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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sboyce89
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Do Not Go Gently  
Review by thePen Dragon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Cool! I love the title and it's definitely an intriguing read. The one thing I would like to see is a bit more elaboration about what these things are and why the little girl feels sympathy for them. I also got the impression that there were more of them than just 2 at the beginning. But all in all, I like the story.
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Review by thePen Dragon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Nice! I'm getting a real 2001 Space Odyssey vibe from this. Be sure to keep the voice as active as possible:

"Captain Thorpe floated weightlessly," instead of "the weightless form of Captain Thorpe floated."

"The bright halogen floor lights outlined Edwards' casual figure" instead of "The figure of Edwards..."

Hope that helps. Thanks for the read!
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Review by thePen Dragon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Haha, I like your tagline best. I also prefer my Spam in a can. And my credit card company doesn't even HAVE my email address. Thanks for the read!
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