What a sad, but beautiful story! I'm so sorry for the loss of your father, but I was blessed by the visits that he made to your family to reassure you that he was okay and that he loved you all. I'm sure it's bittersweet, but take comfort in knowing how much he must have loved you! God bless you!
What a gut-wrenching story! I can remember the feeling of deperation - of clinging to every last shred that there was in a relationship! You've captured it well in this write - not that any of the boneheads I ended up with were every so brutally honest or maybe they were and I ignored them. Keep writing!
I can recall feeling confused and invisible so many times - and still do occasionally. It was not until I realized my worth and value come from God that I was able to come to terms with who I am and what I am here on Earth for. Keep up the good work!!!
Brutal honesty! I love it! I, too, would much prefer to cascade around in my ugly, cracked and dried up feet! I really enjoyed this write! I think that writing something every day is a great idea! Though, finding the time would be my never-ending problem! Keep up the good work!
Excellent, thought-provoking write! After having failed at relationships time and again, I have realized that it was me being attracted to the wrong kind of people that ruined these relationships. So, looking deep within, I've learned to change myself and am now drawn to healthier, more suitable people. Mr. Right is out there...and I know God will find him for me...and for you :)
I was cracking up on this one!!!! This write is so graphic and so funny!! You left one hilarious image in the mind of this reader! The only line that didn't jive for me was the cement/skillet line. I get the picture, but the rhyme just isn't there. Other than that, excellent job!
WOW! What a sad, incredible story!! It's freakish in parts and scary! You have done an excellent job of pulling this reader into the incredible world of your imagination. I was on the edge of my seat - concerned for the children! I'm so glad you allowed them to live! What an amazing job! I'd give it 6 if I could! Keep up the great work!
Thank you for entering this in my contest. I have to admit, by the end, I was blinded by tears. I'm sorry for the loss, but the way you tell Nana'a story bring glory and honor to her. And especially when your little boy started singing - it gave me goosebumps. God bless you!
This a very expressive way of dealing with your grief. I don't think any of us are ever quite the same after losing someone that we love and care about. This write puts it clearly into perspective. You've done a very good job. I'm sorry for your loss, but keep up the great writing!
Wow....I've been in abusive relationships too, my friend, and this write envelopes how I have felt many, many times. The imagery you provide bring visual heartache to this reader and takes me back into that world for brief moment and relief that I am no longer there. God bless you! Keep up the great work!
This is truly a thought-provoking write. I know that I am 28 years old and just starting to learn who I am. I do agree that it is a lifelong process. This write is excellent because there is a lot of room to expand. You can take this topic anywhere. I would spell out the number 4. Keep up the great work!
This piece provides such beautiful imagery and visual significance. I really like this part: Sitting beneath those ominous skies
With the wind to my back,
Blowing straight through this hearty smile
Possessing the power to crack. How I can relate to that particular verse! This write is very good with lots of room to expand. Keep up the great work!
This is such a sweet write. It provokes within the reader fond memories of my own past Christmases. It wasn't like the one in your story, but they still hold the familiar happiness in an otherwise dark and dreary childhood. I enjoyed reading this piece. Keep up the great work!
This is such a wonderful, inspirational write!! I can relate so much to the experience of feeling lost and lonely. It reminded me so much of my flesh dying more and more as I reach out to know Jesus more and more. Thank you for sharing the spiritual journey!
What a beautiful story from the doggie's perspective! When I was growing up, I had a mutt named Stormy. She was such a loyal dog and I just loved her. I grew up and moved out on my own. Stormy had never wandered away from home. Somehow, she came up missing. She was very, very old. The only thing we can figure is that she wanted to save her family the torture of seeing her pass away. We all miss her. Thank you for bringing the memories of our beloved pet.
This piece has the reader emotionally torn. Fearful for the little ones who see their mother's pain and a mother, filled with such agony and pain. My heart ached for her because I know someone who lives a life like this. What a sad way to have to live a life! Keep up the great work!
This write has so much imagery and imagination. I was drawn in to each breathtaking moment of your story. The only suggestion is that the ending seemed a bit abrupt. It seems like there should have been more in that final enocounter. Overall, I really like it! Keep up the great work!
I had never fully understood this disease until I met my friend, Donna. I have seen her struggle to move past her anorexia. She is such a beautiful soul, but she has spent her entire life trying to live up to the image her family tried to create. They made her feel like she had to be perfect. In my eyes, she is. It's been a long road, but, fortunately, hers will end in vitory. Thank for bringing this difficult subject to light.
This write brought tears to my eyes. It brought out in me the vulnerability of motherhood. I have four children and I have such dreams for them. Your story about your son brought such fear, emotion and eventually, knowledge. All we can do is "train them in the way that they SHOULD go". Whether they follow or not is up to them. God bless you and thanks for making me think and feel!
This story made me want to throw up. I don't think I've ever read something so revolting and so disgusting in my life. It's horrifying to think this actually happened. That a child would have to endure this kind of lifestyle. Even more revolting is that the mother would get to come home to her child after killing all those babies. I did find a few errors within the write, as listed below, but, trust me, this reader was drawn in and kept on the edge of the seat through the finish. Excellent job. Suggestions:
bleed should be bled
evev (even)
shiney (shiny)
loosing (losing)
Running a spell check would be extremely beneficial. Keep up the great work.
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This story truly hit home for me. When I was in junior high, I had a very close friend that I loved and adored. She had endured a turbulent relationship with her mother and a difficult time at school. Her mom worked the late shift and I knew Amy was feeling suicidal. I kept trying to call and she wouldn't answer. I was so worried. So, I called my mom and told her that I didn't know what to do and we decided that the best thing was to have an officer go check on her. So they did. Amy's mom never knew Amy had those feelings. I was so worried that Amy would be mad at me, but at school the next day, she came to me crying that her and her mom had talked things through and, thanks to me, had the start of a much better relationship. Thank you for bringing those memories to the forfront of my mind. I truly enjoyed your story and I'm so happy that it had a great ending for you!
This is a very sad, all-too-common story. I think it is well-written. I don't think the story should be centered, though. Some formatting would be very good. Also, I didn't like the wording when he was trying to talk to her at McDonalds. Maybe her response could be "Can't you see that I want to be left alone? Just Go." The ending was a little light. It could use a little more plot/description. And fell should be feel. Other than that, I think you have a masterpiece in the works. Great job!
This is a very interesting read. It didn't flow smoothly in some places and I ended up confused about which love chose you. I assume the one you originally let go. The rhyming scheme is good and the emotion is powerful. Just work on the flow and it will be even better! Keep up the great work!
Wow. I had goosebumps reading this story. It totally freaked me out! It really makes you wonder if that's what hell will be like. I mean, who really knows, besides God, of course. This is extremely well-written and it is thought provoking. It brought forth my worst fears. Excellent job. The only two errors I found were "think metal supports" (should be "thick") and "if you thinked it sucked" (think or thought). Keep up the great work!
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