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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/msreynolds
Review Requests: ON
80 Public Reviews Given
130 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Fun quiz, but needed more questions for better response.
2
2
Review of Poetry Survey  
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (4.0)
I read very little poetry, and don't write it hardly at all.

--Melinda
3
3
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (4.5)
I came out as an INFJ (J for judging); so I chose INF as the closest choice.

--Melinda
4
4
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (3.0)
An interesting viewpoint of Lucifer, and one I haven't considered before.

The conflict between Lucifer and Michael is very strong and powerful, as it should be. I'm not sure if Michael should be so demanding, or take on the responsiblity of Lucifer's destruction before the Apocalypse happens. Michael is also presented, thus far, as more 2-dimensional than Lucifer; as if by weakening Michael's character, Lucifer appears stronger (or justified in his actions?). However, Lucifer would know exactly how to bring out the worst in Michael's character, therefore casting the Archangel as the 'bad guy'. If this is the author's intention, then it is very adriot writing indeed *Smile*

Some comments on grammar and such:

There's a lot of passive voice throughout; more active verbs would make the scene more alive.

************
But when the soul was moved away, it felt as if demons pulled the flesh from his bones.
************

[['pulled' seems much too tame for this scene. I think 'torn' or 'ripped' would give a much more vivid mental image]]

eyes of the insects looked waiting to see if a soul would be put into the body.

[[ comma between 'looked' and 'waiting' ]]

“Wake up my child.”

[[comma between 'up' and 'my']]

"Shut up, serpent."

[[perhaps 'Silence, serpent!' would work better here]]

To close, I've always had a pet peeve about the planet Earth being referred to with a small 'e' -- as in 'earthly'. I feel that 'Earth' is a proper name for our planet, and 'Earthly' when referring to our planet should be capped.

This another good chapter; the tension builds and the reader is compelled to read further.

--Melinda
5
5
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (3.0)
A nicely done intro, that sets up the story to come and raises enough questions to compel the reader to continue. A few comments on grammer and a question or two:

First sentence: Who watches the watchers?
[[should 'watchers' be capped?]]

Jehova -- [[I've always seen this as "Jehovah"]]

“Shall we call upon Michael?” The Watcher’s asked.

[[no ' between the r and s ]]

Michael held the soul of a child in one hand and his radiant sword in the other.

[[what happened to this soul that Michael held?]]

“Must we start this war?” Jesus said.

[[for some reason, this query doesn't work for me. it seems too... well, innocent. Jesus would know how the war started and who started it. maybe something that asks about the unforgiving nature of the war instead?]]

Looking forward to reading the next chapter *Smile*

--Melinda
6
6
Review of Our Guest Book  
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks very much! This a very thoughtful and kind idea.

--Melinda
7
7
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great poem; congrats on your win *Smile*

--Melinda
8
8
Review of Season Tickets  
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great idea and great prizes *Smile*

--Melinda
9
9
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great group *Smile*

I recently drew a character sketch for a Writing.Com member (Silverfyre) and requested a minimum of 100GPs be donated to RAOK Forum as payment.

However, much more was generously given to me by Silverfyre; therefore, I'd like to donate 10,000 GPs from myself and Silverfyre.

--Melinda
10
10
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Enjoyed reading this *Smile*

Would have liked to have learned more about the race and the location (brontosaurus horse?), and it ended a bit abruptly, but all in all a pleasant read *Smile*

--Melinda
11
11
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great poem; liked it a lot *Smile*

only one line kept it from rating a 5.0:

now, my beliefs have, my fate sealed

it reads a bit clumsy to me, and I'm not sure what it means... but that could be just me *Wink*

well done *Smile*

--Melinda
12
12
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (4.5)
heh, it's the same all over. I've worked at Fruit of the Loom Corporate in both Quality Control (they don't call it that anymore, by the way... wonder why?*Wink*) and Marketing... it's all the same, the big guys want more for less (usually meaning more of the workers' hours for way less pay...)

just one typo noticed:

the store is to busy.

should be 'too'.

good work.

--Melinda
13
13
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good work; a few missing commas, but nothing to detract from the story.

I especially liked the line: ' "...But my eyes seem to miss her, see?" With that question she held her hand for someone to see the tear wet skin. ' Very well written *Smile*

--Melinda
14
14
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An amazing body of work, exceptional on many levels.

Good job *Smile*

--Melinda
15
15
Review of The Monster  
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Overall, a well-written vignette.

A few comments on the mechanics:


It's unbearable claws slowly crept in through his chest and gripped tightly to his heart.

'It's' should be 'Its'; 'gripped' implies a tight hold, so I would delete 'tightly to'

twords

towards

He shook his head back and fourth and in a moment of anger, he ran.

Comma after second 'and'; also, you have 'and' twice close together. Might want to rewrite.

grave sight

gravesite

--Melinda
16
16
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (4.0)
I wasn't sure how to answer your Poll, because the God I believe in doesn't require a follower to be 'par' or 'good enough' to by loved by Him (or the Trinity).

I also note you have the word 'forsaken'; I have always believed that we are the ones who forsake God, and not the other way around. To me, if a god foresakes his/her/their followers or believers then that title no applies to the self-proclaimed deity.

If this is a 'make-believe' fantasy-type question, then the question is moot.

If you need the info for a story plotline, then I would ask what was required to meet the standards set forth by this god (or gods). The character would then choose based on the personality already devised by the author.

lol, first time I R/R/R'd a Poll and didn't vote...

So I guess that makes it a rather intriquing Poll *Smile*

--Melinda
17
17
Review of Deserted Island  
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
The question posed by this Poll is rather odd to me, as I'm in effect condemning someone else to spend the rest of their life in exile (or if they outlive me, then a good part of it -- or will they remain on the island by themselves for the rest of their lives?).

Therefore, I wouldn't take anyone with me; and that's why I chose 'Other'.

--Melinda
18
18
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
LOL, I wondered if anyone would be brave enough to ask this in a poll *Smile*

Personally, I'm don't agree with gay 'marriages' because of the definition of 'marriage'; ie, a union of a man and a woman, man and wife.

RANDOM HOUSE DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE: The Unabridged Edition 1973

'Marriage: 1) The social institution under which a man ad woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal committments, religious ceremonies, etc.'


I don't like the meanings of words being changed simply to 'satisfy' a group of people to whom it doesn't apply.

If gays want a union (legal, religious, etc), then call it something else -- 'cause it ain't a 'marriage'

Just My Humble Opinion

Melinda
aka AngelArchiver
19
19
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wonderful collection of artwork. It's rare to find an exceptional writer who is also an exceptional artist *Smile*

Please post more of your art -- whatever the medium *Smile*

msreynolds
20
20
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Mestemeah,

As I don't write poetry (except for the one and only attempt that's in my Port), I never feel qualified to comment on it.

I liked this one, tho', and only found one slightly jarring (or maybe not-quite-right) reference: the 'Why not a knife?' line. Seemed a bit out of place or something.

Other than that, very expressive without going over board.

Good work *Smile*

--Melinda
21
21
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (5.0)
LOL!

Terrific *Smile* Only a rare and exquisite talent could put together such a retinue of lines in archaic form and flavor concerning a mundane (and malodorous) subject

My compliments to the chef *Bigsmile*

--msreynolds
22
22
Review of AntiCrombie  
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Average rant, but then it's meant to strike chords.

As a parent, I never had the 'I have to be cool, Mom' problem simply because I used (and enforced) two things: 1) No. 2) If all that 'cool' stuff is so necessary, then send your clothes to school and stay home.

As I parent, I make the rules, not the kids; I also placed academics over sports. One son is now a manager, and the younger one (still in high school) is in JROTC and will join the National Guard this year.

Stores can't profit if parents refuse to pay the bill.

--msreynolds
AngelArchiver
23
23
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is one of the best articles on R/R/R that I've read.

I especially like the 'nothing's perfect'; I've read countless 'pro' published books (even magazines and newspapers) and have yet to find a 'perfect' one. Most have several errors, but I overlook them because people make mistakes.

I didn't know there were so many different ways to arrive at an 'average'. You're right -- mean averages on Writing.com isn't representative of the majority of opinion. Most readers don't R/R/R at all; a lot of Portfolios have less than 10 ratings, and just one rating of 1 or 2 can send a 4 or 5 rated item down to half of what it was, or less.

I dislike ratings without comments; if the rating is low, tell me why and maybe I can fix it. A string of low ratings w/o a review or even a helpful comment explaining why is just an indication -- to me, at least -- that the rater is trying to downgrade an item (or items) for whatever personal reason. Very childish, if you ask me; esp. when you can't contact the person who left the low rating to find out why.

I think everyone who visits and R/R/R a Member's Portfolio, Folder, or Item, should have their site ID's listed on the Statistics Page. I think that would cut down on a lot of the 'raiders'.

Thanks for a very informed and enjoyable read.

--msreynolds
AngelArchiver

24
24
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (3.5)
actually, none of the above. You need to have a more diverse selection or an "Other" option.

--msreynolds
25
25
Review of Heaven and hell  
Review by AngelArchiver
Rated: E | (3.5)
A bit disjointed and a few clumsy sentences, but overall an interesting concept of two diametrically opposite places.

--msreynolds
AngelArchiver
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