Yes, the power of mathematics.....mathematics that drive and underlie everything in the universe. This is a very thought provoking and stimulating poem. I am curious yellow as to what you mean by "the law of eight". I have always believed everything was subject to the law of 9.
This one is absolutely delicious. Very credible and extremely readable and palitable to the soul. You reach down deep within yourself to grasp the reader's hand and lead them deep down within themselves that they may identify with your sorrow.
I am taken to a precipice almost too far when I read the lines.
"Like a veil, shrouding life's beauty in black,"
You have a way of transporting the reader into another dimension momentarily.
What a gift you have for the written word. Excellent!!
What an extremely unusual rhyme scheme. I am so glad you pointed it out at the bottom of the poem or I may have missed it entirely. Somewhere in my subconscious I was aware of rhyming but when I looked and it wasn't classic rhyme or easily evident I forgot about it and just continued reading. When I finished the poem and saw the rhyme scheme laid out at the bottom I reread the poem and although I liked it originally, I liked it much more knowing the rhyme scheme and respecting your use of it.
Stuctured poetry such as this is always far more difficult to write than free verse and you have done a great job on this poem both on the structure and the content.
It is a heartfelt poem filled with nostalgia, emotion and the true happiness family relationships can bring to the deserving heart.
Keep writing. I love your work and your innovative creativity.
This is an excellent poem. It reeks with magic, imagery, and emotion. The silence seduces, brings together then sends astray the lover who fell under its magic at the start. The lover leaves the relationship as he entered it....through silence.
I particularly like the line "the silence of your words" which leaves an open book of meaning for the reader to translate to suit his mood or present emotional need.
I don't know if you are a new or seasoned poet, although I would tend to believe you are a seasoned poet simply by the intrinsic value that permeates your work.
You are a wonderful poet and I would like to read more of your poetry.
Oh yes, and one suggestion.....I believe this poem should be titled Your Silence.
I understand where you're coming from with this poem and I like the emotion you display, but your punctuation and capitization needs to be addressed and corrected as follows:
was’nt SHOULD BE wasn't
5th line from the bottom you capitalize the word Was and it should be uncapitalized.
4th line from the bottom should end with comma not questions mark.
2nd line from the bottom should not start with a sentence joining word such as because or 'cause. This word should be eliminated and the sentence should start with It's
I notice in the entire poem you lack punctuation except for your commas and question marks. The poem is good, but would definitely rise in stature with the correct use of punctuation.
I'm not trying to ram correct use of grammar and language down your throat, but i do believe if you study up on it a bit it will improve your writing immensely.
I wish you much success in your writing and all your future endeavours.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/saddlestone
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 3:38am on Apr 19, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
