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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rschmfem
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93 Public Reviews Given
93 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I use a template that looks lots like a hybrid of
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and
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#1732806 by Not Available.
I'm good at...
picking out typos, grammar faux pas, and other things that usually you don't see get picked on until it's Edited by a professional. My brain is just naturally wired that way, and my heart is naturally kind. I can't over look things that bug me. I have to tell you. Then, it's up to you to do whatever you want with the information.
Favorite Genres
No limit.
Least Favorite Genres
Not so much a genre really, but more along the lines of ... boring.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, flash fiction, prequels, poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
interactive stories
I will not review...
Things I find boring to read. I would not give it any justice, so it would be best to leave that review to someone who finds it interesting to read.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Teenage Crushes  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Beautiful short story, iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen. I am always in the mood for your writing. But damn I wasn't expecting a monologue to sound so much like a conversation... and no description? It just worked! It simply worked. Amazing. I bow to you and look up to you. Keep on doing whatever it is that you are doing. It's working.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
"Good Deeds Get CASH!" 


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2
2
Review of A New Beginning  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
That's a dreamy tale, Jawhar. It takes me back to reading Strange Places by Jefferson Smith, in it a character is in a dark cavernous place for a large duration of the story. Also of walking and discovering scenes in the story Resurrection of Magic by Kathleen Duey. I like the first, but love the second. If you would like to see more darkness floundering see these two works, as I have read them and they are good if not great and are fun to read. Just thought I'd share the likeness links of these two works with yours.

I am affiliating with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  and "Good Deeds Get CASH!" ; and found your piece through the "The Review Mixer" .
Aside from the literal aspect of the scene in this piece, I feel that it's high on the part of ascension and spiritual awakening. When you tap into the Oneness, Higher Self, God, etc. Just my faith popping in. You can take offense or not, I don't mean anything by it just meer observation connection to your scene depicted in this piece here.
But do as you like. I wouldn't have the last bit connected... I'd off set it so that the scene is closed properly and not with the reality door slam.
Just my *Penguin*
Have a great day, write on! ~roseanne


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3
3
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Short, sweet and cute. If you tilt your head to the right, it kind of looks like a left \m/ metal rock hand with the thumb out too... Aesthetically speaking.
I like how you used rose as a color and not a flower. Do you know how nasty they smell after a few days? Keep those babies on a bush, yes, ma'am. And keep those fingers on a keyboard or pen, 💙 Carly

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4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow. This is a great short story showing the good and bad and ugly of relationships and economy and life. It is so simple and ordinary, yet also, bold and new. Everyone knows babies cost a lot of money to raise and jobs are hard to come by. It would be difficult to not have feelings after reading this. Well done.
I am going to affiliate with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  and opt in for Good Deeds. As well as thank you again for sharing your writing to WDC and hopefully soon the world. Keep writing.


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5
5
Review of Her Mare's Nose  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I didn't know this. But I do now. I am not sure I want to put my nose so close to a horses... regardless of the level of cuteness of such a mare on a hot night or morning.

But this short ditty is quaint and very visceral.. more so than many people's longer prose. It's pretty amazing actually how much the senses are tapped in this.

Might I use this as future reference to writing my own poetry and prose?

Thank you for sharing and don't stop. BTW, I found you with the Random REview finder, and I am affiliating this review with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . Thanks again and keep writing!


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6
6
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lovely poem, my dear. I had a few instances where the flow was sliced off. But I'm not even really going to point them out. It's a quaint poem. I have to admit that I didn't read the portions below the poem just the item itself. So my rating reflects that of the poem.
If you want me to retract the rating at anytime. Do not hesitate. I will further like to wish you a happy birthday! oxxox


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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Found your piece listed for reviews on the Review Port for Power Reviews. Very interesting twist on the "man vs. fly" concept.

Descriptions: *Star**Star**Starw**Starw**Starw*
I liked when you were viscerally moving the story forward. It was a bit over the top at times with a bit too much detail. But I think that it's always easier to edit detail out rather than in. Kudos there. I followed along, despite the flip flop of being completely in and then completely out of Sarah's head story telling feeling that I kept getting. Ping Pong. When you were showing ... visceral/sensical... completely out of Sarah's head. Then, just thoughts and self questioning. Everything outside her head seems to be paused? Not all that important is physical description of Sarah or Boyfriend, but in the light of the extreme moth descriptions maybe some bits and pieces here and there would suffice.

Emotional Reaction *Star**Star**Star**Star**Starw*
At first I wasn't sure if this was a paranormal or psychological thriller or what. The journey as reader was just as enjoyable as the story itself. And well, fear of bugs is quite common and I think that it may resonate with many readers. Even those that don't fear bugs per se, can relate to something that they are afraid of. Writing in the moment with all the senses, viscerally, does that. It resonates. Kudos again. It's not something that I have dabbled in, but I definitely see the potential fan base and readership of this kind of stuff. I was, also, definitely smiling by the end, though. :)

Writing Style/ Narrative Voice: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Starw*
I found that it was extremely entertaining, as proof that I didn't need to get up an come back and read it in one go! Kudos to you again!
I was hoping that Sarah would beat this thing! And I don't think I would go so far as thinking a moth a monster, but the way you explain it, makes me want to hurl at times. Kudos! Though, Boyfriend, teases Sarah too much. I don't like being teased, and I am glad Sarah stands up for herself!
It was oddly relatable. Emphasis on the ODD part.

Character Motivation: *Star**Star**Star**Starw**StarW*
I can totally see Sarah getting stuck in her head, with her thoughts, even though these parts were a little bit story stopping for me, as I felt that I was being ping ponged back and forth from commentary to story; It does give reason to her getting stuck in her head a lot, and how the little moth could become a monster for her.

Setting: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*
Great job integrating this element.

Storyline: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*
Flows extremely well and easy to follow.

Thank for posting your work and allowing me to read and comment on it.

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8
8
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
That's too friggin cute. I can't stand the extremes in everyday life, but they sure make for some funny stories!

I love how stereotypical female the wife is. Many might disagree with me, but she's absolute mayhem. And her poor, dear husband who was trying so hard. A tragic comedy.

This is supposed to be hilarious, but I just wanted to point out some physics... Which you may have already considered, but I actually think that it adds to the element of funny in this piece....
A ton of bricks would kill a bear.
But then of course, there'd be no fourth stanza, which just brings it home, proudly.

Story structure is all there, as if all acts of a play is one for each stanza. So nicely wrapped up for the reader. So cutely organized.

I love how the first and last stanza's right alignment descend. It probably wasn't intentional but It looks great, aesthetically pleased me. :)

Thanks for writing and sharing that writing and please never stop.
I'll be back.
~ ROSΣANNΣ|NaPoWriMo|WGT|JDI
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9
9
Review of Pathways  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I can't see the picture in which was used for the prompt, but the poem itself aside from following a particular form ... was imagery inducing. Like I said I can't see the prompt, but what I am imagining is a pathway home to a house or afterlife, in the metaphorical sense.


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10
10
Review of I can’t go home  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I appreciate the poetry style explained at the bottom. It is very helpful for people without formal training, like me.

I for some reason think that it's very repetitive, but I know that's part of the style. I just don't know why it feels like the same thing said over and over again.


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11
11
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am not exactly sure how that can happen underwater, reading a text message on a cellphone in a mesh bag... Better be in a life-proof case!

I think you did well with your word requirements too. How you must like sharks or something because of those three words, I wouldn't for the life of me come up with a shark-tank story gone awry.

Well executed otherwise, great structure. And I would love to read more of yours in the near future.

~ rschmfem


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12
12
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello. I have all too much understanding of depression. But I have a natural hunger for knowledge and I am always teaching myself new things and skills and ideas just seem to come naturally to me too. I am not typing this out as a bragging right, but as honest feedback that even though our mind overtakes us sometimes, it's a deep seeded truth that we are not our minds. I want to recommend a spiritual adviser named Eckhard Tolle, he uses reference material from scripture and from religious texts around the world. He talks about how each and every religion seeks one thing: Enlightenment. The best way to describe it in my own words is acceptance of your life situation and perseverance to better yourself and always be the best you and complete connectedness with everything around you. We are all connected. And before I break out in "Colors of the Wind" I'll stop myself totally and urge you to be present in the current moment as often as you can and observe your mind from a friendly, open and non-judging space.
I want to commend you on pouring your heart out on WDC and hope that you find peace in your own way soon.
~ ROSΣANNΣ|NaPoWriMo|WGT|JDI


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13
13
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Adorable poem. I love love love the writing, the form, the flow, the patterned scheme. IT's adorable. A little tiny parable as well.
I still don't know what I will be when I grow up and according to a few older adults that I've spoken with at my current job as a Cashier and Customer Service rep, they still don't. The innocence of childhood fades but the clueless mind remains. Sad but true. Not often the case, but true nonetheless.
I hope that you write more, and thanks for sharing.


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14
14
Review of Disillusionment  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful. I am starting to learn more and more about enlightenment and when I see pieces of it pop up here there and where you are right now. I see it. Illusion is the life situation. I recommend to you if you haven't already ~ Eckhart Tolle ~ His book is about the power of now and what it means to truly be alive within your body, within the collective body. I would love to read more about your work and if you ever would like to ask for another review I would love to do so.
The flow of this piece. I can't say much in how I would change it. I could totally see this printed somewhere. Maybe even used in Enlightened texts in the future.
The subject is ever flowing in and out of conscious and unconsciousness, it's so amazing to read and to understand. I just hope that others can take away more than just what is written, just what is at face value.
This is a gem in a haystack. I thank you for sharing.
~ Rschmfem


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15
15
Review of BOOK  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
this is adorable. I can see it as a jingle or a picture book for young and old children to read and re-read again and again.
The flow is a bit wonky and off and it doesn't really have a much going in form or structure. But the lines rhyme and that's something, I suppose.

I immediately started thinking "Take a look, it's in a book, reading rainbow~ I can go anywhere!!!"

Anyway. Thanks for sharing.
Toodles~
~rschmfem


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16
16
Review of Embraced By Light  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is beautiful. I can't really understand it all. It seems to me to be more about being awakened to full consciousness more so than being birthed into this world. I don't have any recollection that is of my birthing and it just as might be exactly like this.
The images are wonderfully written and beautiful to try and concoct within ones mind.
I really have to read more of your work.
Thanks for sharing this amazing piece.


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17
17
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
I don't believe I am seeing this in a Dear ME letter... but I love your second half of your letter and how your grades and scores are in there and how you have measurable means by which to know when you obtain your goals.
As far as a full time boyfriend, I haven't really latched onto the concept that that's a goal or should be a goal and if it's not obtained that it should be considered a failure. Because that is a touchy thing and depends on more than just you to obtain.
It is very short but sometimes short is better.
Good luck on your grades.
`rschmfem


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18
18
Review of The Mushy Fly  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading this lovely flash fiction piece of yours. It has such character even if one doesn't quiet understand everything that is going on, as I did not. I don't know if this is part of a serial of flashes or just a stand alone. Either way the characters are amazing... Especially the Mushy Fly. Seems to have such pride in the extend of his/her efforts in unearthing all the mark's information but alas when the most was unearthed about the man in question it was simply one of the most used social media sites on the internet. Just a let down for our Mushy Fly, isn't it. That no real skill was involved to uncover such information. Yet, the guy poured his life out for the world to see on Twitter.
Just makes you think about your own information and if it's accessible, and how one needs to protect themselves. But like my dad always says... locks only keep the honest men out. If you know what I mean?
Anyway thanks for sharing and I would love to read more if ever you are in the need for a review or two.
`Rschmfem


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19
19
Review of Reflection  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Face expressions when unforced are the greatest, in my opinion, of human experience. There's nothing like seeing someone's face light up the minute, the instant that they recognize you or realize that it's you. Like you're the one person they wanted to see all day.
In turn a face can betray you if you are not willing to make such knowledge known. Your little poem as ignited in me a lot of thought and I do hope that you keep writing such stirringly emotional pieces.
I am giving you 4.5 stars because I am not exactly sure what you are talking about and wanted to give you feedback in what I took away from it.


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20
20
Rated: E | (4.0)
Great essay. Other than some : overuse and tense word mishaps, this is a fun/entertaining read. We see a little (or rather BIG) part of you in this piece. A love of something that quite possibly is a love of most humans.
This reads like a Blog, very conversational and personal; but also, as an Ode like it's title. I am pleased to rate this as a first review for you; and happy Anniversary Too.
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


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21
21
Review of A cemetary Walk  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Such a quaint twist in this little ditty. I love cemeteries, and that is what brought me to this poem. I love the freedom of verse here. It suits the concept that is so great to see in poem form. So very Sixth Sense, indeed.
I like the darkness of the piece that doesn't take away from the innocence of the child POV.
Great job, and keep sharing. Thanks for posting this and other works.
Warm Regards,
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


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22
22
Review of Dear me  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so true for many people for things that, like writing, aren't mainstream important. It gets backburnered. It's sad but true.
I like how you just focus on the one thing in this letter/promise to yourself.
"Just start".
And well most of us know that the start is the hardest part, but once momentum takes over it's smooth (or mostly) sailing from there.
Warm Regards,
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


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23
23
Review of A Poem for Jay  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Fellow "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  Challenger...

First Impression- Watery eyed. Did your brother die? Not that it's my business to know, but that was the impression by the end of the poem, that he is no longer here.

*Burstbl*Rhythm *Burstbl* It's "short and sweet"... Cute, even.

*Burstbl*Flow & Rhyme*Burstbl* Some points are a little off, but otherwise sexy.

*Burstbl*Word Choice, Theme & Emotional Reaction*Burstbl* Emotional.. Like I mentioned right away, I felt the deep, quick felt feels right away.

*Burstbl*Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling*Burstbl* Consistent for poetry, *Smile*

*Burstbl*Weaknesses and Improvements*Burstbl* some points felt a little forced as far as flow and rhyme...

Such as..

a... June 8th          
a... awake.          
b... bright
b... lights...

I am not sure if you realize, or if it was just confusing to me to read your poem style at the bottom...

...but...

Iambic pentameter is a about syllable couples, or feet (iambic=a foot with one stressed and one unstressed syllable; pentameter is five feet). It has nothing to do with rhyme. But the two first lines... don't rhyme as written.

eighth... awake

now if it were...

eighth ... awaits
(close to a rhyme)
or

eight ... await
(sounds rhymey)

It's got the heart to be perfect. Thanks for posting it and allowing me to read and review. Cheers to you!

*Confettib**Penb*ROSΣANNΣ|NaPoWriMo|WGT|JDI *Pawprints*
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