NOTES/ERRORS:
None, it's well written. Awesome job!
SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
I think the poem is creative and educational. You merged several themes here which makes this poem even more fantastic! Incorporating words for a prompt is never easy and you did so with ease and conviction. Write on!
SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
Short, but effective at telling the reader to seize the moment and do not let opportunities pass. I'm not sure what to rate this as further development is needed such as examples of when someone does not seize the opportunity. Perhaps the narrator of the poem can be an elderly person reflecting back at key moments in life whether good or bad.
Why I chose your piece? It was randomly given to me through Read & Review.
What I think of it? I like it. I'm not sure why the low ratings. I think this poem is magnificent. My favorite line is, "Shadows creep along the sidewalk, like the ghosts of Thanksgiving past." I like this line because it's not only a great hook, it's a good simile setting the atmosphere of the poem.
Any errors or mistakes? None, it's flawless in my opinion, especially with the prompt given.
HelloCurtis THOUGHTS:
The first paragraph is excellent. The first sentence in that paragraph is a great hook. I was hooked. This is where the positives end. The rest of the story needs to be fleshed out better. The second paragraph needs to written like the first paragraph. There are a lot of dialogue in the second paragraph and none are in quotations. You should definitely develop this further as this story has potential to be great. I was hooked. I'm sure a lot of readers will be interested/invested the same way.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
The second paragraph to the end of the story should be rewritten and revised.
Why I chose your piece? It was given to me through Read & Review.
What I think of it? It's written well with many interpretations. My interpretation is that this poem is about enjoying life with consequences. I find this to be truthful because the older we get, the pain and misery sustained from the past, come back to haunt you with vengeance. On your subheading and title indicates love, but I think it's more of life and the misery rather than love. Perhaps the silver lining is love because that's why we, as humans, indulge in extremities.
Any errors or mistakes? None, it's well written. Nice job!
HelloWandering Thoughts THOUGHTS:
A poem in two parts. That was my impression after reading through this. It feels like two poems into one. The first part is about a guy's day-to-day work routine via the hard working man who's single/independent. The second half of the poem focuses more on love's requirement in order for a group or society to strive.
I would recommend splitting this poem into two different poems. The title indicates that this is about unity over division, but the message is not clear until toward the end.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
Did not find any grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors. Nice job!
Why I chose your piece? It was randomly given to me through Read & Review.
What I think of it? I think this poem is really good. My only negative is that it's too short. Even with that, the two stanzas here are enough as they get the point across strong. It could use another 4 stanzas or so to make it even greater.
Any errors or mistakes? I did not see any. Exceptional job!
HelloDr M C Gupta THOUGHTS:
Very intriguing. I think you wrote something very unique here. I like the message. I like the urgency of wanting tomorrow to be here now. This poem is a great reminder to all that bad days are washed away because tomorrow is a clean slate. This poem could apply to any situation for everyone. It's universal. I'm surprised this poem doesn't have a higher review score with sometime of merit badge attached. Nice write!
Hellostar THOUGHTS:
I love it! I wasn't sure if Bailey was a metaphor for something or maybe that's the point. Bailey is whatever the reader makes her out to be. Is she a star? Something cosmic and mysterious? Or is she just a friend? Great play on words to keep the reader guessing here.
NOTES/ERRORS:
None, it is an interesting piece of music information.
SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
I'm a fan of the Beatles. I wouldn't say I'm a huge fan though. I wouldn't go out and buy the mono versions of the albums I already have. With that said, excellent review! You analyzed all albums splendidly! I will definitely consider the songs you said sounded great mono like, "Back in the U.S.S.R" and "Birthday." Revolver is my favorite Beatles album at the moment (It changes for me per 2-3 years). I think I will consider listening to the mono versions of those songs. It's unfortunate that there is no mono for Abbey Road as that was my second favorite Beatles album (use to be my first).
HelloProsperous Snow celebrating THOUGHTS:
Interesting turn of events throughout. I imagine this was your personal story, but I'm going to be neutral and use, "character" instead. The character in this story is facing a number of unfortunate events. At age 50, with health problems in mind, I can't imagine a much more difficult task given with the other immediate problems happening at the same time. I guess the best part is the character persevering through these tragedies and eventually receiving a Master's in 2007 as stated in the subtitle/subheading.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
There are a few on the last paragraph; particularly with words, "drug" in the 3rd paragraph from the bottom. It should be, "dragged" or "removed." The last paragraph, "manger" should probably be, "manager;" unless that was your intention.
Why I chose your piece? It was randomly chosen for me through Read & Review.
What I think of it? I like it. I found it confusing at first, but after another reread, I get it. During the second read through, this poem reminded me of the current NBA Finals where an 8th seed Miami Heat team literally has to play perfect for them to win against a superior team.
My favorite verse/line: To consider one's uniqueness as a potential hindrance." I never thought about a human's uniqueness or qualities could be a hindrance in achieving a goal. I was always taught to be perfect, in the best version you can apply it. I guess there is a pro and con to every positive traits and characteristic, especially achieving a specific goal. Great write!
Any errors or mistakes? It's flawless in terms of grammar errors, misspelt words, and punctuation errors. Superb job!
HelloJoseph THOUGHTS:
I think it's good, but a little too long for a children's book. Funny thing, two generations ago, the length would be fine, but because children these days don't have a high attention span anymore, it's too long. The subject is fine. I love the simple words to help children comprehend fishing.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's grammatically correct. There are some unnecessary spaces when the punctuations occur. Just a note.
Why I chose your piece? It was randomly given to me through, "Read & Review."
What I think of it? I like it, but cannot justify a high rating for it because of simplicity. The writing and approach you have taken here are excellent. I love the usage of repeating verses or lines, "waves, waves, waves." I also like your description of how enjoyable this bath is at the moment, where nothing can interfere. It's like a rush of dopamine and serotonin in one swoop.
Why I chose your piece? You reviewed two of my work so I am returning the favor by reviewing one more item of yours.
What I think of it? I think your prose is wonderful. Your topic of 'aloneness' is strong. You do an excellent job in utilizing the 5 states of human emotions in this poem. Your words were chosen carefully. With that said, you are a talented writer.
Any errors or mistakes? There are spacing issues throughout, but what matters here is the message. The message is strong and precise. Excellent job!
My Thought(s):
I was amused. I laughed. I have a dirty mind apparently because this was well written. You have chosen your words wisely with excellent sentence structure to offset the reader into thinking of something otherwise.
My Favorite Part(s):
"Whoa! What the heck are you doing? Put your clothes back on!" Because this revealed to the reader that it was all a misunderstanding. Time to scrub those brains from dirtiness.
My Suggestion(s):
I think the ending could have been better. The last few line in particular. I think it should have reworked the line, "How about we work up to that" because this was a reoccurring line throughout the story. It would have been funnier if it were used during the last line. Another thing, adding the word, "love" before, "stains" would have been comedy gold. Think about it, the parents here have misunderstood each other regarding the activity they are currently doing. They seem to be conservative based on how one parent wants to clean the house urgently. The "love stain" line would have clued the reader into thinking they do this a lot (both activities) and thus, a cleaning is in-line to cover their tracks. Just a thought.
NOTES/ERRORS:
Well written that there are no errors in your masterpiece. Nice job!
SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
I love this...prose? It questions through a philosophical state the idea of friendship. In your poem, friendship is defined by merits. These merits are determined by moments or events during a stretch of harmony and outrage. Friendship can be ageless and timeless. What is friendship? That is the right question in which the answer lies in infidelity or resilience.
HelloScavenging Words THOUGHTS:
Not bad. It is a bit confusing considering more words need to be added. The part that confused me is who is surrounded by the darkness at the end of the story. Is it the boy or the whale? Or both? Either way, more context clues need to be given to allow the reader to clarify this.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
I did not find any grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors. Nice job!
My Thought(s):
It was interesting. I did not expect that "roleplay" twist at the end there. I expected some type of horror event to take place instead; as that's what Hollywood and the news media has taught me my whole life.
My Favorite Part(s):
The ending because it took me by surprise. When it was revealed that this mystery man was Louisa's husband, I was like, "What? I thought he was a murderer or a ghost even!" Great stuff there!
My Suggestion(s):
For a good piece like this, it's tough to rate fairly because the story doesn't have any real flaws to it, but at the same time, it's not something that screams, "5 stars!" due to the subject matter. I chose a 3 because that's neutral and I think it merits your work adequately here.
Why I chose your piece? It was randomly chosen for me through, "Read & Review."
What I think of it? At first, I thought this was the bailout during the pandemic. I looked closely to see this was written back in 2009 during the Obama administration after the 2008 financial crisis.
With that said, I am neutral on the topic at hand. In general, I dislike bailouts now that I understand that a lot of countries and corporations get money more so than the desperate American people who really need it. It's like the US loves giving countries and science corporations along with organizations/companies lots of money without question. And the American taxpayers have to pay for it. If we are paying for it then why are we giving countries all this aid when they don't pay a dime or give us bailout/funds? Don't know, but I guess that's politics for you regardless of which party is in charge.
Any errors or mistakes? None, it's error free. Excellent job!
Hellok. THOUGHTS:
Sad but an unfortunate truth. My mother has Parkinson's and the struggle is real as your poem reveals. I can only hope that a miracle cure comes real soon, but I must remind myself of the realities. My only optimism is that there are no physical pain that she feels, only emotional ones exhibited from me and my family. Great poem!
NOTES/ERRORS:
I didn't find any grammar, punctuation, nor spelling errors. BIG thumbs up!
SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
I had to reread this twice and it was worth it! This is a good starting draft for a short story or even a chapter in a book. With that said, a few sentences need revisions such as, "His mother had a manipulative approach to Luther, hence his 800-mile trip to the Valley of the Sun this holiday." This sentence threw me off because nowhere in the story is there an example or flashbacks of the mother being manipulative. The first sentence, "Luther had not been home to Phoenix since his father Brad, a proud Navy Seal, threw him out choosing a life of luxury, as his father said in his stern, judgmental words." is wordy and awkwardly stated.
The way some of the sentences are written are awkward, as that of the first sentence, because of how they are structured. I think a more simplified approach is necessary; meaning, break the sentences into smaller ones, use more periods. What would be even better is if you could convert this story into first person narration. This would eliminate any awkward sentences immediately and would give this father/son tension more depth/dynamic. Just a thought there.
HelloSum1 THOUGHTS:
I don't usually see diatelle poems so this was a real treat. It is written well but what fascinated me was the structure. The poem looks like a twister. It is visually appealing. What is even more fascinating is the syllable usage for each verse.
I like the topic you have chosen for this about leaving a small town only to come back to it decades later. It reminds me of the Alice in Chains song, "Don't Follow" even though this song is about someone that went into a downward spiral through substance abuse, but wanting to come back home decades later.
I take this is for a kindergarten age group. With that said, it is very good. There are a few areas where an exclamation point should be used such as Page 3 with, "Come on! Do it with me! Let's go!" On Page 6, "that" should be uppercased. Page 4, there should be a comma instead of a period. Other than that, great work! I love it! The only thing missing is vivid illustrations to bring the entire imagination to fruition.
This is good. The topic is above my brains to thoroughly opinionate. What I liked about this poem is the complex topic, which is a persuasive essay in poetry form. I say this because the poems strength is an argument in the last stanza that really makes the reader think. It is also choosing sides. The argument seems to be labeling or defining the conscious mind or humans. I honestly feel this is a good starting piece but needs more stanzas to elaborate the argument made in the last stanza. It is a good poem as is, but could be great with just a few more argumentative stanzas.
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