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8 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by 33
Rated: E | (5.0)
I thought it was pretty good. The word "trite" seemed forced. Just not a very common word I don't believe. I would've liked "fit" and "s***", but then it might be considered vulgar.

Great job though.
2
2
Review of Whisper  
Review by 33
Rated: E | (2.5)
I liked the topic. I think what got me the most, as what does with most poems, when a poem has such an obvious rhyme scheme I wish the syllables would match up more. I'm not sure what the technical term is, but here's an example:

After all, just yesterday we’d been in the park, (12 syllables)
Feeding the birds, her favorite was a lark (10-11, depending on how pronounce "favorite")
But when I thought about all that had passed (10 syllables)
I realized that yesterday, was 10 years past (11 syllables)

I maybe would've said this:

After all, just yesterday, we'd been in the park (12)
Feeding the birds - her favorite, the bright yellow lark (12)

And so forth and so on.

Keep writing!
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