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1
1
Review by Shaara
Rated: E | (4.5)
I wish this were a true poem, but in today’s world it seems that two different viewpoints rarely find peaceful co-existence. One always thinks he/she must convert the other. Politically, data no longer provides a fair meeting point. Facts are either ignored or called fake news.

But I love your conclusion about dignity, respect, and advancement.

Thanks for the positive ending,
Shaara
2
2
Review by Shaara
Rated: E | (4.0)
Yes, I would probably read this novel because I like the fact that it‘s about a cybrids, which I assume are androids.

I do need to note that the following comments are only my personal opinion:

First, tHis piece so far needs a lot of cleaning. Putting too much description into a sentence/paragraph is a turn-off.

For example, the first paragraph: I would delete „the trailing edge of each breath“. (Sorry, quotes are coming a la German. )

Broken by ghosts of pastel colors, I‘d hold onto for future writings. It adds nothing here.

To simplify: The morning after taste of stale wine hung on my breath. I woke to a pounding head. Etc.


I will try to get back to the rest of your novel if you wish but I have company coming today and no more time. Gps not necessary.
3
3
Review of Madam President  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Great job! I was rather surprised to see the National Congress of American Indians. I imagined they would have changed the name to First Nation or Native Americans, so I researched. Bravo to you for being right on. It is always good to learn something new.  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the fact that you set us up with a FEMALE president. It's about time! Then you added even more spice: Native American and gay. I look forward to your vision of the future, when prejudices are behind us.

I especially enjoyed the way that every obstacle was met with a brilliant plan. Nice thinking there. Is she available to handle Covid 19?


Corrections & comments:

It seemed that the president had enough on her plate with an invasion and a pandemic. Would she really be following through with step three of her obstacles so promptly? But this is a work of fiction, and a short fiction story, so I do understand the necessity for wrapping around all three with immediacy. Well done.

This had smooth writing, a clever plot, and a delightfully intelligent president.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of Winner  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Good job! This was a fun read.  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the behavior of the star. You showed his attitude quite well.

I especially enjoyed the dinner. How horrible! I'm sure not going to that restaurant.


Corrections & comments:

The food seemed the primary focus for Sheree, which you may have intended, but if she was really infatuated with this singer, wouldn't she have done some mooning over his appearance?

I never SAW him. What was he wearing? What did he smell like -- cologne, aftershave, etc. Did his hair fall down in his eyes? Was his voice raspy or smooth? Did he even smile at her once?

Did you ever use any color in this piece? Oh, yes. The dress was blue and silver. But what about the suit lady, Fernando's outfit, the grapes, etc Color enhances. It often lets us SEE.




I liked the ending, especially when she went to get some FOOD. LOL

The phone bill was outrageous, but wait until she gets the credit card statement! Ouch.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Good job! This was cute.  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the longing of the little boy still present in the grown-up.



I felt sad that this man, even with his love for dogs, never did any research about their needs. I think a lot of people fall into that category. Cute=desirable. But only if they can do a heap of adapting.


Corrections & comments:

I don't think the dad knew much about asthma either. It seems like he would have been a bit more knowledgeable about that? How old was Tilly? I am not sure I understood why she couldn't come, but it worked out better that she didn't. The boy is twelve, and a small dog knocks him over? (Although I know an adult who broke her wrist walking her puppy, so I guess it is certainly possible.)

I really felt sorry for this man. I wonder how he's going to resolve the situation. Will he ship the dog back to the kennel or will he adapt to having a young, energetic (and mischievous) dog?) Please tell him about the Dog Whisperer. It's a great show to watch for people with dogs.

One last note: Your paragraphing is a bit strange. You might want to help your readers by double spacing between lines.

But it was a nice story.



I am very glad I got to read it. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of With My Own Money  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Wonderful job! I absolutely loved this story. *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the ending with those precious words from his mother. Lovely.

I especially enjoyed also the way this small boy loved the child he so eagerly took care of. What a sweet relationship. I hope that rich little boy grows up to appreciate Vishnu.


Corrections & comments: Sometimes I run into cultural differences in punctuation. I am an American, and for me, sometimes you overdid the commas.

Example:". . . the money he had received at Diwali , the money he had earned for washing Mishra Uncle's car, the money he had won in a bet against Harvansh, about whose kite would fly the highest." Do you really need the comma after Harvansh?

Sometimes you use a comma for what would be a run-on sentence for us, but I know it is done that way in German." . . . it was fortunate that both Vishnu's parents worked for the Dodji family, at least his Ma had his Pa to help with the heavy stuff."

We would use either a period after family (or ; to connect the two)

Another tiny error that may or may not be cultural: at least his Ma had his Pa to help with the heavy stuff. his ma and his pa. But when used as a name, then it is Ma or Pa, as in Ma, may I have a cookie?


But that is just the grammarian in me, offering information that you can take or ignore.

Otherwise, I thought everything was wonderfully written.






I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review of With My Own Money  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Wonderful job! I absolutely loved this story. *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the ending with those precious words from his mother. Lovely.

I especially enjoyed also the way this small boy loved the child he so eagerly took care of. What a sweet relationship. I hope that rich little boy grows up to appreciate Vishnu.


Corrections & comments: Sometimes I run into cultural differences in punctuation. I am an American, and for me, sometimes you overdid the commas.

Example:". . . the money he had received at Diwali , the money he had earned for washing Mishra Uncle's car, the money he had won in a bet against Harvansh, about whose kite would fly the highest." Do you really need the comma after Harvansh?

Sometimes you use a comma for what would be a run-on sentence for us, but I know it is done that way in German." . . . it was fortunate that both Vishnu's parents worked for the Dodji family, at least his Ma had his Pa to help with the heavy stuff."

We would use either a period after family (or ; to connect the two)

Another tiny error that may or may not be cultural: at least his Ma had his Pa to help with the heavy stuff. his ma and his pa. But when used as a name, then it is Ma or Pa, as in Ma, may I have a cookie?


But that is just the grammarian in me, offering information that you can take or ignore.

Otherwise, I thought everything was wonderfully written.






I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review of A Paean to Summer  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering! Your story met the prompt with great creativity.





*Smile*  Great job! I enjoyed your tale.  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was that it was about another land. I suspect since it had a wandering star that maybe it was off-world. Although a wondering star could have been perceived to be a planet if they did not know the truth.

I especially enjoyed the mischievous young lady, although I suspect she was more than that. She appeared to be rather filled with ego and vanity.


Corrections & comments: I thought the beginning of this story moved a little slowly. Perhaps you might change the order to invite us into it a little sooner? (Just a thought.) I loved the idea of this, though. The way she swallowed a sun was quite original, and there are always consequences, of course.



I am so glad I got to read this. I enjoyed your tale. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering! You certainly met the prompt!





*Smile*  Great job! This was a very creative story.  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the twisted ending. You sure surprised me! I went back and read it several times to see if I was getting the right idea.

I especially enjoyed that in the end he was happy.


Corrections & comments: I don't think this is going to meet the requirements of Miss Manners or the Board of Morality, or whatever, but it sure gave me a chuckle and a half!



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of Fame?  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Great job! This gives me the shivers. *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the fact that you didn't let Mr. Christopher turn into Mr. Gray. For some reason, I thought that's where this was going -- maybe because they were both rich. Maybe Mr. Christopher is even worse.

I especially enjoyed the teddy bear. That was a nice touch, which is why the shivers went up and down my spine at the end.


Corrections & comments:

The man looked like Superman, but at what age? I couldn't decide on that. I don't think he was ninety, but it might make a difference concerning the shivers. LOL

She seemed a little calm that he bought her a new car. Did she think it was a loaner? If the car was new and a gift, I think she would have reacted with a bit of surprise and protestation.

her self is one word. herself

A data breach at a medical office should have been taken seriously by the police. That is illegal, after all. Whether they could prove who did it is another thing.

"They couldn't catch him at anything illegal if they even looked" is a telling sentence. Perhaps: Cecilia called the police and reported him, but that night more Thai food arrived, and in the days that followed, Italian, then Mexican enchiladas.(still telling, but . . . It gives more reason for the departure. Of course you could substitute something else he's having delivered? Diamonds, roses, chocolates???)

New paragraph: Finally . . . Cecilia packed a suitcase and called a cab. (active verbs are better.)

When she came out of the shower, A -- no capital letter.

a new enormous teddy bear lay -- grammar error.

Laid requires a direct object. There are two verbs very similar: I laid the book on the table. I lay the book on the table. I lay on the couch. I lie on the couch.


Hope you don't mind listening to my suggestions.

This is a spooky story that very much meets the prompt. Good luck in the contest.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of Know When to Fold  
Review by Shaara
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the What a Character Contest (Aug. 2020)

Thanks for entering!Your tale met the prompt perfectly.





*Smile*  Great job! I like how you set this up as a poker game with the guys. That made the dialogue interesting, as they each gave their wish.  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the idea of having world piece. I wish that person was the one to be awarded.

I especially enjoyed the way the wish backfired, as wishes do.


Corrections & comments:

I reread this a couple of times. The biggest problem with "talking heads" is that we don't get to see anyone, so although we know names, they don't sink in. We don't really know anyone.

You can avoid "talking heads" by giving facial clues, clothing descriptions, and body details: Ie. Jack's blonde hair needed brushing. Every time he smoothed it back . . . The ring on
Jack's hand sparkled. Jack wore a shirt which was buttoned all askew. Jack's deep voice, whiny voice, scratchy voice . . . etc.



So, with invisibility comes a world all messed up with riots? Why? I found the story's ending difficult to understand. I wanted more explanation about the postcard, about invisibility.

Why was Sean in a hospital bed if he was invisible? I couldn't put it all together. Sorry.



I am so glad I got to read this. It was very creative. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

What a Character Contest.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12
12
Review of Silken Threads  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Great job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the concept you presented. This is beautiful.

I especially enjoyed the way the chains shrink in intimacy and are strengthened by unselfish care.


Corrections & comments: Personally, I would place a period after swollen, then start the next line as a complete sentence.

It was also nice the way you contrasted nebular focus and singular focus. Well thought-out.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of Love's Rose  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Wonderful!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the fact that I could almost smell that rose. I think it was the way the bud opened, atom by atom that did that, along with the release of its perfume. It was all so very vivid. I am sure that rose was red. Right?



I especially enjoyed that this piece wasn't about a new love, but a love that had endured. That is truly the evidence of LOVE.


Corrections & comments: What else can I say. This is beautiful. It makes anyone romantic at heart say, "Ahhhhh." The way you wrote this, giving every word precision and depth deserves a bow. This piece floored me with awe.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Great job! This gave me goosebumps! *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the story you gave us. It was a peek into a different culture from mine that revealed how love could look from another angle. Nicely done.



I especially enjoyed the way you presented this, leading us softly, gently through one man's tale. I'd like to gaze at his young bride, see the hero of the tale, even glance at his mother so I could try to understand how she could be so cruel. But even when you didn't SHOW us that, you gave us a well-rounded picture.


Corrections & comments: No corrections. How could I change a thing, when you wove this like a tapestry. Very SKILLFULLY.






I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of Your Embrace  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Good job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the ending, the way it is two against the a "world prone to darkness." That last line is powerful!

I especially enjoyed the emotion in this piece. The love comes through.


Corrections & comments: My one suggestion is to find another wording for the following cliche: "Burning bright." I wonder if there is other phrasing you could use. The rest of the poem is so beautifully fresh.

But then there is that crescendo at the end, so . . . ??? Anyway, nice writing.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Great job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was "the butterfly wings of my heart." That is so vivid, so emotional.

I especially enjoyed "our sun" as if the fact that it belonged only to the two of you had deepened the intensity of your relationship. And then there was the line"between the beats of my eardrum." That is something, we, the reader can understand. We've felt it, heard it. Nicely done.


Corrections & comments: This may just be me, but I would drop the last two lines. They take away from the beauty of that sensory-filled first stanza.

But, you are the poet who has felt this emotion, or at least built it to share for the rest of us, so . . .



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Good job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the contrast at the beginning of their friendship to the ending of what was to come.

I especially enjoyed "Children three, dogs galore." Great line.


Corrections & comments:

This was a nice piece about a lengthy marriage. It showed the necessity of friendship in a relationship, which is why I enjoyed it so much.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Great job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the way your love was the king of your heart. Lovely.

I especially enjoyed the last stanza with its almost magical feel. This made me wonder if the poet were an elf princess, a mother with her son, a tired woman who simply loved her husband, or . . .?


Corrections & comments:

Are there any soft beds on the moon? (Just kidding.) This reminds me of the work of many of the old children's tales. I loved the "fetch a nice pillow from the clouds." That's a line I could really get into. LOL

Actually, this piece is quite wondrous. I think one day we might see it in poetry books.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Good job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the tone of innocent first love. Should I risk it? Should I dare?

I especially enjoyed the feeling of youth you've managed to put into this piece. We've all been at that moment of uncertainty. That's why it is so easy to identify with this piece.


Corrections & comments: "In the worst of times, This has been the best of times" sounds too much like Dickens in the "Tale of Two Cities." I would reword that. It breaks the mood, which you really don't want to have happen in the middle of a love poem.

Anyway, you did a good job with the prompt.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review of beyond dreaming  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





*Smile*  Great job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the illustration of how we often don't get what we think we want, and that turns out better. I like your liking.

I especially enjoyed the ending. It was surprising, which is always a good thing.


Corrections & comments:

foolishness. I've bleed (bled?)

somehow, as we grow together . . . at this point you switched to present tense. But I would feel it more coherent if you remained in past tense.
somehow, as we grew together, etc., because with the lines that follow, you are looking back over a period of time.

But, you're the poet. I am just giving you an opinion here.

Anyway, you did a great job with this piece. I enjoyed my read.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





I am so sorry your piece did not qualify in the contest. I was told that it did not have a line count. But here is a review to cheer you up.  



What I liked most about this piece was that, according to the picture and the name on the acrostic, this is a truth poem, so bravo. I hope you share it with your loved one.

I especially enjoyed the thought at the end: that "hospitals are the true reveal." That is something we all can be thinking about, especially in times like now.


Corrections & comments:

I wouldn't put two ing words together: "Lasting loving," but maybe that's just me. For me, the sound of it is off. But you're the poet, just letting you know my thoughts.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review of Valentines  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Journey Through Genres: Romantic Poetry (February, 2020)

Thanks for entering!





I am so sorry your piece did not qualify in the contest. I was told that it did not have a line count. But here is a review to cheer you up.  



What I liked most about this piece was the seeming simplicity. You showed your love quite adequately.

I especially enjoyed the vision of those chocolate hearts melting in the pot.


Corrections & comments: My favorite was the third stanza with its mulched and mangled. Very clever wording in this piece. I enjoyed it thoroughly.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Romantic Poetry.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review by Shaara
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Quotation Inspiration (November 2019)

Thanks for entering!



Your Quote was: "You don't take a photograph, you make it." --Ansel Adams





*Smile*  Great job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was that once you warmed up, you really took off. Great writing. I was a little unclear in places, but I think you really have something here. I hope you expand on this, let us see more of the back history than that one little dream. This is really intense.

I especially enjoyed those lovely phrases you gave us: His lips miming as though in silent prayer, for example.


Corrections & comments:

My heart hammers as I swing a glance at my principal, < A school principal? This made me backtrack and I still couldn't make sense of how a rally was taking place in a school. Okay, later the high school marching band is playing, so maybe the politician IS a principal. Now I'm even more confused.

I understand that principal could be used as a chief or head of something, so it probably isn't wrong, but I just thought I'd tell you what stopped me cold in my reading and continued to confuse me as you went along.


. . . a wife and daughter should give him pause, even if a loveless, political marriage. < This sentence feels incomplete. Did you mean: Having a wife and daughter should give him pause, even if it is only a loveless, political marriage.

I screw my face in disgust. Isn't it screw-up my face? Since there is also a pejorative meaning for this verb, you might want to choose another expression?

leaching tension from my shoulders. < I love this phrase!

while he fists a cigar< Also good.

"You thinking, El Patron?" Are you addressing El Patron here? If not, no comma.



I am so glad I got to read this. It really kept me wanting to read.

I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Quotation Inspiration.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






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24
24
Review of Something Clicked  
Review by Shaara
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Quotation Inspiration (November 2019)

Thanks for entering!



Your Quote was: "You don't take a photograph, you make it." --Ansel Adams





*Smile*  Great job! I loved the tale and the pictures that went with it -- but, of course, I can't allow the pictures to influence my judging of the story. (Sigh.) *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was that it took me somewhere I've never been. Not only did I get to go to another country, but I got to learn about postmarks! Great fun.

I especially enjoyed the part about the ride up that hill, which you two didn't realize was a possibility.


Corrections & comments:

They're the inked thingie that give the name of the post office and the dateline, that gives -- the inked thingie is one item, I presume.

I liked this sentence: He's the guardian of the stamp-mark.

I never thought about people collecting postmarks. It was an interesting hobby. If this is a true story, which I bet it is, I hope you have collected lots of them!

I think that a little less "wandering off" would improve this piece. I really liked the beginning, but I would delete "If I put one foot in front of the other, I go one step more, not to the top," I grumble. < For me, that was meandering a bit too much, but maybe that's just me. In the paragraphs that come after that, I'd prune some of the excess, too. Then you could give us some more sensory. What is beneath your feet? What are you wearing? What do you smell? What was that buggy like? etc.



I am so glad I got to read this. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Quotation Inspiration.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
25
25
Review by Shaara
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for Quotation Inspiration (November 2019)

Thanks for entering!



Your Quote was: "You don't take a photograph, you make it." --Ansel Adams





*Smile*  Great job!  *Smile*



What I liked most about this piece was the concept of the digital becoming sentient. I think this idea will play more and more in science fiction.You're a frontrunner.

I especially enjoyed the drone linkage. Very clever.


Corrections & comments:

The first paragraphs don't tell us that you are writing in first person, but since there is no pronoun, it is rather assumed, which means that when you begin the "He endured . . ." it is a little startling. It causes the reader to backtrack, looking for the transition. Who is this HE?

who (whose) cries of life were a welcome diversion from the beeps and boops of the delivery room equipment. < I liked the sound effects!

Be careful of overly long sentences. What follows goes on and on!

Also, watch those pronouns: When the doctor did his final examination of his wife < the doctor's wife is there?

perplexing relief -- do you mean perplexed relief?

ally should be alley, although the second time you spelled it correctly.

autolense -- is that an auto lens?

I hope you both learned you (your)lesson.

As Gigi darted behind Greg and her, calming herself < too many pronouns


I really, really had difficulty adapting to your lack of pronouns/nouns. I hope that is not a future technique. It is not one that I want to adapt to. Sorry. (example: “What do I do now,” still confused by her own awareness." She said, he said, the digital camera said, etc. PLEASE.



This was a creative and imaginative. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




This is an official review from one of the contest judges for

Quotation Inspiration.



Smiles,
S h a a r a






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