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28 Public Reviews Given
28 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Un-PUN-ctilious  
Review by prohtpiz
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Wow. These don't even qualify as "dad level" jokes. Truly a cringeworthy and ridiculous entry. But it didn't ruin the readability, and I think that's important, that even if you're trying to make it ridiculous and "intentionally bad", that it shouldn't be actually impossible to force yourself to read it. Though if I were to give it a criticism, it would be better to flood it with puns that weren't quite so weak and arcane in the connection to the topic at hand, than a smaller number of puns that only kind of work. It's a different direction than I took the challenge to mean. Take a look at my story too, if you dare.
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Review of Crazy Faith  
Review by prohtpiz
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
You say I should be relentless in speaking my beliefs and fighting evil (which you call Satan)? Well ok. I'll tell you what I really think on the matter. I'll do my best to strike down the greatest evil the human race has ever faced. Obviously I won't succeed. Not right now, and not me personally, at least.

I'll start by saying a few what ifs of my own. Like what if there actually is a god, but because faith is a synonym for gullibility, and god doesn't want a bunch of stupid suckers hanging around heaven and only wants to keep the life forms that used the brains he gave them and applied basic logic and didn't believe a bunch of things without evidence (on faith), so what if only those who don't believe will be saved because that is how you pass the test and you are currently failing it? What if god doesn't like evil cults and hate groups defined by the core belief that everyone who doesn't join the cult and think what the cult tells them to think, deserves to be tortured forever and ever and ever? I don't like hate groups and evil cults. God is probably at least as smart and logical as me, so I'd expect he'd not like them too much either. And what if both beings "god" and "the devil" actually do exist, BUT, their roles are actually reversed from what you think, and you've been reading the holy book written by the bad one, and you only think you're following the good one because the holy book of the evil one does exactly what you'd expect of a holy book written by the evil one in that it says it is the book written by the good one and successfully deceives billions of people into a path of evil which they think is the path of good? What if? Each of these are just as likely as your way. Probably a good bit more. After all, if your way was right, why did god create a universe that looks exactly like a universe where he was absent? It seems to me that if he wanted to save the maximum number of people, that is what he'd do if only the nonbelievers were to be saved, make a universe that looks like a godless one. If the believers were the ones who were saved, there would be ample evidence for god all over the place, he'd be appearing in the sky to say "hey, how's it going?" all the time, there would be miracles every day, there would be magic, the laws of physics would not work on their own accord and they'd NEED a god to sit there on the sidelines and keep everything from falling apart. Instead, every time we don't have the answer to why something is the way it is, and we FIND that answer, that answer never requires a god to be part of it. How do snowflakes form? Do tiny snowflake goblins carve them? Nope. Just water molecules bumping around at random, no gods needed in that explanation. How does gravity work? What causes the wind? Does god sit at the edge of the world, blowing? Nope. No god needed. And I'm supposed to be tortured forever, and that's the RIGHT thing to do, because I see this, because I can use my brain? Such a NICE god you believe in. To hell with your evil cult, your hate group.

And make no mistake about it. To those who are not in your echo chamber, your faith IS crazy. Absolutely insane. Like believing that you'll become a billionaire if you hit yourself over the head with a hammer level of crazy. Like flying an airplane into a building because you think you'll get 72 virgins for doing god's work level of crazy. If you're worried about what other people think about you for having those wacky beliefs, that's what they're thinking. If you're worried that I see you as one of those CRAZY Christians who goes too FAR with your beliefs, know that I don't make a distinction, any bit is far enough to be crazy. Just wanted you to be clear on that. You want to know how cray cray I think it is? Just think of how you see other religions. You want to know how worried I am about being tortured by your boogeyman when I die as punishment for not joining your cult? Ask yourself how many sleepless nights you've been up, worrying over the possibility that the Muslims have it right and you're going to end up in Muslim hell. I'm thinking you've never worried about that, not for one instant. On pure ethics alone, I find not joining your religion to be choosing good over evil, and I consider you attempting to convert others, to be an ACT of evil, because I see your religion as a mind virus, and a hate-group (what is hate, if not believing everyone else outside your group literally deserves to be tortured forever? What word for that is there, but hate?) indistinguishable to Islam, and I will mock it for all my days and help send it to oblivion, which is what will eventually happen to it in a few more generations, though sadly I will not live to see that day (I'd have to literally outlive every Christian alive to do that, after all, not many are going to be convinced by logic, the religion will mostly die as a result of its followers not passing it on to the next generation at some point). But it's downfall has already begun. Like many other religions before it. In a few hundred years, it will be as dead as the worship of Zeus or Thor and if anyone was caught practicing it, they would be lovingly given psychiatric treatment to rid them of their insidious disease. And have no doubt, even if your religion actually WAS right, there would still come a day when no one follows it. Once a religion runs out of followers, it's a dead religion. Maybe the ancient Egyptians had it right, yet no one believes in Bastet and Ra and Horus any more, and now even though it was true, no one follows the one correct religion. But even being the one true faith wouldn't save it from eventual destruction. When the followers die without successors, it will die, and be forgotten. In a million years, people would be like "Christianity? What's that?" if you asked them. Of course they'd not be speaking English either. So they'd say "Christianity? Bleep blorp?" or something instead.

I hope I was relentless enough. Gee, these attestments of faith on this site. Why don't you write a story instead. Make something new.
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Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by prohtpiz
Rated: E | (1.0)
Eh, well, if you think I'm going to pay you 10 dollars every 3 months until the end of time (there isn't even a lifetime hosting plan, what a joke) for you to host 12 tiny text files on your website instead of 10, using less than one hundred-thousandth the storage space as what google gives for free in any given gmail account, you've got another thing coming. You SURE are stingy, I'll tell you that. I could host as mannnnny things as I want on deviantart if I wanted, and the things I write there don't get like 10 views ever, everything here gets 1/100 the traffic, and it seems you drastically overvalue the value of your site and service. I'll save my writing on my hard drive and you can do what you WANT with it when you're done with the trial membership one of you gave me, but it seems to ME that you are shooting yourselves in the foot by deleting content that might actually drive people to your obscure website, you should be begging for people to put up their stories on your site and at very most it should be a size limit, not a number of static item limit, for crying out loud one of them is a haiku, there's not much shorter than that.
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Review by prohtpiz
Rated: E | (3.0)
Eh. This is dwelling on such a specific thing. The feminazis are not going to be sold on this one iota. Not that they'd be sold by anything. But what you really need to do to make your point is to stop obsessing about the NBA, and to show an example that no one objects to where the beneficiary is a woman, which is exactly the same sort of thing they are complaining about. Show them what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot. For instance, the author of the Harry Potter books. She's made a billion dollars off of her little franchise. So if there was some need for equity (and that's what we're talking about here, equity, not equality, there's a difference - equity is equality of outcome, equality is fair treatment and equality of opportunities) then she should be forced to donate her vast fortune to all the writers who weren't so successful, since they worked just as hard as she did. And here's a good one. The privileged and whiny Emma Watson, who played Hermione in the movies. She has the GAUL to make long speeches (where she is trying to fake being on the verge of tears the whole time) to complain about women being treated fairly while she got paid tens of millions of dollars to play a part in something that turned out to be a big commercial success - through no virtue of her own. And is she donating her massive bankroll to the homeless men of the world who gave it their all and failed and whose hopes and dreams didn't ride the wave of good fortune in the name of gender equity? Of course not. I think that's how you hit them. Where it hurts. Show them what they have to give up for them to not be flaming hypocrites if they want to stand by their words. The free-market system is not a beautiful thing of equity. We have accepted that there will be no equity in the very establishment of the capitalist system. If you don't like that, then try again to be a success, maybe you'll get LUCKIER next time (and yes, we must accept the fact that a lot of success comes down to luck, not even skill) or go to live in North Korea or something. But that's the thing that these types do. They look to Donald Trump and use THAT as their standard template of success that men get and say "it's only fair if we get that level of favor by our society, since men get it", and they need to have their noses rubbed in the fact that they are cherrypicking their standard they feel entitled to from the best of men, forgetting the worst men get, and conveniently forgetting all the super-favored women who have seen far more than their fair share of success for the amount of work they have done.

But this that you have done, is just a one-prong attack. Again, not that they'd listen if you did a better job of it. In one ear, out the other. They have already decided they are ethically superior to you and that you have nothing of value because your side is evil and corrupt so they will plug their ears. That's the way it is with feminists. Half of them want a final solution for men. The other half, they think they're ethically superior, and they're the ones who are saying things like teach men not to rape. Their very identity hinges on you being a caveman, being ethically inferior, of course they're not going to consider for an instant that you might have something valid to say. They're religious zealots, and you don't beat religion with logic.
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Review of No Such Luck  
Review by prohtpiz
Rated: E | (4.5)
Though I can't say I didn't see that ending coming a mile away, and the height requirement was very cringeworthy (because you just can't just disqualify contestants because of their height and who can say what the height requirements of a leprechaun are - you might enjoy Neil Gaiman's book American Gods, in it there's a 7 foot tall leprechaun, that was one of the silliest parts of the book) but the premise of the thing was perfect and the execution was still well done.
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Review of The UPS Blues  
Review by prohtpiz
Rated: E | (4.0)
Oh, I have had may share of kerfuffles with UPS all right. But I feel like it should mention how all UPS couriers are ninjas.

I'm in my living room. I hear a rustle, and a whisper saying "The silent ninja knocks incredibly lightly, quickly leaves an infonotice and slips into the night". I open my door, and there is a UPS infonotice, attached to my door with a ninja star, "damnit, and it's the third time, now I have to go to UPS headquarters or else it's returned to the sender!" I yell in anger. Not quite. But practically.
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Review of Good Or Evil?  
Review by prohtpiz
Rated: E | (3.0)
I feel like this should address the question of what good and evil even are. It ignores that issue entirely. What makes something evil, what makes something good, what are the criteria for discriminating this. Is showing love toward strangers what is good? Why is that? Shouldn't one show love more toward those who have earned it through familiarity? Isn't it evil to misallocate one's love away from those who have earned it? If I did something selfish, would that be evil? If so, wouldn't that be saying that I am inherently worth less than others? To even attack the question of good or evil, one must know what good and evil even are and you haven't considered that here. In fact, I think that is the most important, fundamental prerequisite to answering the question.
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Review by prohtpiz
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
The problem is, I already have a different word for what you call "god". That word is "universe". I already call the universe the universe, and if that's all god is, then what point is there to calling it god? Are you making some sort of claim, like that the universe is some conscious entity, like a giant brain, and that the stuff which is in it are like brain cells? Considering most of it doesn't seem to in communication with itself, what with all the galaxies slipping off into the distance at greater and greater speed, that's at least an actual claim, but I don't think it's likely, my brain works the way it does because the neurons are actually connected to each other, not expanding away from each other in a big explosion that further prevents them from communicating with each other with each passing second. If god isn't something special, some all-powerful or all-knowing being, it's a pretty useless distinction to call it god, isn't it? Suppose I worshiped some rock, and I called it god. And I didn't believe it had any supernatural powers, that it could do anything, that it did knew anything of its own accord. And if I were to ask someone else if he believes in god and he said "no", and I were to say "oh, THIS is god" and I point to the rock. And he would be like "yeah, I believe in that rock. I believe it EXISTS." Wouldn't you say that is a useless god, and a useless distinction of calling it as such? Or maybe I could call Morgan Freeman god. Not to believe he's immortal, or has any powers, or special knowledge he couldn't have. But just call him god. Well, people would agree that he EXISTS. But so what. This is why I have a bit more respect for the Christian fundamentalists than the new age people who say they're "spiritual" and try to define god into existence by HIJACKING THE WORD and playing a semantic game and defining it as everything, or anything it isn't. At least the fundamentalists have the guts to make an actual meaningful claim, which actually stands to be right or wrong, for it to even matter if it's right or wrong, even if it can't actually be proved one way or the other. And that's what a god should be. A god SHOULD be some guy on a puffy cloud with a big scraggly beard who throws lightning bolts down at us mortals. That's an actual claim, and that's why it would have meaning as a statement about reality. If you're not making such a claim, you're not making ANY claim. You might as well replace the word god with leprechaun. And then when someone asks you if you believe in leprechauns, you say "yes, because everything is the leprechaun. The leprechaun is everywhere. I'm the leprechaun, you're the leprechaun, that mountain over there, that stream, the sun, it's all the leprechaun. I don't believe in little men dressed in green with pots of gold at the end of a rainbow, that's crazy, but of COURSE I believe in leprechauns, how can anyone deny that the leprechaun exists when it's all around us, when we are all the leprechaun?" It's hijacking the dictionary is all it is. Hijacking a definition of a word. It's just a bait and switch. It's trying to add an additional meaning to "the universe" by associating it with this word which has history as meaning something else, even though the universe hasn't done anything to earn that added meaning, and half the motivation behind it is avoiding a DIFFERENT word to describe your position, your worldview, which due to a long-standing cultural taboo behind it, which you've been duped into being influenced by, you refuse to call yourself, because you're AFRAID of it, because you ascribe power to words that that they don't have. Well I'm sorry but that's stupid. Also, you're an atheist. Welcome to the club.
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Review of The Big Bang  
Review by prohtpiz
Rated: E | (5.0)
Actually I liked that one. Quite solid all around. I see you edited it today, a few minutes ago, when you sent me the link to it. In response to my other review and in anticipation of me reading it?

Kind of reminds me of Rudy Rucker's stuff. One of the more inane things he wrote, Master of Space and Time, had one of the main characters going back and setting in motion the creation of the universe too.
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