I can feel that love behind this piece, the beauty in find your to, or back to God but I find it feeling stilted by the lines, the pauses feel awkward making me wait to finish a thought and pausing where it feels like I want to just push on.
"my atmosphere bringing the love of Christ frequencies into my realm." I find in this line that I'm unsure if Christ ought to be Christ's in relation to his frequences or if its supposed to generate a universal feel. Either way is quite possible I think, but I find that Christ being singular in front of frequencies feels awkward on my tongue.
Thank you so much for sharing with us and welcome to writing.com, I hope you keep writing and can share with many more of your wonderful thoughts.
This essay shares a lot of facts from each movie and gives a very full picture of the ideas each presents. Your opinion section shows a great path, building your opinions off the facts you had and then changing them as other more compelling facts became available. Its always wonderful to see people taking the time to think.
My rating of a bit below average comes from the grammar in this, over the content. Even in the first sentence we see a word switched.
"In this video, An Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore makes a statement about global warming and what are world would be like if we continue what we are doing now."
To me this simply shows that a reading over after you completed the writing, either by yourself or another. I myself find that having someone else check my work is far better than just me. I tend to read what I intended to write as opposed to what I actually wrote.
I want to thank you for sharing. This is an interesting look into someones discovery of twists and turns in the Global Warming debate. It will certainly benefit from a bit of editing and come out even better than it started. Keep writing!
This is a very clever interpretation of the novel as I've understood it. While I've yet to read the actual novel this seems to me to give the reader a good taste.
Now I gave this poem a 3.0/5.0 because it is certainly an interesting read and is far more polished that anything in the 1's or 2's but it had points where the flow of words is interrupted and/or the syntax becomes awkward.
The first stanza has wonderful flow, even right until the end but the word "'Til" is a bit strange to appear, while the rest of the stanza is made using short but full words this one is shortened and is sort of a slang term. Its not wrong per say, it simply gives attention to itself and makes me wonder why you used it.
Stanza two first becomes a little awkward with the word "citizen" its an abrupt change to a longer and more complex word, personally I couldn't think of a better word to use, but it feels a bit jarring. While rhyme is obviously one of the big stylistic points of this poem, its not always necessary and breaking from the rhyme can sometimes help and open up new word possibilities. The fourth line is also comes off as a bit longer than the others and this feels a tad odd as well. The next line might just be an oddity of my mind but I keep "adding" in own after your when I read it.
The third stanza has has that same second line, awkward word, but having it appearing a second time makes it more of a pattern than an oddity. "proles" might be an issue, I had to look it up, which isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but it seems to be a sort of archaic term, and seems at odds with the rest of the pieces language. Randomly, I think that "who" might grammatically supposed to be "whom."
The only thought I have on the fourth stanza is that you might want a ";" rather than a ":".
This stanza and the one before it break the second line-long word pattern. The third line feels a little strange to read but thats about all I have for now.
This is an interesting poem, and I enjoyed reading, hopefully you don't take my comments and critique offensively.
Host for birds and their nest
-Probably should be nests
Even for her, death is a fate
-I quite like this line, a playful use of the words
I like this piece, it has a playful fancy to it, and even though I do not know the nymph's story from mythology its a nice read and gives off the ideas and makes one curious to learn more.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nightslayer
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.43 seconds at 2:16pm on Apr 19, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
