I love it. It has tension in it which is good and the way you have left it had me wondering if this poppy is gay or just being a good friend. It is an easy read with a good pace. You could add a bit more about what she does at home during her break and the relationship with her mother and father. But overall it’s good and I would like to see where you are going to take it. It has a hook and I’m in.
Yes I'd love to read more. It would be interesting to see how the story unfolds and what has caused him to be a tortured soul. It prosed a lot of questions in my mind which is always a good sign to a book with a lot of mystery.
A good read. I like the twist towards the end and the suspense you created throughout it was amazing. It took me a while to get used to your writing style at the beginning of the piece, as I felt it was written in short hand and for me I like to join sentences to make them flow more. However once I got past the first couple of paragraphs I was into it and very intrigued to find out what was going on.
Wow I love it. It makes a great deal of sense and has real emotion and thought. I didn't want it to end. It really got me thinking about my own relationship and how I relate to it.
I think you need the word 'your' in the line 'something is on brain'.
a few commas need to be added I think in places, but overall its a brilliant poem.
Hi I love your poem. Its very heart felt and I can understand exactly where you are coming from. Its easy to read and flows from the top to the bottom. I like poetry that rhymes as I think it flows better that way.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mira2016
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 9:28am on Apr 24, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
