I really want to like this contest. I really want to feel super tempted to donate a bunch of my GP's to them. From round 1 I was disappointed in the judging because I was disqualified, even after being told I wouldn't be, then I didn't even receive any explanation when I asked for one.
I love free form poetry and having a contest that gives the freedom to enter whatever you want is nice, but I think it is too broad. It's impossible to understand where the judges are coming from and how they possibly make their choices in this contest. I have no clue what the criteria is, and I tend to believe they don't either. I also don't like the fact that the judges are allowed to enter the contest themselves. Even though this contest has the freedom of being prompt-free, or topic-free, I think that makes it too difficult to judge adequately, especially when working with free-form poetry, which has such loose guidelines in the first place. It's very unclear when 2 judges state they are very pleased with my poem in their review, and that my free-form style was executed beautifully and then don't even place in the contest. I almost wonder if the winning entries are pulled out of a hat.
This is a very warm and heartfelt poem and reads like a greeting card.
There are a couple grammatical errors - "surrounds" should be "surround." Also "out look" is one word. I personally feel that the meter is a little off, particularly in the last lines of the first 2 stanzas. I know that you say in the intro that this is free writing, but it doesn't read like free writing, so I thought I should draw attention to that.
Overall it is a warm and sweet message that I am sure many people would enjoy. You might actually consider submitting this to a greeting card company, especially if you really enjoy writing this way and have other pieces like it.
I have read this poem several times. I keep coming back to it because it has a haunting comfort about it. I love the repeating of the line "It keeps us safe from" at the end. I just hear it echoing on and on. It brings to mind a deep cave of solitude, which is the only known safe place around.
What's cool is most of the poem is pretty direct, but then you have these question mark lines at the end of each stanza.
"... screams
for freedom, for distinctiveness,
for hope, and for fear."
and
"It keeps us safe from
what we have become."
Not sure if it was intentional, but these seem paradoxical, which I love, because a paradox is a pathway to understanding. Hope and fear (as in the last line of the first stanza), for instance, although polar opposites, are the same thing when you think about it. So it's interesting you mention them together. And then in the last line, to be kept safe from what we have become? I think that is what makes me keep wanting to read this again. How it all comes full circle.
I love this. I love the comparison to knitting. It makes me think of your mother knitting for you when you were in the womb. It makes me think about the brain as a thing of yarn (and I REALLY love yarn!) knitted with errors or something in the knit. Cool comparison. As a textile person, I can appreciate this.
I understand that often times poetry is just an expression, and isn't necessarily meant to be judged or understood. I gave 4 stars because it felt kind of unfinished, and maybe could have used some more comparisons of brain to yarn. But I know that is quite possibly not even the point of writing this. Poetry just IS, and it is often senseless, backwards and unfinished. That is the beauty of it. Just thought I would throw in some good ol' constructive criticism in there for good measure. :)
Jen
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/openyourize
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.77 seconds at 11:57pm on Apr 19, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
