A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having three Chickadees involved in some kind of a show where one of them is having some health problems with her hip, and has to be replaced for a short while and decides to have one young Chickadee to replace her since the young one needs more practice and that she got talent, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.
How well the story is written
1. I liked the way you showed the discussion of the three Chickadees, showing how much they loved and cared about each other, and how the theater life is challenging, filled with adventure, and the fact that they need to be careful so that nobody gets hurt.
2. I liked the way you showed the old chickadee knowing that she is going to be replaced some day and that she is old now, and only remembers the foolishness of her young self.
3. I liked the way you showed the care of the three chickadees to each other, giving some medical advice to the old chickadee and trying to help her with her bad hip.
4. I think it would be better to mention how the old chickadee got hurt in the first place, and give more details about her first visit to the doctor and more about that emergency room.
If it is easy to be understood for the readers
1. Outline it
2 . Organize it (I think it would be better to show more about the old chickadee’s youth, moves and dance, describe her life when she was young could be in flashbacks, and show how now that she is old and the differences in her fitness and flexibility all affecting her show and health which for sure affecting her other two friends and partners.)
Rating
I think the rating fits the content perfectly.
Plot
1. I liked the way you showed the chickadee was carrying the old one after the show, since probably she was unable to move on her own after the last high kick in the show on stage, which made the chickadee be carried after the show to dressing room, and having a conversation about her youth, and how that she is old she can’t perform with the same quality and that she soon will be replaced, and that she doesn’t have enough time left.
2. I think it would be better to show the start of the show business for them, and how they were picked and by who? Show more about their lives as performers and the injuries that they went through, how dangerous is that job for them?
3. Show how old is the old chickadee and show the age differences between the chickadees.
Characterization
1. I liked the way you showed the characters caring and loving each other and not accepting the loss of a close friend not even the idea of it and shocked to hear it.
2. I liked the way you showed the old chickadee and how she was persistent, trying to do her best ignoring her age, fitness, flexibility and health, devoted to the show and her fans, not disappointing her friends yet trying to make them accept the idea that she might be gone forever and that they might need to find another replacement for the show. .
Dialogue
I liked the way you showed the dialogues but I think it would be better to show more reactions, facial expressions, movements of the characters describing their faces, wings, and how they reacted to the words coming out of the old chickadee’s mouth.
Thoughts of the characters
I think it would be better to show the thoughts of the characters, showing their past, the moves from the show, thinking of the emergency room, and how not to replace the old one?
Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.
Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.
Thank you
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