

This piece made me think about your comments. You are right, there are many people that have fallen by the wayside in the eyes of society. Their lives have been relegated to mere footnotes or afterthoughts. Your words describe these people in a fading light. This is the first time I've ever heard of such people being referred to as an Urban tumbleweed. It created a mental picture of them being blown by the wind from one town to another, with no regard to direction, only to call another location a temporary home until the next strong wind takes them to yet another city.

Your piece is full of sadness, but it manages to sprinkle in a small ray of hope at the end. Will we ever see the end to the growing number of Urban tumbleweeds? Only time will tell, but the foreseeable outlook is bleak, mirroring the lives of these drifting souls.

The piece has a steady flow and solid overall structure. You made good use of imagery, allowing for the formation of mental images depicting the plight of these people. You presented your thoughts clearly, and perhaps give readers something to think about. Nicely done. Thank you for sharing it with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

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Review of Dark Poet  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Friendship Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and very thankful . Included is the message, "This is a part of the mystery package you won in the Big Hearts Auction"

I agree, the photo seems to fit your words perfectly. This thick slab of poetic darkness really gives the reader some interesting insight into what types of things inspire words of doom and despair.

You sir, from what I've read so far, write some very good poems. I have tried my hand at writing poetry, but in my opinion of myself, I have yet to produce anything of this quality. Your writing is very descriptive, as this piece clearly demonstrates. It serves as an inspiration for me to continue honing my own writing, so I might one day produce a piece such as this.

The piece has a nice, steady flow and solid overall structure. The last stanza rings familiar in my mind. It does seems that even after releasing these dark words from our mind, we never truly embrace peace. You stated that very well.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us. I was glad to come across it this morning. I enjoyed reading it very much. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of Canyons of Light  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Friendship Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and very thankful . Included is the message, "This is a part of the mystery package you won in the Big Hearts Auction."

I really liked this. New York was the first place I thought of, naturally, because I'm originally from that state. Your descriptive wording paints a vivid picture, which the reader can use to form images in their head, enhancing the overall experience.

Thoughts of walking the sidewalks of NYC at 4am, when most of the world resides in slumber, came to mind. The city is just as vibrant and full of life during the nighttime hours as it is when the sun splashes it with its warming rays.

Your piece flows well and has solid structure. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for the little popnote for the word "lambent". It saved me from reaching for the dictionary. *Laugh* I believe it's the first time I've encountered that word. It's nice to learn something from a good piece of writing.

Like a fledgling pushed from
its nest, the sun withdraws
it's luminous hands - but the
city shines on... I like the way you put that. That's a great way to describe the oncoming nightfall and the way the city continues to shine brightly despite the retreating sun. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Review of One final race ~  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Kate - Writing & Reading ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Review Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and ~ Santa Sisco ~ . Included is the message, "This is a substitute for package #5 in "Invalid Item" ".

I thought this was rather interesting. Two people meet up, their lives not quite what they imagined, and with a smile and simple suggestion, they decide to swim off, seeking to fulfill a final dream, but with knowledge that only their life's end will be reached.

It makes me think of countless people that have that same sort of mindset, drawing the conclusion that their life will be spent in hopeless pursuit of something they'll never attain. Instead, they choose to put an end to the hopelessness by engaging in a final act that ultimately costs them their soul.

Your piece is filled with great imagery, and you even had me reaching for the dictionary because I have never encountered the word "effluvia". It was nice to learn something new.

Emotions filled your words as well, showing us the character's feelings as they realized what life had become. The piece flows adequately, and has fine overall structure. The spacing seemed to be a bit much, but that is just being nit picky, and merely an opinion.

I think you did a good job with this. I do wonder if it could ever be expanded into a longer story, the potential is certainly there.
Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello ~ Santa Sisco ~ ! *Smile*
This review comes as part of your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  and very thankful . Included is the message, "Thank you for supporting "Invalid Item" "

This warm, emotional piece really shows love in a positive way. The love between your daughter and yourself is quite evident. Your words displayed a picture perfect scene which every father should experience.

You did a good job with the chosen rhyme scheme, and the piece flows fairly well, with only slight rough spots in the second stanza. Overall, a solid effort. I enjoyed reading it very much. thank you for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*


Mike *Cool*

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Rated: E | (4.0)
A very somber piece indeed. Love certainly seems to inspire a lot of writing. This piece is full of sad, negative emotions. Your inner pain is quite evident. Love can heal or hurt, all in the same day. Your words reflect the latter.

As I read through your piece, I could sense the despair and regretful tone in your words. It may better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all,( a saying that I truthfully can't stand) but that offers little if any consolation to the person suffering through the loss of love.

The piece has a bit of an uneven flow, probably due to the inconsistent syllable count per line. The rhymes themselves are fine. Overall, you did a pretty good job with this. You presented your thoughts clearly, allowing the reader to easily follow along.

I'm not an expert by any means, but one thing I can say about love is, don't ever give up. If you do, you could develop a big hole inside that will never go away. Take it from someones who knows.

Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on! *Smile*

Mike *Cool*

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