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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rixfarmgirl
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491 Public Reviews Given
644 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Who knew how much fun this could be! It is, indeed, perfectly whimsical and certainly Mayhem! Another great entertainment game to occupy aging minds like mine. Happy Birthday, Writing.com! This activity is short and sweet and too much fun to pass up. Can't wait until I can post again. Rixy
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
brillant piece. well done. good dialect. goog examples of each culture. would write more but am trying out my kindle and its three g network rixy
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Review of Land of the Dogs  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your dogs must have come from an Enchanted land. Mine fight over the food and spend all day guarding it from the other animals and each other. I think it will make a very addition to your novel, All Road Lead to Deacon, MS.

Good job. Keep up the good work and writing. Hope you are feeling better and better each day. Rixy
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Review of Nightwalkers  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very good job! I was able to follow the feelings you conveyed quite well. It has flow and intensity. I can see why you've had this one published. Good work. keep pushing yourself and use this as a good model. Thanks for enlightening my night.
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Review of Kiss Me Goodbye  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like your poem very much. It is a good story and has rhyme which helps it's flow. I see a bit of alliteration such as she struggles and her hello. Keep up the writing and entering contests. That will make you stronger.
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Review of Never Alone  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
The sentiments are heartfelt and very sincere. However, poetry has several main components that I would expect to find in a piece. Those are rhythm, rhyme, images, or poetic devices. I think your poem should contain at least two of these. You might take a look at this and re-do it. Try to keep the same number of syllables per line and add a bit of rhyme. Go to www.rhymezone.com for great help here.

Example of fixing the syllables per line:
You will never be alone (6)
On Him you always call. (6)
He never turns away (6)
And never lets you fall. (6)

I think you have a great opportunity to turn this into a wonderful poem.
Rixy
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I can't say I have much experience with music lyrics. People say they are just poems; I doubt that. Poetry has rhythm which is different depending upon the music. So, having said that. It is certainly country and I really like the chorus. I can kinda make up a tune to go with it. Hope you get to feeling well soon. You might need to change the rating because of last word, third stanza, third line.
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
Rated: E | (4.5)
I loved this piece and the simplicity of it. What a great way to think of your writing. I am afraid it's rather a chore for me...unless I am on a roll and I'm usually not. The sentiments you expressed in this piece almost brought tears to my eyes....almost, but didn't want the mascara to run. *Laugh*

You might want to break some of the big paragraphs into smaller ones just to balance the look of the piece out.

Keep writing and being the Sweetheart I have come to know and love,
Rixy
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Review of Phoebe & Frank  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Okay, this is seriously funny. If you put the two static items together starting with the real time story, you would have one heck of a great read. The changing thoughts with matching dialogues but differing thoughts is just magnificent. Clean it up. You might try www.longstoryshort.com when you finish and polish them up.
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Histerical and I wish I had thought to write something like this about my first husband. I sure considered MANY time what I would do if he had a heart attack.....call for help immediately or just go to the store and work and while he died. Then "find" him when I went home at 9 that night. Oh, well. There are a piece or two of redundancy you could clean up, but what a priceless piece. Can't wait to read Frank's story. I love comparing of POV and the effect it has on meaning, subtext, and life. Thanks for making my day!
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a fun, quirky read. I loved some of your phrases, primarily: "She’s hot, in an oddball way"; "a non-creepy way to ask another store monkey"; "Spilled lattes spread across the floor of the store's symbiotic Starbucks like foamy tentacles"; and "I lashed out with the POWER OF FIST, right to his stupid face."

You entertained me and that's what we all look for in our writing or at least I do. I think you have the vernacular of a late teen knocked out in this piece. As a former writing teacher, I should probably say SHOW DON"T TELL ME how Rain is hot in a an oddball way and that I would have liked to know why else we don't like Howard. I have always asked other writers, why should I draw a story out and put in so much detail with I just wanted to write a micro-fiction. In fact, part of the appeal of this piece is that it doesn't have all the glowing imagery. I think that while you might have improved it a bit in this manner, you remained true to the voice of the piece.

Keep writing. I will keep reading.
Rixy
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Not my favorite, but certainly entertaining. For spoken words you need a comma inside the quotation marks separating the spoken words from unspoken: "Get in," he brusquely......
and "One for Victoria Terminus,"

Wish I had a dollar for every time I have been to Victoria station. We had a bomb scare one afternoon and had to walk all the way to the next stop to get on. Londoners just take that in stride. I was wanting to make a mad dash for it. We also had one late one night as we set in there drinking tea. Thought we'd have to get a taxi all the way back to our hotel. But, it was over soon. I love London and love visiting there. Rixy
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Review of Into the Light  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Perfect! good emotions and descriptions were present and I raced to read to the end to see what it held in store for me.
The exact 55-word story that I enjoy reading and writing.....one with a twist at the end. You hid your ending all the way through and I had to read it again to savor the feel of your words. Good Job!
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Review of Golden  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Controversial? Maybe to some. A good read? Absolutely. Emotional? Totally. Interesting? You Bet! Dialogue? Done exceedingly well. What else to say? 5.0 Keep writing? For sure.
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good images, this follows Lanturne form exactly. I think I really like this form. As do all the poems I have read of yours, this speaks TRUTH. An exact replication in words and feelings that we teachers have all felt on our first day of school in any new school we began teaching in. I like your centering of the poem. Keep writing. Rixy.
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Review of Awaiting Wisdom  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can relate to this poem! I faced my lovelies for 38 years and would love to still be doing so. But, for everything there is a season. No truer words were ever spoken in line three when coupled with the last line. I did indeed learn as much as I gave. I can tell from your writings that you were a good teacher. I firmly believe teachers are born and not made. I think anyone who has ever been in a class room can relate to this poem. While it does not have the eye-appeal many of your poems have (Sensory Overload, for instance), this one has truth and wisdom.

I have seen that you are a very prolific writer and have tried many genres. I believe you have learned to cope and love life through writing and what more can we all hope for?

Good read.
Rixy
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Review of My Hope For You  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Once again you have drawn me to a poem. First, by the title. (I raised three sons); secondly, your poem's form; and thirdly, by the angelic picture you included. Your words are so perfect and so true. I love your last line:
" life's about the run, not about the race." I believe our society has gotten too tied up in the the race and beating others. Why can we not be satisfied with loving the run, taking the time to enjoy simply as well as complex ideas, and just love one another. While your son's picture is pretty angelic, I can't help but see a bit of mischievousness behind those beautiful eyes.

This poem is a great legacy to pass on.
Keep writing.
Rixy
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Review of American Marines  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like your layout. I think the overall look of a poem is just as important as the title. I a drawn to poetry visually. This poem certainly is enhanced with the adjectives/nouns that are red and blue. Your rhythm and flow is impeccable. Your rhyme is good and not sing-songy. Having taught high school students for 38 years, I can tell you that many of the trouble-makers, those who were troubled and those who were apathetic in the classroom returned in a matter of a year or two to show us all what fine young men they had become. I was so proud of them. Now, my grandson is in the Army Special Ops training and I couldn't be prouder. Thank you for writing this piece and showing us who our military young men and women are.

Good job! Rixy
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a wonderful poem--I garden all spring and summer. I have 8 acres to use if I want. I thought the poem was going somewhere else, but loved the last verse that brought it all together. You chose flowers that were common enough to bring their images to the readers mind. Each verse is either a simile or metaphor--great poetic devices. Your choice of descriptive words told me that you were a thinking poet.....Not one who dashes off whatever is in the mind.

Favorite lines:
Clad in the deepest velvety purple

One lone daisy
in a field full of Shasta (Are Shasta's not daisies, however?

Standing as a banner of color

Suggestions for improvement: bold your colored letters or choose a color a bit easider for the older readers to be able to see well.

Good Job.
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Review of No EEEE's  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this very much. I can always find things in port I can relate to. I was drawn immediately to this because this is an exercise I had my creative writing class do every year. With with on E's and later, one with no A's. They always thought the A's were the hardest.

What I liked about your poem is that it was new and refreshing. My kiddo's never thought to write a poem with no e's and neither did I. They would have like it much better had I given them this option.

Reads smoothly, lament is funny. My favorite lines:
You did it!
Look at it !
You whiny chat chic!

Love the chat chic. Maybe it is an old "name", but It's the first time I have seen it.

You put a smile on my face this morning and it is not even 5:43 a.m. here.
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fun and interesting HOME! Really liked this! The pictures are great. Can't wait to get inside them. You should really get this folder fixed because no one will be able to find your writings. I could at first, even with your directions.....but then I am old!
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this to be a lovely item to read through. I think your name and goals are beautiful and so worthwhile. Thank you for bringing Kansaspoet to mind, especially at this wonderful time of the year. Your artwork so pretty and lushes to move through. I only wish that your type was a bit larger as many of us don't have the vision to truly enjoy all your words.
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Review of Seasons  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Story = 4 Mechanics = 3 for a total of 3.5

I have enclosed a colored marked copy of your story for you with suggested changes. I was impressed since you said you were still in high school with several items: Most of your punctuation was good, your story moved along and didn't stand still too much, you had a good ending, and I thought you erotica well done. When I was your age I could not have pulled that off....come to think of it, I doubt that I could do that now. *Blush*

Some things to watch for:

1. A comma is used to set off people who are spoken to. This was you main mistake.
2. New paragraphs are started every time a new speaker is up. You did this pretty well, just missed it a time or two.
3. Redundancies were apparent throughout. However, that is my biggest downfall, so it is something I really watch for. Don't feel too badly, I think every writer struggles with this. It just takes practice trying to locate and fix them.

I think you could really improve your writing by taking the Sunrise class at New Horizon's Writing Academy right here on wdc. It is a very good class and helped me tremendously with writer's common mistakes we are not always aware of making unless we are taught differently. The classes are 2000 gps each and if you don't have the pgs, ask for a scholarship. I you don't get one, let me know. I will give it to you. I have that much faith in your abilities!
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1535164 by Not Available.
. Sign up is starting soon.

Don't forget to see your attachment for specific fixes. It will be in an email that I send you. Hope this helps, Rixy
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Review by Rixfarmgirl
Rated: E | (5.0)
It was a great experience. Now that I know more about it, maybe next year I can earn more supporters. Thanks for keeping up with all of this and affording an easy way to earn gps. Maybe more should go to the various organizations and less to the top 3 teams or spread the gps out over the top five teams. Either way you do it, will be great. If it isn't broken and you had great success, don't fix it. Non producers should be punished in some way for signing up and not participating. If you start the averaging thing, some will spend more time trying to beat the system than writing. There are always party poopers and those who begin early as I noted some did this year. THANKS FOR A JOB WELL DONE. Rixy
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Review of Beneficence  
Review by Rixfarmgirl
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ken:
The opinion expressed in this review are mine. They are only opinions and as I have seen so many times, reviewers rarely agree. We all have things that jump out at us.
I liked the story and feel it was strong. However, there are a few things I would like for you to consider:

Story Strengths:
A)It held my interest
B)As always, you explain the things that the common reader may not be aware of. Your comments at the end let us know how much time and knowledge you invested in the piece…..it was not just jotted off and sent to be reviewed.
C) It brought the “Monkey’s Paw” to mind as I read and I was afraid it was going to be another copy-cat idea. But, gladly that was not the case. When a reader draws on his background to relate to your story, that is a good thing.
D) The story was descriptive in a way that allowed me to visualize the horror of the scene.
E) You do have excellent uses of words and descriptions: intricate dance of fog; fingers of wind parted the gauzy air;
F) Strong punctuation and grammar skills. A couple of suggestions. Do not enclose Bertie or Mac in “” or ‘’.
G) Great ending.

Weaknesses:
1. Redundancy. We all--or at least I--fight this battle.
Examples: A) brought a bittersweet smile to her lips.
B) smile breaking out on her face
C) smile played across his face ( this may be a cliché as well)
D) tears began coursing down her weathered cheeks. (can tears go up or across?)
**Where else might a smile be if no on the lips or face?
E) check your usages of THAT. Usually this word can be cut and makes for better flow.
2. Over use of adverbs. Technically, a piece of writing should have only one adverb per 300 words. We are to use more vivid verbs or if we have already used a vivid verb, cut the adverb. An easy was to find most of them-- you have a bout 20 not counting 7 ‘only’--is to use the search tool under edit. Type in ly and see what comes up. Make sure you have the ‘match case” and whole word squares left blank. Then, you can sail through the process of finding and deleting.
3. Cliches: playing loose and fast with the rules; strike a bargain; sun nearing its zenith; as thought she had been hit in the stomach.

A question: In all the words that Bertie speaks aloud or in her mind, she uses regular English with no dialect. However, in the following part she uses dialect only this one time. I like her better with the dialect. But, I don’t think you can have it both ways. As a person who speaks dialectically, I also think in dialect.

"Silly old woman," she muttered to herself, "this isn't an answer. This is just you wishing for something that ain't possible. You're getting old, gal. Your seeing things don't make 'em real – no more than talking to Mac makes him here."
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