The only bit of feedback is that I wish we could see what the right answers were. After the quiz completed I admit I was curious what the answers were to the questions I missed. If it's not possible, then don't worry about it.
I think I've read that poem and seen it reprinted on various household goods. Gonna try and give what constructive feedback I can in this review.
The contest asks for a prompt. You have answered this contests challenge but I think this could be clearer.
Your prompt is a leading question. Something with a yes or no answer. It does not ask for elaboration or an essay or a story based off the prompt. I feel like most writers might have trouble writing in response.
This is regardless of whether the author is christian or not. You haven't even hinted on whether you're after an essay or a poem. Maybe after asking if the reader has heard of the poem Footprints in The Sand, you could define the parameters of this prompt.
It's nice that you pray for Jesus to carry you. However in terms of what the contest is asking for, it feels unnecessary to add it at the end of your entry.
To quote the book of Mathew "your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly." So I don't think the phrase at the end adds anything to the prompt. God sees you. He doesn't need you showing everyone else how pious you are.
Sorry I ripped you a new one. This is just my opinion.
I can't point anything out to improve. I'm using this review as an opportunity to tell you how reading this piece made me feel.
My mom died from complications due to stage 4 ovarian cancer. It was 2020 and I lived in one of the "hotzones" on the east coast. As a result, I wasn't able to say goodbye in person.
Reading this essay about how hospice helped you psychologically and physically prepare for your father's passing brought back those memories. Yet it was refreshing to read the perspective of someone else who experienced something similar. Thank you for sharing.
Reviewing Dragons to Classes for the I Write activity. This poem addresses the prompt directly in its sixteen lines. There were four quatrains. I didn't find any rhyming scheme. That's still acceptable not all poems have to rhyme.
The rhythm of the short stanzas kind of reminded me of wing beats. Can't explain why but they just did.
Your words describe the scene of a dragon picking up students perfectly.
I enjoyed the young dragon's enthusiasm at his job.
This wasn't what I was expecting. To an extent, you do an excellent job with sensory details and describing the scene. There were still problems.
The plot felt a little forced. Details of the ghostly encounters were vague. The characters reactions weren't described or believable. I would've been more satisfied if you had more details. Such as how did the actress die? Why are the ghosts still trapped in the theatre? How does a cold breeze extinguish an electric light? Is this theater just dark or is it like a maze? I feel like these issues need to be addressed. Details like that are important.
You may want to consider leaving a blank space between the title and the first paragraph. It would also help to have new paragraphs for new subjects. Things got a little jumbled. Also, you didn't need the word 'and' when describing the theater. 'Old abandoned theater' makes as much sense as what was written.
So after I say all that, you seem to be a good story teller. This has potential. I hope you write more things.
This was the cutest story about a rat I've read. It sounds like you enjoyed your time together with Peek a Boo. A lot of people think rats are mean but this little guy sounds so sweet and gentle. Thank you for sharing such a positive story.
I am assuming that there was a word count limit for this story. It is very short and to the point.
One thing left me unsatisfied. While there was a sense of affection between you and your pet, I had other questions. Did owning a rat change your life?
I guess it's because I've never raised this type of animal but it seems unclear why family obligations would have made giving Peek a Boo up a necessity. Maybe you could have addressed those. Or it might just be me being dense.
These are just suggestions. It's up to you what you do with this review.
I read the whole essay. It was heart wrenching. Your struggle to become a professional author may not have borne fruit. However, I understand writing because you have to.
You are very articulate and descriptive. I felt as if I could see your feelings and actions as clearly as if this were a documentary film.
There were no spelling or grammar errors. I don't see any way to improve this essay. Just a heads up, I think I'll read some more of your writing.
This is so funny! It reminds me of some stories I've heard about customers my sister-in-law has come in for eye exams. One guy asked her for an epidural so they could look inside his eye better.
Anyways, this was very well written and I enjoyed reading this story.
This was a good piece. I really liked how the singing styles of Dan and Ryan underscore the climax of the story.
While I was reading I found it surprising. At first I thought Dan was going to be the protagonist then he seemed to be the antagonist. In the end I guess it was more the situation that caused the conflict.
I hardly ever see stories where the people who are fighting resolve things and then deepen an existing friendship. That was certainly refreshing.
This is the funniest shopping trip I've ever read about. I have never had so much fun with math. I felt like this was something that Lewis Carrol would be proud to have inspired.
I liked that being inclusive was "written into the solar system." I also thought the store's equation for deciding prices was either madness or genius. It really illustrated just how silly and arbitrary rules at that place are.
There was a very amusing illogical logic to everything that happened in that story.
Not sure if it was intentional but the references to real world absurdities I found throughout this entry were highly relatable.
I couldn't stop laughing the entire time I was reading. Well done, no complaints here. Your writing is really good.
This review is for the poem "Mix". I'm reviewing this poem as part of "I Write".
This poem is a description of what the unseen narrator was doing. It is eight lines and uses the words in the prompt. Thus meeting requirements for the activity it was written for.
What I liked: The idea that the narrator is both observing and participating in various events. The poem was simple to understand and follow.
I also liked the references to Dragon Vale participation. I think talking about the virtual world is a wonderful contrast to the very concrete nature imagery in the first stanza.
Suggestions: I wasn't able to identify any rhyming scheme or form with this poem. When I read this aloud I was unable to detect any rhythm to the poem. I find that unusual. Maybe, if you didn't mean for it to be this way, ask yourself these questions when writing a poem. Is there a form of poem I like or that is better at exploring the theme I'm writing about? How do I feel when I read this? Does the final poem match the guidelines for the type of poem I am writing?
Anyways, this is just my opinion after growing up reading and writing poems for homeschool. They aren't the last word.
What this poem says is very true and sad. I felt like you did a good job of describing the way politicians really are and how they treat those they represent.
I didn't find any technical things wrong. You followed the rules for Sonnets. Which is great because that's even harder than using C++.
This is a cute poem. I only know a little about Limericks as a form so please don't take this to heart.
I've always had this idea that these poems were supposed to be funny. While this made me smile, I didn't find it humorous.
It put me in mind of the legend of Fin MacCool. The bit where he gets the vision by licking the fish oil from his hands. It kind of made me nostalgic for high school english class. In a good way.
I really enjoyed the story! It wasn't exactly the Holmes and Watson or the London I remember from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's work. Still a very thrilling narrative.
The steam powered soldiers were terrifying. I could almost hear the deafening clash of metal as they marched towards Holmes.
There were some aspects of the plot I had trouble accepting. Setting off dynamite in an enclosed space seemed a little dangerous for the person using the explosive. Also part of what gives diamonds their hardness is the way the carbon atoms are arranged. If you were to just plate something with carbon derived from methane, you could end up with some variation of plastic such as PVC, kevlar or teflon depending on what impurities were introduced. I'm going to assume thats not what Maxwell was doing. To make actual synthetic diamond in a laboratory is possible though, but they'd be yellow not clear.
Sorry, it's a minor detail. I'm just a fussy nerd who studied chemistry and physics as part of their undergraduate degree. I overlooked those details and just enjoyed the tale.
You did an excellent job setting the scene and building suspense. It held my attention to the very end.
Thank you for including the lyrics to the song at the top of your work. I can't always understand people when they're singing.(For the longest time I thought Elton John was singing about "Kings and A Bag of bombs" every time I watched the 1990s Lion King.) I also enjoyed seeing that the embedded video works. I've noticed a lot of people are adding to the Soundtrack of My Life project. I am left curious as to why you chose this song. Was it playing on your iPad, radio or phone today? Was it in the background of some life shaping event? Or do you just really like the song?if it's too personal, you don't have to answer the question. I have to admit the music in the video is very retro 80s. I wish I could think of anything constructive but I'd say this is a good blog post.
I suppose I should've read the prompt first. This almost seems to fit the nonsense form, but it appears to be a slice of life. Is it Clara's or Clyde's?
They make an interesting pair. Clyde seems superstitious and Clara has a touch of whimsy.
I am wondering why a fashion designer would want to sow a prodigious amount of flannel to an umbrella. The notion is silly but I assume that's the point.
Two minor pieces of feedback. Clyde got food, is it supposed to be for a casino or from a casino? Either way Clyde ate it at the end.
My second suggestion is with your first paragraph. There are some words that seem unnecessary. We already know from the first sentence that it's Clara's peculiarities we are discussing. Maybe take her name out of the second sentence. It could read, "Anyone who knows her could tell you..."
You did do a good job of letting us know what Clyde did. I could almost smell the prime ribs. I could get a general sense that Clyde was really used to humoring Clara.
Overall, this piece at least brought a smile to my face.
Well the ending of this story did give me a chuckle.
Your story telling was very descriptive. I felt like I was in the woods with you and the other two Jims. The statement by Schwartz-B, "You know Smokey can already handle a shovel and now - you've just taught him how to use a rake!" Was a nice punchline to end the story on.
I don't blame you guys for scaring off the bear. Even if it wasn't actively looking to attack you, it's still better to frighten a predator than end up inside one.
Excellent job on the narration. Can't find any flaws to fix.
This is an fun piece of writing. I enjoyed what I learned about Xander so far. They sound like they will be interesting to figure out what they do for a living.
The two large paragraphs kind of make it difficult to read. Maybe break them into smaller paragraphs based on what part of Xander's life they are describing.
Even though you shifted from the first person dialogue into the third person. I still was able to follow what you were saying. Not sure that the perspective has to be constantly 'first or third' person but if you added a few dialogue tags and descriptors it might help clarify things.
For example if you wrote "Hi I'm Xander," the young man said. "I'm a final year student in the University of Zenith Archivers..." or maybe before the dialogue in the first paragraph write. "An enthusiastic, young man walks up and introduces himself. 'Hi, I'm Xander'"and then the dialogue could continue as you have it written. Also, I just included the "..." in my example to indicate the dialogue continues. You don't have to put "..." in there if you don't want.
Anyway, I like this piece! Keep writing and post on the Community News Feed when you finish this chapter or start chapter 2. This is cool.
English is a difficult language. It's spelled weird and has a lot of strange rules.
I found your story understandable even though I haven't seen the Knives out movies. It was interesting that the main character was able to assist in solving the crime.
I have some suggestions. This may have worked better as a script for a play. Also it might read more naturally if you put "I found you in the rear garden" instead of "I found you at back garden." Both make sense but the former wording sounds more like a native speaker. Also unless a word is a proper noun, the name of a place, person or written work, words should not be capitalized in the middle of sentences.
I mess up at these things too. So these are just friendly advice.
Well this is a fine piece of satire. It did make me laugh.
You did a nice job of foreshadowing how Zub's trash became the Haute Couture for ages to come. It kind of reminds me of the old tale about The Emperor's new clothes. Only no-one ended up naked here.
One thing that could have been better was the length of paragraphs. Sometimes there were areas where you could break up large chunks into two more manageable sections.
Also I felt the dialogue kind of turned into something called an info dump. Most of it was fine but maybe while not-tall Zuk is explaining his plan. Zub could interject a few objections or questions of his own. It'd keep the interaction more lively.
I really liked the way you described Mog's court. And Neb's lack of hygene.
That, unfortunately, contrasted with the lack of description of the setting or either protagonist. Was Zub young and muscular? Did Zuk walk with a limp or was he elderly?
I didn't feel like I could picture the titular characters as well I would like to. Not sure how readers would feel but I think your trickster heroes should be just as detailed as your antagonists.
This is just my opinion. It should probably be seasoned with the proverbial grain of salt.
Well, I couldn't find a style that matched. It looks like you made use of three quatrain stanzas. The closest one I could find was envelope quatrain. Its rhyming scheme is ABBA. Yours uses AAAA BBBB CCCC.
The rhythm when I read it out loud kinda rocked my brain. In a good way. To me it seemed to alternate stressed and unstressed syllables. Kind of lending a galloping cadence to the words.
The feelings were vivid, if that makes sense. It gave me an impression of falling through a mental time warp and experiencing some of life's worst moments over again.
I had to read it to myself a few times before I got it. But I really really like this poem. I think you may have invented a new poetry form.
So interesting pattern in your stanzas with the first four. I noticed you had one line in each that didn't rhyme. It kept moving down. It might just be me but it was a little distracting. However that doesn't absolutely need to change.
You had a good rhythm in your poem. That kind of got disrupted by the second line in the fifth stanza. Instead of "imagination" maybe try "mind". That polysyllabic word trips up the flow.
If you want to get a thesaurus and look up a single syllable synonym for "imagination" that might work better.
Anyways these are just my suggestions.
I liked the concept of this poem. Overall I enjoyed reading it.
I liked how these two dovetailed into each other. I felt like I was reading something from the victim's perspective over the course of years. It was nice how the darkness was almost hidden in the second one.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/scarypotato14
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 2:00am on Apr 24, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
