This is a nice story! I wasn't expecting the plot twist. I like where you wrote about the uneasy silence and "the only sound in the house was the ticking of a clock somewhere in the background." That's a detail that adds a lot to the atmosphere of your story.
A small suggestion about your grammar near the end. Where you wrote, "Pulled away from the house towards the world outside," it seems like a fragment instead of a sentence, and I had trouble making sense of it at first. You might want to change it to, "I pulled away from the house..."
I found this story to be short and sweet, which was just perfect for the sentiment. I like the imagery that you used, especially in the second paragraph. It reminded me of the many cornfields that I saw when I was growing up. I liked your description of the characters. As a reader, I could imagine them in my head, and I got a good idea of their personalities from the story.
There was a slight typo near the end. I believe “gurnee” should be spelled “gurney.”
Overall, it's a good story that creates an emotional reaction from your readers. Well done!
I like the title. For people who are familiar with the Septa transit system, this is a very eye-catching title. I also think that for people who aren’t familiar with it, they will want to know what Septa means.
I especially like the lines: “Pirates of the public transportation system” and the last two lines of the poem.
This poem has a fun adventurous feel to it. I like the sentence fragments and quotes. Even though they are fragments, they flow together nicely.
Overall, a nice poem that made me smile. Good job!
This story is very well written. It offers a different perspective, and it gives the reader much to think about.
I like that it's not about war; it's about family. It's not "Iraq vs. America." This story has a human side to it, and I think it helps readers relate to the story by understanding the characters and what movitates them.
This story has a lot of potential to be developed into a longer story. I like the idea of clones that become predators, and I like the theme that science went to far without thinking of the consequences.
This is my favorite sentence: "We’re back to Stone Age living but with Computer Age workers." I think it conveys the general idea of the story very well.
Some suggestions: What does the cave look like? It holds a lot of people, so it must be very big. But the predators haven't found it, so it must be hidden well. A more lengthy description of the cave would be nice.
What I love most in this story is that I can feel the emotion of the characters. I think you did a really good job describing the characters by using their actions and words, instead of plainly writing about their characteristics. Good job!
Another thing that I love about this story is your descriptions. When you describe Grandma's house, I can really picture myself there looking around. I also really like the phrase "moving the food around and around in a circle like he was looking for a trap door to appear and take it away."
And of course, the ending was very good. I didn't see it coming.
Suggestions: Other than one punctuation correction (a missing quotation mark at the beginning of "If he likes it, that’s fine. It’s his choice.”)
, I don't have any suggestions. I loved it!
Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more of your work.
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