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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/obligatoryjoke
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12 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Obligatory Joke
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Here's to bringing some traffic to the Horror, Inc. plug page!

You have some nice description here ("his mouth was a crooked trap, filled with jagged shards") that stands out as being perfect for horror creatures. Halfway through I'm seeing more than I'd personally add to a suspense-action scene where the reader is eagerly waiting to see what happens, but I do like short-short fiction myself.

I'm not sure what it is in your description, but I almost immediately get the impression that Martin and Jacob were previously friends. This is before it's explicitly mentioned. So whatever you're doing there, good job--I'd point it out to help you out if I could.

I think your spellcheck might not be catching all the slip-ups, by the way. A sharp read-through could catch some accidental capitalization and other typos. Firefox tells me some weird stuff is spelled correctly or misspelled some days, anyway.
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Review of Off the Cliff  
Review by Obligatory Joke
Rated: E | (4.0)
Rating purely on the idea:

I think it's a good concept, but really pulling off the change from tragic to ironic is going to take some finesse. If you have ideas for it, more of an ironic tone at the beginning might get readers in a good mindset for it.
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Review of Anime Marathon  
Review by Obligatory Joke
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is an idea I haven't seen before, so I thought I'd drop in after seeing you on the Please Review page.

One thing that I think would improve the flow is additional content and a change to the formatting. Right now it's several headers each with 1-2 paragraphs, and it's a style that does't look as clean and as flowing as it could when it's one after the other. Varying the number and length would allow more visual variety and also give you an opportunity to do something like share personal stories, firsts, and favorites in addition to the advice that's already there.

If this is for someone who doesn't do anime marathons often (or never has), there would also be room for more suggestions on choosing based by genre, sub/dub, and other things that might make a difference. You've included some already, but I don't think that someone who knows what all this is would need an article and some of the newbies might be left craving more instruction. You could introduce them to what Japanese snacks like Pocky actually are and make suggestions for where to buy them if they're not normally stocked at the grocery store, or any cool factoids you've picked up when it comes to preparing food at home.
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Review by Obligatory Joke
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I noticed you were looking for reviews, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

1) Image: I get an image of a quirky kind of port city in a typical fantasy world, since you mentioned that the houses were crooked despite it being regarded as beautiful. I wound up imagining it as more whimsical fantasy (not quite Alice in Wonderland, but not Lord of the Rings) whether or not that's what you intended. I'm a pretty visual person, though, and it might escape someone else entirely.

2) Pacing: I followed along until about halfway down the page (just as Luka was sneaking into the castle) before my interest started to run out. You've got some interesting characters who seem like potential underdogs and a tried-and-true recipe for a fantasy adventure, but there's so much content that's not really necessary that it's easy to skim and lose track.

If Luka's relationship to Aziza isn't important, their backstory could easily be saved until later when their interactions become more relevant or cut down to just a line or two. Too much of a good thing without enough weight at that point, really.
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