mispelled words: 'accross' should be 'across', 'constition' should be 'constitution.', 'powerfull' should be 'powerful'
pretty good as far as apoclyptic fiction or prophecy goes. I'd like to have been at that seance and the priests' parties. Angels as villains are devils and demons in my opinion though the contrast could be developed into something of a twist on heavenly goings-on.
awkward construction of sentences towards end of first paragraph
reads like a wordy Victorian story by Helena Blavatsky only without all the real life paranormal.
Misspelled words: 'though' should be 'through', around 8th paragraph
'them' should be 'their' around 4th paragraph
'“Okay, playtime’s over.” That voice, I thought again, still in a paroxysm of rage'
Unclear modifier: Is it the 'voice' raging or the ' I ' raging? Add a line or split into two sentences.
The form of a long letter is interesting and creative. It strains somewhat the verisimilitude by including dialogue. Overall good art and well done.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/quark_quasar
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 6:34am on Apr 25, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
