this is another great story. these are my personal favorites, partly because of the fictious nature and the mythical creatures that inhabit your story line. dragons are my all time favorite beasts for the protection and fear that they bring. having a story about them is going to bring you much success. i look forward to reading more, and i'd be interested in knowing if you ever pursue the dream of publishing one or all of your stories. i'd buy them!
overall this was a very good story, but i'm not exactly sure if this was within the contest guidelines, but a good read. i will look forward to reading the first story as well. Thank you for entering. Please check out my next contest. Here are your gp's!
wow, you've got guts to compare the navy structure to that of hitler's regime, but i've got to give you credit that i would have done the same thing depending on what the circumstances were. i love that you use their own words agaist them to make your point, for so many people i know just make up stuff to sound important. my only question is how in the world did you manage to survive after turning this in. its great that this was published and even though you couldn't use your name, at least its out there and someone else felt your same passion. who knows, maybe it was catchy and you started something. anyways, i admire you for your creativity, and for your heart. good luck in the future.
hey darren,
i don't see what they are confused about. the fact that you wrote the story from the perspective of the $20 is very unique and i would never have thought of it. this is a great story as the flow of events just goes to show how corrupt everyone truly is. its also interesting to imagine the many lives this $20 has been apart of, and how they got there.
great job!
hey darren,
i just thought i would stop by your port to read some more work from you today.
This an excellent story of irony. its kind of sad, but very true in many cases as i know i've been there trying to think of ways to solve the families financial problems also.
irony is also a very evil too, as you cleary displayed. that would be just my luck too, win the big one finally and never be able to enjoy it.
this story is pretty good and for the most part i enjoyed this one. the only thing that would make this one better is if i knew if it was true. i love true stories about the things that inspire you or that you've experienced. i like the story line to this one pretty well and its easy to follow, and i felt as if i was apart of this story, or at least as if i were watching it on a movie screen. nicely written and hope you do well in this contest and at writing.com. thank you for taking the time to enter.
this is exactly what i was looking for. you told a great story, sad but true, and made me feel as if i took every step of the way with you. i felt the emotions of loosing my grandmother too, all over again reading this. i'm glad that you were able to keep peace throughout the not-so-peaceful time, and overcome your great loss. great job on this story and i look forward to the outcome of this contest!
i found this letter to be very informational, and strikes me curious at the same time, but i will get to that in a minute. your writing and sentence structure is very good. you have a very clear theme and a positive, inspirational, message for all those seeking something real and something to build dreams upon (writing.com) and i can honestly say that i agree 100%. now what i am curious about is that i entered a contest, and two of my other friends entered the same contest as the one you mentioned. we all recieved the same internet messages, and the same mailed messages as the ones you described...my concern is that it maybe a fraud??? don't know and hope not. I cannot afford the trip fees but am very glad to know you are going so i wish you the best of luck to you!
thanks for the opportunity and this was great. the prompt you created was very easy for me to write to. p.s. i would like to know more about helping as a judge if you still need some.
i would say overall this was a well written story. kind of sad and dark but i guess that was the life the character was living. the message of how dark reality can be was very clear and right in your face so to speak, and i think all of us have lived this at one moment or another...all you can do is learn from experience and not take life to serious, and this is from a lesbian from a very small community who was almost outted of her hometown. you just learn to deal with it. anyway, great story. very revealing and emotional.
I too struggle with spirituality. I've always had doubts as well as questions that no one has ever been able to answer. Since I am openly gay and found my partner for life, it has since began to bother me that I sometimes don't feel I have anything to believe in at this point. But maybe true spirituality comes from belief in yourself and knowing that if you wish everything to turn out right, then it will. I have followed much of the buddist beliefs and realize that much of what they are trying to teach is good morals and trusting in yourself. If its meant to be it will be. Know it and believe it!
This was one of those kind of stories that makes you think. At first I wasn't sure what was going on, but when you do realize it, you kind of get sucked into it. I felt like I was there experiencing the same sort of things and going through it all with the characters. I was a little disappointed toward the end. I felt there should have been more...maybe a sequel?
I love your theme and message here. I also loved the way you pull your reader with every line. It was very descriptive and very deep. The progression through time and how the graffti started out to be something of a rebellion and something fun, to something much more meaningful is truely unique. Great work and good luck!
I don't feel their is much that needs to be changed or edited. I truely feel for the characters and they are very relatable. I enjoyed the story very much and want you to know that writing is very clear and descriptive enough to paint a true picture. I enjoyed the story, no matter how sad at points.
Thanks a bunch! I think I understand now. I will try to use it to update my portfolio and hopefully create easier to read material. Feel free to stop by and read the revised material after a bit and earn more points. Again thanks for your help, it is very much appreciated. (EnduReviewerII)
This was one of the saddest things I've ever read. I've never had anyone die in my arms, but I did have a friend that killed herself hours after I seen her, so this story touched me very much and kind of reminded me of things I had almost forgotten. You never forget that type of moment, but some of the feelings being to fade after time....my friend is still very much remembered as I hope your sister is. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. (EnduReviewerII)
I totally respect the men and women out there fighting for our country, and at one time, I too wanted to be apart of this fight. But I also believe that the men and women still here the country, deserve a little credit for all we do here as well. Everyday I go to work to take care of my family to support them and to make sure whatever small but big dreams they have, they one day be able to reach. At least at home I'm fighting for my family because I want to, sometimes it feels like the military men and women are just out there on a whim..because someone else believes there are weapons of mass destruction, or whatever neat little phrase they can think of to create a war. So, NO I don't want to go to war either. (EnduReviewerII)
I love sci-fi, even though you may or may not really intended it that way. I really liked the ending, because it was a very comical ending which you don't usually find in sci-fi. I was a little disappointed that it was so short. I wasn't ready for it to end just yet. I wanted to know more about the commander and the alien, and to see where their newfound friendship would lead....maybe a sequel in the near future?
I really enjoy listening to Billy Joel. So your add ons I could understand. I see the progression through time as a sign that nothing ever changes, good, bad, and indifferent. And no matter what decade it is or what's happening in the world we are all destined to repeat history, since we have not yet learned from it. Its amazing how one man, and yourself truely see that...why can't the rest of the world see that?
(EnduReviewerII)
I think this was a pretty good start to the story, and it was a pretty good introduction to the characters. I would have liked to see a little more developement because even though there is more to read, this section you kind of assumed that you were familiar with the characters. I like the setting and I instantly knew what was happening from the moment I started this section.
This was pretty insightful. When I wrote my first story I wasn't really thinking about who or how it was affecting my aduience. I knew because of the sort of story I wrote, it would only reach a specific group, but at least now having read the above information, with my next story I'll have a better understanding of how the system works, and who most likely will be reading my stories.
Wow! This was unbelievable. It was sad but very moving. I can't believe you wrote a story from the perspective of the person dying. I would never have thought of that. This is probably the most unique story line I've ever read, and I've read many books and other stories. Your writing goes together so well and so smooth, and I didn't find any sentences that didn't flow together. You really should think about entering this one in a contest, maybe one of the newbie contests. You'd surely win something. I'm just so blown away by your style of writing and the fact that you are a newbie. Great job and I wish you much success.
Thank you very much for this site. Since I'm still a little new to this, I'm glad you had this page set up. I was starting to think that there wasn't any way to get real exposure....and here it is. I believe I have written a great story that may still need a little work but at least now everyone else will be able to read it as well. Feel free to read it and give me your suggestions as well.
This story is very well written, and the words flow easily together, however I was a little confused about some parts. First, I started by not really understanding the headings of each new part, but after I realized the sequence of events, it became a little clearer. Secondly, I was a little confused as to what was happening during the story. I could feel Maya's pain, and it was easy to relate to for the most part, however the last paragraph is what confused me...did she kill herself, or am I just misunderstanding it? Please let me know. I read this three separate times, and even had a friend of mine read this particular story, and we both agree your writing is very good. We would love to read more.
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