*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mrbean17
Review Requests: OFF
3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Letter  
Review by Mr. Bean
Rated: E | (3.0)
As a writer who also just posted his first words ever, let me start by saying, congrats. I hope you find the encouragement from this community as helpful as I have.

As a new writer, I want reviews to help me improve my (perceived) skills. So I offer this critique to you, as I would want for myself.

The last paragraph I feel is the strongest part of the story. You were able to convey a clear sense of the true dread the character now feels. An overwhelming sense of "defeat" is what I gather from reading it. Placing the letter back into the envelope after folding the letter is a nice contradiction as to controlling an uncontrollable situation. Nicely done.

I don't know if you limited yourself to 500 words or if the story just ended there. But I can absoluteley see this introduction to a story being drawn out a little. I read it a few times and what Ifeel is missing is possibly some details that foreshadow the impending bad news. Describing the kitchen slightly, making reference to the jagged shadows thrown by the morning light. Using "harsh" or "dark" words can set up the ending without the reader realizing it. One other thing I could see working is to create a visual image of the character as well. I see him sitting at the table but I can not "see" him. Is he in his pajamas? Is his hair a mess? Does he have a headache from a bender the night before? A couple small details early can offer a great deal to the story.

I hope this review helps a little. If it seems like babbling then just ignore. But if by chance you take these few ideas to heart and rewrite this, please let me know.
2
2
Review by Mr. Bean
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I enjoy stories that carry an ominous feel. Disaster, end of the world zombie apocolypse..... you know, the usual. So I am definitely intrigued by this premise. I picked up on some references that allowed me to feel as if I was trapped as well. The chill, the wind howling, I believe for what this piece is as of now, it can definitely be a little longer. Not necessarily in the story, but by slowing down the pace of discovery for the reader, adding some more detail of the surroundings I believe this can be a strong intro to a story. I would enjoy to read this and slowly feel as if I was getting colder with the people that are trapped. One other thing, the computer references are a nice touch but they seem to be thrown into the story at an awkward time. Maybe ease some information onto the reader that would infer the mis-interpreted data.

Just my thoughts. Keep at it and if you repost, let me know.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mrbean17