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1,056 Public Reviews Given
1,082 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Survival  
Review by s
Rated: E | (2.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I was drawn to this by the simple fact I have been homeless as I write this for 19 months. I thought it would be interesting to see what someone had to say about the matter.

This did not say a lot. Assumptions were made about drug-taking (most homeless I have encountered can't afford drugs) and then the whole topic changed to your gambling addiction. It did not follow any logical path.

Being one paragraph certainly did not help. It makes it hard to follow where you are going. You use repeated phrases that did not need to be repeated (e.g. "these days") and random capitalisation. The punctuation seemed okay, but sentence structure was not varied either.

If anything, this came across as a stream of consciousness piece of writing, and I don't think that was what you were going for.

Sorry, but I was hoping for something promised by the title that I did not get.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A story with a very definite moral, the sort of fairy tale-like story that would appeal to children, as that is one of your chosen genres.

As a children's story, the lack of show (as opposed to tell) can be excused, but I feel this would have done much better with some showing of what was going on. However, the jumps are too great. There is no build, just event, event, event. It could do with some slowing down.

On a technical note, there were a lot of errors that a thorough edit would have corrected, especially misused capital letters. There was a verb tense change from the start that did not make sense. Also, every single time there is a new person speaking or doing something, there should be a new paragraph. The paragraphing in general felt perfunctory at best.

And then there is the ending. That last sentence makes this no longer a children's story.

This was an interesting story, and something that could be melded into a decent moral tale for children, but it does feel like a first draft.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of Last Breath  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I read this through a few times, and it feels like it is missing a piece.

Technically, this was fine, except the ellipsis has three dot - "..." - not a line of them. You also had this down as a monologue. It's a duologue; monologue is one person talking.

But the whole thing was told. there was no show. If this was a conversation, the entire opening paragraph could have been better depicted in their words. And the ending felt too sudden. One saved another so he became aq villain? That makes no sense.

Sorry, but the idea of the hero and villain dying together and having their final conversation with one another is such an intriguing concept, and you have a good basis here, but it just lacks that punch.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of A Daily Ritual  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have read quite a few of your pieces relating what you went through at school. Now, I am assuming it is autobiographical, and if not, I apologise, but this short piece puts the emotions into stark relief. The use of emotional words - embarrassed, horrified. frenetic, et al. - so frequently and with only the context of "squeeze into my girdle" really make this feel raw.

You utilised the poetic form well, and this is a strong poem, no matter how brief the form is.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review of Lights Out  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Okay, I need to start first of all with this: this was a really, really tough read. The lack of paragraphs and lack of punctuation, plus poor punctuation usage made it tough to go through. Often I had to re-read to make sure what I was reading was what I thought I was reading, making sense of what was before me, and a few times I remained lost. Plus the odd misplaced word (e.g. "said" for "side"), and this was awkward.

This also affected the impact I think you were hoping to make with the creature and horror of the tale. It muted everything and did not allow the reader to become immersed in the story.

Now, as to the story itself, the thing that worked really well was your constant use of counting and numbers. It put forth a character trait of the main character that also worked in well with the horror that you were trying to impart. This little thing is something that shows you have a grasp of what can work to engage a reader in the story beats, and it did help to keep me reading through where I might otherwise have given up.

So, this needs a lot of work to make it presentable to a wider audience, but the story is definitely there that can be worked on and made into something better.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of I never Knew  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


It's me, back again.

This is a simple poem about learning, and unfortunately often learning things the hard way.

Now, I read poems out loud to get a feel for them. The lack of a constant syllable count did not harm this, despite the rhyme, and I think that comes down to the repeated phrase "I never knew..." That makes this feel like it is a series of thoughts, and the rhythm is not necessary.

However, the rhyme is an issue. Lines 1 & 2 rhyme, 3 & 4 rhyme, 7 & 8 rhyme (though it is forced). That makes lines 5 & 6 stand out because they are just there. No, the last 2 lines do not matter because they are the denouement, the tying ending of the poem, a sad coda.

It's a shame, because the rest of the poem works well as a look back that is, really, slightly depressing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review of The Rat  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


The bane of many a person - the rodent at night. This is a good little poem about not coping well with such an intruder, the constant noise and trouble being caused.

However, there were a lot of words that were used incorrectly, and it made the poem jar and removed the sense of the words.

Making the floors - Making the floors? Making them what?
Penatrading - Penetrating?
ear-lids - eye-lids?
He shirked - He shrieked?
Callamating - not sure what this means

However:
a posse of noise - this is a great metaphor!

I read poetry out loud to get a feel for it, and the repeated lines "It was because of that/The rat" do well in tying it all together. It is not difficult to read and make sense of orally.

Anyway, that is how I read it, and remember this is one person's opinion.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Thought I'd give you a second anniversary review; it seems only fair as you tend to like my posts.

As something of a fan of fantasy, this caught my eye, and being recent also helped. A good story of magic being used indirectly, not to harm, but to discover. This is something more fantasy writers should be looking at - magic is not a weapon but a tool.

Technically, there were a few misplaced capital letters, and one place where two sentence fragments should have been joined, but otherwise quite good.

I did like putting the cat's thoughts in square brackets; it helped differentiate them. I might have also used italics, but that is a personal preference, not a dictate.

Storywise, it did feel there were two jumps. Firs was the initial use of magic to enter the cat's memories. I think a little more detail of the cat's reluctance and the difficulty in performing what is a serious connection would have added to the tension this sort of story needs.

The second was how quickly Emilda was granted access to the royal family at a time of mourning. If she was known and maybe even feared, then I feel this could have been made more explicit. Being picky, the third was how quickly the guilty party capitulated, but that is in every cop show on TV as well, so it's just a personal nitpick.

Now, I know the bolded words are compulsory for the contest/activity, but once it is over, I would suggest you get rid of the baseball glove reference and Babe Ruth, et al., and just use a normal glove.

This feels like it could easily be expanded into a good-sized fantasy short story, with lots of tension and "will they/won't they succeed" elements throughout.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of MATCHBOX UNDIES  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Well, I misunderstood this from the title!

This was an interesting vignette about a childhood that is rather normal in so many ways. The doll being a constant companion was something I saw in the 1970s and 1980s with my own sisters.

The idea of a grandmother making clothing, including underwear, for the dolls also rings true. My mother has done the same thing for my daughter and niece. But the underwear! That was something I was not expecting nor would have thought of.

This was quite the cute story.

Technically, there were a few things with punctuation that I would change, but I am not sure of cultural or educational differences between us, so I'll let it be.

I think the only thing missing was how did you feel when you got the Barbie clothing? And then when you couldn't find the underwear? Did you feel like you'd let your grandma down or something like that? It just felt muted emotionally, when there could have been more exploration of the "you" in the anecdote.

This was a fun little look back; thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary month!

Looking at your port, this highlighted item caught my attention and, reading it, I was captivated. This hits emotions I can unfortunately relate to, break-ups that were delayed, but were inevitable.

The style ran smoothly and the metaphors (infinite shards was nice) worked well, and keeping thoughts light and frivolous seems a good way to go. But that did mean there felt like a slight lack of emotion, about your deeper feelings here, how you really feel if not about the person, about the situation.

But, like I said, I can relate to it all too well.

Thankyou for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of My First Concert  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I know this is around 10 years old, but looking through your port for an anniversary review, being a music nerd, I was attracted to the subject.

If this is real, I am jealous - you got to see the Beatles!

This is such a loving look back at that heady time of childhood. You captured that innocence and naivete that comes with youth well, and gave a simply detailed account, one probably blurred by the passage of time.

Technically, there were a few places where the punctuation didn't quite work, creating run-on sentences. But the rest was fine.

I think it is also lacking some more of the emotion from your point of view. The excitement was there at the start, but at the end it was more just a reminiscence, muted by time. I think maintaining that sense of wonder throughout would have upped it; even trying to march to the dressing rooms and being stopped by the police felt muted, no more than a school event.

But that is only one person's opinion.

Thank you for sharing this great memory.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


What a pleasant memory to have, the Thanksgiving family meal. That is something that we don't have in Australia - family meals are generally reserved for Christmas or Easter. What interested me about this piece, though, was that the memories that stuck the most were peripherals - travelling, reading, a breakfast - and not the Thanksgiving meal itself, not the conversations, not catching up with the grandparents. It made for a different sort of vignette.

Technically, there is nothing I could see out of place, and it flowed well as all good anecdotes should.

Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This read like a fairy tale, and for this sort of story and the flash fiction length, that is fine. The show not tell mantra does not fit in this sort of tale.

I did not get the opening. She could create gold? Her husband used her and she had no children? I get the leprechaun was giving her what she wanted, and twisting it, but those opening incidents did not make a lot of sense to me. The story did not feel like it started until the king was involved. I did see the ending coming, but that did not mean it was not effective. The leprechaun twisting the narrator's wishes did make him evil, so that was well done.

Technically, a few issues with punctuation were dotted throughout; a thorough edit would have cleared a lot of that up.

Thank you for participating and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, that didn't go where I thought it was going to go!

The atmosphere you created at the start was perfect, that mixture of darkness and light, and having Niall at the cusp of both was well done. The description of the leprechaun gave off menace as much as the request he made, and I liked the idea of the hole being a "tear" in reality.

I think the only issue I had was that the leprechaun did not seem evil, per se, more opportunistic and akin to the sea-witch in the original fairy-tale of the Little Mermaid. Niall sought him out, Niall agreed to his deal - there was no subterfuge.

The thing is, though, the story was really well done, the technical side of it was clean, and it was 666 words long.

Well done, and thanks for participating!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of Malachi  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, he was certainly evil!

The story of a leprechaun growing progressively angrier and more frustrated made sense, but... That was quite the turn, to go from being paranoid and frustrated to suddenly attacking things with a machete. And why a machete? Would he use an Irish weapon like a claideamh or scian? Or even a cudgel and beat them to death? Make it more whimsical, like shoving 4-leaf clovers in their throats till they died? The jump felt like it was too great, and did not feel leprechaunish.

Technically, there were a few places where a semi-colon would have served better than a comma, but mostly it was clean.

You followed the prompt well, and it was 666 words, so no issues there.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
The story was one of subtlety, the trickster leprechaun being revealed as evil only at the end. Using human greed was a good way of getting close to a victim.

Now, the story - what was the man at the start about? This was the boy and the leprechaun, then his father. The man at the start was just there and, in a story of such limited word count, served no purpose.

Technically, there are a lot of issues with punctuation, especially direct speech. It did make it hard to work out what was going on at time.

The prompt was followed well - the use of trickery before becoming a beast was well done - and it is 666 words.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review of Carrick Fergus  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This reads like the sort of myth that explains an aspect of the world so common in the books I read as a child. You have told the story in that style perfectly; show not tell does not matter in this form of writing. It is almost fairy tale like in tone.

You followed the prompt perfectly - the first of leprechauns as we known them was evil and nasty, and it is 666 words long.

Cannot fault this. As usual, your entry to my contest is of the highest quality.

Thanks for participating.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review of Rate Yourself!  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


What a fascinating look as self-identification as a writer. I think the addition of the half-stars would only muddy the waters and make it more difficult to choose; this way it is more definite.

I like the way you have not ever-explained the poll or the4 concept. You have just set it out in a minimum of words and let the results fall where they may.

When it comes to the results, I guessed that 5 and 1 star ratings would be at the bottom, but more judged themselves in that area than I would have thought. But I was intrigued to see that the majority judge themselves above average. For what it's worth, I gave myself 3 stars.

Still, I think this is an interesting poll and the results really make me think.

Nicely done.
19
19
Review of My Reality  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Your autobiography in less than 2000 words - well done!

Technically, this was strong; I couldn't find anything amiss. Well done!

As to the content, while I understand you just wanted to get the details down and tell the reader about how you reached the current point in your life, it did feel flat at times. How did you feel when you received that final diagnosis? How about when you realised you shared it with van Gogh? Going back earlier, how did you cope with that sense of isolation in your early schooling? What was it like at home? How did you feel reading something not the Bible or an encyclopaedia? All of that would have made this feel more personal. I think what I wanted was a bit more of you, not just the outline but to get to know you.

You've had an interesting and different life to that which most of us can relate to. Maybe I'm greedy, but I wanted to know more.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this in the 'Read and Review' tab, and was drawn to it.

The sense of melancholy is well established about the piece.

One a story beat take, though, if no-one is entering the room, how is the clock still ticking after "decades"? Wouldn't there be rodents or some insects established in the room, especially if the window is broken? Why leave a broken window uncovered, even if from the outside? These things kept drawing me out. I know what you were going for, but the leaps of logic did hurt a little.

However, phrases like "silent promise" do evoke a sense of the dread and pain of the place. Your use of language is nicely done.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review of Rush Week  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, this was an intense story. There was a sort of inevitability about the outcome, though, which did lessen things for me.

The only technical thing (if it could be called that) was the use of the phrase: "confined space" in para 4 - it isn't needed as you've already mentioned it.

However, I think the biggest thing was there was no sense of panic growing throughout the story. He seemed so calm as ripped the casket apart. Where was the growing sense things would not have been all as it seemed? We got a little of his feelings, but what about his physical sensations - caskets are not big (yes, I've slept in one) and movement is not easy - and the smells? It was quite muted and yet it has the hint of being something so much more intense.

Sorry if this seems negative., because the story itself is a strong one. It's just that I found it hard to feel anything.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review of Unanchored.  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Tracker recommended this on her Newsfeed, so I thought I'd give it a read and I am glad I did. You managed to get a real sense of emotion in this piece about the passing of a loving companion. The descriptions include more than just emotion, but also Gracie's actions.

The only thing that felt a little muted was the lack of things like feel and smell. The fur was described, but there could have been other sensations about the weight of the pet as the end neared, the tongue on your skin, etc.

Technically, I found nothing wrong, very clean, and I always like that.

So, my complaint is very nit-picky because this is a well-written and heart-felt piece.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting poem, one which does not pick a side, but indicates that atrocities could occur at any time from any angle when it comes to war and those fighting. It does not lionise the soldiers, but wonders why they do what they do.

Its message is string, especially the repeated stanza that ends "...less than human beings."

Now, I read poetry out loud, and this felt like it wanted to have a rhyme scheme. Some are forced - Jews/refuse (this is pronounced ref-you-ss, not ree-fyooz), for example - but most work well. However, that sense of rhyme demands a rhythm, and the varied syllable count made it awkward to say it.

Of course, this is just one person's opinion, and if you were going for a different poetic form, I apologise.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary!

I am a sucker for flash fiction, and so was drawn to this folder and just went for the first one in the line.

Technically, this is great. Everything is done well, and it is a pleasure to read something so clean.

The story itself is a nice twist on the police procedural. However, you gave away the ending when you mentioned there were ten ladies and the cop was looking for ten birds. If the number is the one clue, I think it should be a lot more subtle. Fine women sitting at a table, four on comfortable chairs and one serving him everything, that sort of thing. It did make the ending not as impactful as it might have been.

Apart from that, really strong tale.

Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review of Omen  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I do like an open-ended horror story!

This one, taking a common sight throughout the 1990s and turning it into something nasty, is a great concept. And then having the bad guy get caught... but... works so well.

However, there are some thing I think could help make this stronger.

First, technically - you start with jumps in verb tenses everywhere before settling on past tense. Stick with past, it works. As it is, it confuses the opening.

Next is that this is a lot of tell and not enough show. you show us at the start, using emotions, and again at the end, but the meat of the story is just reporting the events. Focus in a lot more on the fear of the narrator. Build things up... then give us that sense of relief when the bad guy is caught... and then you can really hit it home in the ending. At the moment, there is no emotional peg on which the reader can rest.

So, this is a strong story, but I feel it can be made even more intense.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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