This is excellently written. It really frightened me, I almost felt paralysed myself. I was sort of experiencing that emotion of trying to run in water, or down a never ending corridor whilst reading it- I really wanted the woman to survive. I felt angry at the husband, and angry at the medical examiner who was too busy concentrating on getting out of there rather than actually doing his job. I also felt pity for the woman who thought she saw signs of life in her- if only she'd have followed her gut instinct! Needless to say I felt very entwined with the story, and what the protagonist was experiencing. So, well done to you!
This is very sweet. It's written in a very direct manner- it gets straight to the emotional points. Of being and not being is an especially intriguing line- it opens up to the concept that when a person suffers alzheimers, they are still physically here, but not always mentally aware of where they are. RIP to your grandmother. And, welcome to writing.com! :)
I like the development of plot within this story. The use of short paragraphs make it easier to be read, and also simultaneously seem to represent the character's age, as well as help aid a mental description of the setting. I loved the way you described the weather, it made it the weather more acknowledgeable, and made it seem as though I was experiencing it along with the character. The cliffhanger at the end made it more interesting- I really want to know what happens next!
This poem really pulled on my hear strings. It's always disheartening when happenings cause people to drift apart or prolong an already in existence separation. The bond between father and son is strong in this- the twist of it being his father that the narrator is talking to is enchanting. For a poem that could easily be about a romantic relationship, it really drew to significance the notion of family. :)
I loved the relationship between man and dog in this story. And yes, it is often that we are never truly ready to answer the door when ever someone knocks on it - there's a lot of times when it's an inconvenience. The mention of a knocking on the door, is an interesting thing to write about. It's something that many readers would be familiar with, and the use of humour throughout make it an interesting read. :)
I like the intriguing use of rarely heard of names- I always find it interesting to get to know characters that have an unusual, or rarely heard of name, it helps me get to grips with the personality of the character. I have to admit- the title of the story reminded me a lot of the TV series, 'Supernatural', which is a relatively good thing as it caught my attention. :)
I really enjoyed reading this. The use or rhyme makes the poem flow and read smoothly. I like how it almost seems like it's written by an observer observing an observer, and what makes an observer.
I love the imagery of 'rosy' lips it brings to light even more so, the innocence of being a child. It's a sad fact, that in some Countries bearing females is conidered unacceptable. It's quite sad really, because where would males be with no females ?
Oooh, this gave me goosebumps. The description of the attack on the prey is so life like and disturbing. It makes you want to read on, as does the introduction, the audience feels like they have to know why this girl is running. Very well done indeed. :)
What's so great about poetry is that it's personal to the writer, I like that you felt comfortable enough to share your emotions about your friend being there for you, with the rest of us on here. Signing it at the end, strengthens the fact that it's a personal poem for you, and clearly shows that you're equally a good friend back for taking in stride that your friend was there for you. I liked your use of rhyme, and the way it finished with a full stop (or period if you're American), it finalizes the poem, and brings the point across clearer.
This made me smile, it's such an enlightening, uplifting story. It reminds me of the Ugly Duckling, which also makes me smile. I like how you changed the font when you first mentioned 'Bruce'. It makes the name stand out and really does strengthen the fact that Bruce is indeed one of a kind. The different use of colours makes it even more appealing to the expected reading age of the story, I did notice a few gramatical errors though, but otherwise this is excellent.
I really like how you've brought familiarity into this, and how you've brought the idea that the light could have human traits such as deception. I find it amusing how you mention that it's shining a 'golden glow' into the room, but as in fact quite chilly outside, as this is something I've experienced many of times. I did notice that you made a typo with one of your 'I' s , I presume you meant for it to be in upper case?
I like how there's ambigousness over whether or not the hallucination is actually a real entity. IT's a well constructed passage, and startin th extract with speech makes it that litte bit more encouraging to read on because it's beyond the norm.
This is so sad. :( To think of one losing their first love, and never really admitting completely to it only for the other do die is so heartbreaking! This piece really had me hooked to it, I felt my emotions being drawn towards it, and really felt as though I was in the story myself. I do wish she'd go to the grave and mourn her though, blanking it out is never safe for one's sanity! She really needs to face her sexuality too. :( I enjoyed reading this! :)
I liked this. It's quite sad to think that this person can't get the person he loves to love him properly back, and that at the same time there's someone who'd be willing to treat him the right way.
This is quite funny, but in a good way, it reminds me of the mini preaches that School teachers give to pupils when it comes to marking classmate's work.
I like this, the way it's written makes it encouraging to continue on reading. I liked the repeition too, and how you tied in the first and last stanza with the word 'Light!'
First of all, I notice it says you're a 'newbie' so welcome to this site! I love the fact that you've played on a fairytale and twisted it to suit itself into including contemporary issues. I think that's really awesome, and humorous in its own manner.
I just wanted to inform you, that this is the first time I've come across this and I'm quite upset, because I wish I'd come across it before! I used to love playing the three letter game when I was a child, and now that I know 'three word mayhem' exists, I'm going to make sure I revisit!
It's quite apt how I came across this poem, only a short while after panicking thinking my computer had died. (Fortunately, it hasn't). I like the rhyme within this poem, and I love how it constantly jumps back imagery of technology.
To me, this poem, reminds me of the fear that one day robots will take over, or that mankind will rely so much on technology that they'll forget how to fend for themselves, should there be an apocalypse.
Just to let you know, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, it paced evenly, and didn't feel to hectic whilst being read. :)
It's quite striking that I came across this, and read it, just after Halloween. It's a quite chilling story, and superbly written. In parts it makes me want to cry, I really sympathise with Tommy's wish to read instead of do work, I can empathise with the emotions he must have felt to feel the wrath of his aunt's distemper towards him.
The story's quite sad all in all, to think that such a young boy could've done such a thing, even if it does point towards the possibility of another personality or entity doing it. To conclude, I feel I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece of fiction!
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