I found this trough random reviews. It has a definite 'I don't care about anything' attitude, which presumably is what you are going for here. The bit about 'deep fried in bacon fat' is evocative, but I'm not sure what it means. So perhaps that bit is trying too hard. Also, the phrase you want at the end of that sentence is 'en masse'.
Not actually as bad as the description makes it sound. It does alright as comic poetry.
If you wish to improve it, you might switch out the second mention of 'cudgel' for a different word, such as 'weapon'. Given that you proclaim it intentionally bad, perhaps you'd rather leave it as-is.
I found the beginning hard to follow with all the anonymity and only identifying characters by hair color. Also, in the first paragraph you begin by using they/them pronouns for Duskero, but then by paragraph's end you switch to he/him. Why? I think you'd be better off identifying your character by name earlier, and mentioning physical descriptions a bit further on.
This seems like a small part of a larger whole. It definitely leaves me wanting to know more. For example, how did he do it?
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