Wow ,that was really deep and actually vey commical in the end.It was a very enjoyable peice,it was a lot better than you peice on Fatherly love,I must say.I was actually scared when I read the title and whne it was comming up to the end my heart was racing,but oh when I saw the ending I was completely stunned but honestly relieved by the commical release.You may want to check for run on sentences and be wary of punctuations but other than that it was a wonderful read and I fully re-enforce my earlier wishes for you to vontinue in your writing.
Okay,first let me say that was a nice attempt.Obviously you really tried hard to portray this topic,but with that,you may have cut the flow of the poem.All be it the over all thing wasn't completely a waste,but you really umm didn't have the proper formatting for the poem to flow properly. I really don't want to hurt your feelings,but i can't say much in a good sense towards your poem except the fact that i liked the topic and I liked that you tried hard to do it.It was a charming Peice and I would love to see more of your writing,I wish you the best and I hope you apply yourself in other things you do.
keep trying!!! :)
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