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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mpg1990
Review Requests: OFF
10 Public Reviews Given
10 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will be honest at all times - if there's something wrong with your piece, please don't be offended when I point it out. However, I will also give useful praise and constructive tips to help your word strike a chord!
I'm good at...
Language issues, general flow of a story, "showing, not telling", dialogue...
Favorite Genres
Horror, suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Statics, Short Stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything longer than approx 3000 words (please do not request reviews of anything longer than this - I simply do not have the time)
I will not review...
Novel exerpts/chapters etc, poetry.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Off Character  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I found this piece posted at "Newbie Help And Support Review Central" 


Hello and thank you for sharing this with us all!

I admit it - i'm a tad confused. Was this a short story? Was it a blog about writer's block? I'm not sure. I'm going to treat it as a short story, but only because that is what I thought it was coming into it.

Firstly, I can relate to this. Every writer - myself included - sits down to write, gets 50 words in and thinks "what the hell is this rubbish?!"

However, what I found a little unrealistic is that (assuming this was the protagonist trying to write a mystery novel?) the protagonist has not planned anything out before writing the first chapter. Mystery writers almost exclusively plan out in great detail at least the plot of their story before making a start. There are VERY few good authors who will just sit down and bash out a novel without planning. This is where this story trips up - being an author, the protagonist would have planned at least some aspects of the book. This would have given him an understanding of his protagonist, and so a lot of the fundamental questions - like whether he was a slob, a guy partial to an early-evening cheeseburger etc - would have been figured out in the writer's head.

Also, reading this as a story, the protagonist's self-doubt became quite 'samey' by about his third attempt at the first sentence of his book. I'm sorry to say it, but I was becoming a bit annoyed with the to-and-fro by the end.

HOWEVER, the resolution is hilarious. I couldn't help but let out a giggle at the resigned way he just basically thinks 'f**k it' and goes all politically correct on it! That redeemed the narrative for me, and so overall, it wasn't bad.

I think if some plot were introduced into this, it would help it flow better and give the reader something to look forward to at the end.

I hope this has been helpful, but please remember that this is just one person's opinion!

Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of Dandelions  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello and thank you so much for sharing this piece for us all to enjoy!

I love this story.

I remember reading this story on here a few years ago, and since I have left writing.com and come back again several times, and this is the only story so far that has stuck with me.

It starts off very light-hearted: hey! the dandelions have gone! yay!. But as the narrative progresses, the shadows and the terror begins to seep into the writing. But always interspersed with a sharp and truly funny sense of humour. I think this is important - if the darkness weren't broken up in this story, it would probably have been too heavy.

I have tried - I really have - to find faults in this piece. However, I keep coming up with nothing. I can tell, as a writer of similar fiction to this, that this has been edited and re-edited down to a fine point.

Genuinely, I hope you become a published writer, because this is - as they say - my cup of tea. If it were all of this quality, I would happily read anything you write. If this isn't already published, please consider getting it published. The world could do with reading this story.

I'm sorry if this has veered too much on the positive, but I really, really do like this story. Just in case you haven't already guessed.

--
I hope you found this review helpful. Please remember that these were only my own humble opinions - use them or cast them into the gutter as you see fit!
I am also a writer myself, and if you have the time, I would very much appreciate if you were to cast a critical eye over one of the items in my portfolio. Any feedback would be gratefully received!

Regards,
Matthew


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of Untitled 7  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! I noticed your plug on the Shameless Plug page and it caught my eye. Many thanks for sharing your work for everyone on here to enjoy!

I have to say, you did a darn good job yanking me around in this story. I have a habit of trying to see the ending before it happens, and I hate stories where it can be easily guessed. However, I think I must have gone though about 3 three different ending scenarios in my head before you finally revealed what was going on! I have to say, that was clever!

One criticism I have, particularly near the beginning of the story, is that you have a tendency to use cliched phrases - two examples I picked up were "wondering how i could put the pieces of my life back together" and "my heart skipped a beat". I just thought there could have been a more creative way of expressing those emotions. For example, "it was almost as if my heart turned to stone in my chest."

Something I really liked about this story was when it first started to get weird. You did a great job of setting off the confusion. The moment I got that pang was when Nathalie says, rather unexpectedly, "You know that, Desmond, don't you? That this isn't your home." That last sentence hit me like a brick, and I loved it.

A final criticism, then, is in the way you ended your story. You - very much like myself - displayed a tendency to keep going once the ending has been reached. The whole last scene with Nathalie looking in on the Orderlies sedating Desmond was unnecessary. The ending would have had a much more hard-hitting, finite impact if the last line was left as "And then there was nothing."

Generally, this was a really good story, and one from which I personally learned a lot about introducing a sudden twist in the middle of the story, rather than right at the end. I am sure that a few careful edits, and this would be a great piece of writing.

--
I hope you found this review helpful. Please remember that these were only my own humble opinions - use them or cast them into the gutter as you see fit!
I am also a writer myself, and if you have the time, I would very much appreciate if you were to cast a critical eye over one of the items in my portfolio. Any feedback would be gratefully received!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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