Brilliant...Thats the word that popped into my brain and immense possibility of something humongous. It can be turned into a Fiction de Noir , an adventure whatever you wish it to be. Keep the good work.
Please offer you valuable inputs on my piece Maiming The Rose #1731464
I love the presentation and the choice of words...brings out the bitterness accumulated over years. I really liked the fact that the words dint rhyme silly. I believe you can re-arrange the pattern though making it more impactful.
For e.g you can put Go to the ant, you sluggard! and How long will you slumber, O' sluggard? at the middle of the page and the words in between on teh extreme left
A well written piece... throws a lot of perspective ... you might would want to replace "Positive Selfishness" with something better...like self-interest or preservation so as to avoid repeating the term over and over again. A reader has very short attention span. You would make a difference by using brevity in your sentence structure. for e.g
"So, when thinking about oneself benefits others it is called positive selfishness,on the other hand when thinking about oneself proves harmful for others it is negative selfishness."
This sentence can be written as When one things for himself and one's thinking simultaneously benefits others, its positive in nature. However when the same thinking cause others harm, its negative.
I find Chinua Achebe's fragrance in your writing...The ethnic taste is very remarkable...the diction pronounced and character sketch fluid. well done. Why did men wrestle to graduate into higher age grades? indeed why muscle power to attain superiority
maybe thats why...its just a reflection... maybe worries are soemthing that needs to be individual and not shared...wonder imagery... i love the rhythm.
I rate the idea... because l it has immense possibility... I have a few ideas i love to share with you because i know how it feels when you have an idea germinating and dont know how to illustrate. That itch can be very painful at times. However its your baby,discard whatever you feel like.
1. It always pays if you keep the title subtle to keep the readers element of surprise. "Omnicide" sounds very straightforward, you can try..." When Angels Bleed" or "It Rained Death"
2. Its difficult to write about a psychological warfare inside human brain. So the best tactic would be to show the acts as rather normal for the individual in question. For e.g if he kills someone, If the novel is in first person,show it as if it was as mundane as cutting potatoes would be.
3. Keep the names simple like Simon or Esteban. An individual with a simple name who does things not so simple always creates ripples...
4. Please try to avoid a romantic angle. A guy like him is like a monk, as ascetic, who devotes his better senses only to a cause or a mission, if you bring in the element of emotion it would take off the edge of ruthlessness.
.Its very flesh and blood... you bring out the dilemma of the character really well...The constant song in the background is like an epiphany... that constantly brings back the character to reality. The constant struggle...the duality... the psychic trauma apart from the physical pain is well portrayed in the diction.
This is the beginning of a good novel...you can bring in almost a kaleidoscopic effect with this start...i would love to see something spectacular moulded out of it
The cycle of birth so well shown.....
A small poem so subtly adorn....
makes us wonder how life would have simple....
if ages were worn with grace and wrinkle....
To bask in the beauty of a lovers smile...
And loving his child devoid of vile
A truly inspiring poem. Technically the poem is stupendous. It touches the soul with its picaresque quality, the sense of isolation and fear triumphed by being adorned by a life-saver.
I loved the easy flow in the diction. But i am sorry it wasn't creepy.... I think what it lacked was the element of surprise and vividness of illusion. You need to concentrate on the edge of narration...a little graphics... dont make it conversational...rather bring in the mystic...enjoy!
wonderful philosophy...true life is always half full...never empty or fully satisfied.
"with a lifetime of experience poised at the rim awaiting to overflow" I love the way you pour out your philosophies in a very artistic manner. The thought process is very rational and organised though at first it gives a random feel.
The thing that caught my attention was the use of appropriate vocabulary at the right places. Not to show -off your skill ( which you have on any account) but simply to add beauty to the text. This is a balanced writing. One that does not hold an upper hand of the writer. You let the characters do their own thing. While offered your insights wisely.
Also you bring out the child-parent understanding and psychology very very smartly. True how many times do people underestimate their own kids only to be put to place by this little ones. And how shockingly repugnant do elders behave at times. To cajole and blackmail their own kids! Incentive is good only when it is paid duely.
"He always had doubt in my wisdom however, having no concrete proof that I ever went to school." Neat humor that truely brings out a child's imagination and portrail.
I feel you should make an attempt to publish this story for general good, because this is not a make-belief incident. This is truth. And it is high time to let people know that " Daddy is not always right"
I really liked the lucid way of explaining things.Keep op teh good word.
A few observations however:
It always adds a feather to your cap if you make the readers "read between the lines". Adds texture to your story. For example instead of introducing the protagonist as a vampire in plain words...you can rephrase your words in a clever way and make them understand that he/she is "not from this world" I like her name though Scarlet Crimson ( both shades of blood red).
Forgive me but i couldnt stop noticing how your thought process is borrowing concepts from a very popular source. (Specially the nightmare! oddly familiar to the "birth" of certain half-human child in a very popular book). Its ok to borrow thoughts. everybody does but you need to mould it randomly and bear it your stamp.
Lets begin with the title. Its wonderful. Subtle play between lunacy(madness) and Lunacy(related to luna or moon, werewolf phenomena)The overall story is very capivating.You may would like to assign few distictive characters in teh wolves..Like maybe they dont change to beasts totally or change in bits and pieces every lunar phase.But the story progression is excellent. And i like the whiff of a next chapter. Keep of the good work
A very beautiful experience... true how the gift of poetic ambivalence can uphold even the tiniest of experiences into gargantuan proportions ... what captures the poem is the way the imagery is made lively almost as if the old man is going to come out of the piece and play for us. Reminded me William Wilfred Campbell's creation "Pan the Fallen".
Gosh! Really chilling. Your's is the first short story i am reviewing and had been a pleasurable experience. There are only two things i may suggest here to make it more "goose bumpy"...Change the "expose her panties" part to panty-lines and you might would like to start from discovering the body first and then write the details of the murder in italics to review or muse it from the creatures point of view.
what an experience...such colorful imagery...a great presentation in line with metaphysical poetry of which John Donne is a unraveled champion. I must congratulate you on your success in portraying such a difficult style of poetry . Metaphysical poetry is about accolading that one special moment of life. And you have achieved it completely. Bravo!
very small and heart touching...." isthmus of nowhere" is very delightful concept... we normally compare the concept of nowhere with island...remote and distant...so i am not sure "isthmus" portrays the concept appropriately. And if i were you i would replace "wisp" which literally means a small bunch or bundle, as of straw, hair, or grass with whispers . I am not sure i get "distill your essence". Please let me know.
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