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640 Public Reviews Given
640 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Jeff, I found this story on Read and Review. I’m pleased I did because I enjoyed every word and was just sorry it ended as it did, that was my only complaint. Was this written as a chapter or perhaps as an idea you had for a novel?
It flowed really well from the start to the finish. It held me in suspense the whole time but as I said previously it had too many questions without answers. 1. Who was the boy? 2. Why would the men have hurt him? 3. Who were all those men? 4. Why did the narrator end with : “the last thing I remember…?
Well written, but too frustrating.
Sue


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2
2
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Kathleen, I see you’re a newcomer to WdC, but certainly not to writing. You’re very welcome here and I hope you get whatever it is you’re interested in. Whether it be a place to show your work or to comment and assist others in theirs.
When looking for something to review I must admit I usually bypass poems. But this poem, ‘The stuff of virtue, stopped me in my tracks. Why? Because this is a gripe of mine, people who preach to anyone who’ll listen but behind closed doors they’re little more than, as you so profoundly state: stone busts again.
I love the language you have used in this poem. It led me to wonder if this same people, who are appear so pious, practice what they preach. Are they truly as virtuous as they seem?
The two stanzas complimented each other perfectly. Thank you for sharing your work.


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3
3
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for a wonderful story and a taste of the greatest show on earth, as the circus is known. You took me on a ride, I was wondering what Nico had in store for Rachel. Poor Rachel not only blinded by a silk scarf, she was blinded by love.
I laughed at the sentence about the bearded lady. He suggested he’d shave her and she could stand in for the unfortunate Natasha.
The last paragraph had me concerned for poor Rachel though as you wrote that was the last thing she remembered. I hope it was because of fainting and not being killed by an incompetent knife thrower.
You fulfilled the prompt perfectly and it was a well deserved win.
This was written so long ago, 22years! You must have been one of the original members of WdC. How it must have changed since then. I’m going to visit your portfolio and see what you’re up to these days. Thank you for a great read, I throughly enjoyed it.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Jim's So Fat  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Jim, well done for having a crack at writing a Limerick. I could hazard a guess and say you decided to place yourself as the butt of the joke.
Limericks are really difficult poems to write, I know from my past failures to do so. They seem on first glance to be a simple poem but the rules are there and must be followed, so say the sticklers.
I enjoyed the poem’s content very much, although try as I might I couldn’t get the lines to flow when saying them out aloud.
But that aside it made me smile. Thank you for that, Jim.
Good luck in the contest and I hope you had fun writing.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Am I Obsessed?  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jackson, I know a little of how you were feeling when you were exploring your ancestors. I dabbled, as have many people, and that feeling when you see a relative’s name crop up on a census form is truly exciting. Your mind goes to that night of the census so long ago and imagines their home and what they were spending the evening doing. What were their thoughts on the census? Were all the family at home? Did they have a visitor whose name needed to be included?. How amazing it would be to travel back in time, perhaps to 1910, and be a fly on the wall.
So no, I think it’s far from being an obsession but a natural urge to want to feel connected to a family who never even knew that one day you’d exist and want to be a part of that evening in 1910 and to say Hi.


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6
6
Review of My Life to Date  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, I read this story in the Senior Centre Forum.
As a dog person rather than a cat one, I’m not an aficionado on the behaviour of the feline species. People in the past have told me about the selfish nature of cats and that’s why they never appealed as a pet.
This story has only served to reinforce that belief.
I loved the way it was written from the cat’s point of view and as the story and the age of the cat progressed humans were found to be of more use.
This particular cat was undoubtedly particularly selfish, even to the point of thinking only of his stomach when his ‘owner,’ had the audacity to die before feeding him.
I liked the way you showed the cat’s simple assessment of time passing. The years passed; sometimes warm, sometimes cold.
At last he finds someone very much like himself and the two curmudgeons see out their days together.
It’s a really delightful tale, Loyd, just as I have come to always expect from you.
Sue



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I came across this story in Read and Review and I’m pleased I did. For so few words you told quite a story. It reminded me of a piece of writing from the mind of Dickens when I first began to read.
The first line set the scene. A boy in the process of being banished from his home, a bag of money and a key. It was a good first line, informing the reader the story takes place in a much earlier era than today.
You give no age to the boy, so I’m having to presume he’s old enough to survive without the care of his benefactor.
I was intrigued as to what the deed or secret the boy promised he wouldn’t reveal. One could sense the feelings of injustice he felt. He had thought he could be trusted with the knowledge of the priest’s misdeed but had been proved wrong.
However he was to get his revenge in the end.
I liked the way you left space between the paragraphs making it easy to read and comprehend. The dialogue was good.
You did mention the room was adequate twice in such a short story. Perhaps you could change one of them for another descriptive word.
Thank you for sharing this charming tale.
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review by Sumojo
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, thank you for a good read. I was pleased the anomaly finished Jim off. Good riddance.
Cheers Sue
9
9
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, well now, he pulled it off! Both chapters 29 and 30 were gripping, and very well written. There’s very little I need to say. I was thinking the whole time something was sure to go wrong, but was pleasantly surprised.
I’m not sure if you still want me to pick up any typos or not. Please let me know. But there was just one word missing from this sentence :
The audience quieted and began sitting back in their seats and Gary was ushered back up on stage where he faced the judges one last time


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, thank you for a great read so far. I’ve finished chapter 28 and was enthralled by that chapter. Gary’s performance put me on edge and hoping he’d pull it off. You described the act and showed the energy it took Gary to complete it brilliantly. Each time the anomaly appears, even though you don’t over exaggerate the horror of the thing, it makes me feel very uneasy. The very fact of causing such a reaction in your reader means you’re doing a great job. I was all set to read chapter 29 and was disappointed to find it wasn’t yet uploaded. So great job, Loyd.
No typos found.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, Oh boy, you killed poor Lacey off! That was a shock.
I’ve finished reading chapters 25 and 26.
There was a typo in chapter 25 that needs attention. You wrote about the venue being unable to keep the camera at the back door in working order but were able to keep the cameras in the casino running to catch cheaters.
But you wrote they COULD keep the cameras working at the door instead of COULDN’T.
In chapter 26 one typo that I picked up: Richardson's blasresponse was unsettling

I could sense Gary’s anxiety as he is becomes more concerned about Cherie’s cool attitude toward him. It’s certainly a breakthrough for this character as he previously wouldn’t have even noticed a change in demeanour in anyone. I’m beginning to like Gary more in every chapter.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, just to let you know I’m still reading a few chapters when I have time. I liked chapter 23 although it doesn’t progress the story in any meaningful way, I enjoyed Harriman’s obvious discomfort and unease after the attack and his puzzlement over why he’d been so afraid when disturbed under the stage.
I enjoyed the interaction between Cherie and Gary, I believed you nailed the manner of the way a women goes shopping when she’s not really shopping, 🤗 and the way most men find it hard to understand. Perhaps you’ve been there?
Only one typo in chapter 23: police office.{/} I think you meant police officer.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Carly, a beautiful, thoughtful entry as usual from you.
There are some really gorgeous lines in there that I particularly liked.
Dipped our toes into the future for instance. That line says so much, it describes the way the young dare to take those first tentative steps as they leave adolescence behind.
The fourth stanza is just so thoughtful. It says to me that when considering moving forward, perhaps a little unsure, one can think of times gone past when one succeeded and it inspires that they can do it once more.
Thank you for sharing this poem, Carly, it’s an inspirational piece of writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hi, Loyd, I’ve just finished reading chapters 21-22. The only thing I can remark on in 21 was the fact I learned a new phrase: enochlophobia-inducing, impressive.😂
Chapter 22: As usual the pace continues with no unnecessary paragraphs. I’m really still enjoying how things are progressing especially the fact the anomaly may be sentient. That really took me by surprise.
I found two typos in 22: My surveillance was plan was solid and
pealing grey paint.
The scene where Lacy tries to recover after the attack was particularly well written I thought because that is exactly how she would have felt after being hit on the head with a chunk of wood.




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15
15
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, I’ve read chapters 17-20 and enjoyed them very much. Gary is doing better than I thought and he and Cherie are beginning to understand and get more comfortable with each other. Obviously things are going too well and there must be a ‘spanner in the works,’ soon about to happen. I suppose what I need to say is you have kept my interest in every chapter so far and I’m keen to continue reading.
The only thing which keeps bugging me is the word fianc and what ever word comes next being joined without a gap: is your fianchere tonight?"Although I know you did say you were going to rectify the word.


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16
16
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, this is a great chapter. Jim certainly went the whole nine yards to get his hand on the secret behind Gary’s trick. I wasn’t surprised he was good with locks, being an illusionist, but that he was such a thorough searcher. He looked in places I’d never dream of looking, it was as if he’d previously worked for the police department.
I really liked the simile used in this paragraph: Being the first magician to work out a new type of illusion was like being chum in shark-infested waters. The others circled and attacked until they all had a piece of it.
…realized his machine-made cards… You don’t need the hyphen here.
When Jim attempts to destroy the helmet it was as much a surprise to me to read what happened next as it was to poor Jim!


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17
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Review of Sober Life  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Wanda Jane,
This poem is profound in its simplicity. It began in a lighthearted way and yet the subject matter is a serious one. Especially so for those people who struggle with dependency each day. The poem is one of success though, yet doesn’t reveal the real truth of the almighty struggle to achieve that success. I have seen firsthand that struggle and also seen the failures and back sliding which occurs along the journey.

realize that all my pain,

was really the birth pang

Of who I always have been,

the spirit hiding within

Hidden behind delusion,

awaiting this conclusion


These last six lines brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you so much for sharing something so personal.
Sue.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Sweet Teeth  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Marushka, what a delightful, delicious, baring of your soul. I hope you feel cleansed after sharing your vice. I can understand and commiserate, it’s unfair that bowls of temptation are scattered around just asking to be trialled, tested and tasted. Why else would they be there? And if there are those who don’t wish to participate or partake, then more for those who do, I say.
Sugar. Even the word sounds sweet. Chocolate. Melts in your mouth leaving that taste of perfection lingering, leaving one longing for more.
Cake. The very word: cake, leaves me with memories of birthdays, Christmas and celebrations.
Oh, but let’s come down to earth shall we? It’s poison! Well yes, but what a way to go. Death by chocolate, suicide by sugar, yes but very slowly.
I should thank you for an entertaining piece of writing, but all you’ve done is make my own desire for the sweet things in life even stronger.
Good luck with your New Years Resolution. I don’t think I’ll be joining you, well not this year.


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19
19
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, I enjoyed reading this chapter. It shows Gary’s perception and ability to switch on to the threads is increasing in strength.
I certainly felt his fear, fear of what he was observing and also of what he thought might happen to his friend. One paragraph took me completely out of the story though: Earlier physicists, Young and Fresnel, had assumed an invisible medium called ether and had laid a solid mathematical groundwork attempting to define it as unmoving in space. While this effort had proven fruitless, their math had been the foundation on which Einstein built his Theory of Relativity. I think this piece of information isn’t necessarily in the correct place in the text, indeed if it was necessary at all. As a reader I dislike being taken out of what is happening at the time, it’s like a jolt which tells me, “Oh yes, I’m reading a fictitious story.” Perhaps it’s just my preference and your other proof readers didn’t mind. (If the factual information contained in that paragraph is important enough to make the whole story more plausible, then it could be placed as an addendum at the end of the book?)
Gary showed by his interaction with Phang, he is capable of a long term attachment with someone, which is reassuring as I really want to like him.


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20
20
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, it’s all getting very interesting and this reader is keen to know what happens next. I had one little problem trying to visualise this scene: She walked around in front of him and faced him. She grabbed the front of his t-shirt and put her right foot on top of his left foot. She pulled herself up and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Any trouble supporting me?"
"You hurt my foot when you climbed up."
"That's not important. Do you have any trouble supporting me?"
"No."
"We can work with this."
Gary didn't notice the anomaly next to the front door of the apartment. There was no fear this time. He also didn't notice that it moved horizontally across the room. He did notice Cherie's hands around his neck, the shampoo scent of her freshly-washed hair just below his chin, and her breasts resting against his stomach.

There were two things the first being the anomaly next to the front door. You don’t really explain clearly what the anomaly is and what you’re talking about.
The second is when you wrote her breasts were resting on his stomach. I can’t visualise that. Do mean his chest? She had her arms around his neck so her breasts would have been level with his chest. Not unless she had very droopy breasts.
I’ll go and read the next chapter now.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi again, Loyd, I’m continuing to read through your chapters of Invisible Threads and I must say I’m enjoying it immensely. Your characters are coming to life for me now.
Chapter nine:
The word fianc really made me stop reading. The word is fiancé for a male and fiancée for a female, meaning to be engaged to be married. I googled fianc and discovered although it is the shortened version of the previous two, it’s not normally used except maybe casually in a text message. On the following line you had the two words: fiancfor running together. Fiancé for is what you meant to write.
Chapter 10. I loved the comedic dialogue between Cherie and Gary.
Chapter 11:
Just a typo: laughingstock: no space between the two words.
Again the last few lines caused me to finish this chapter with a smile.
Sue



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22
22
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, I read Chapter six before reading this chapter. I’m enjoying the ride and keen to carry on reading. The story is moving on naturally and there’s no superfluous paragraphs.
I really have no criticism of either chapters. Again I must say how much I’m enjoying the dialogue’s natural flow.
You do well to explain what is happening as regards the brain’s reaction with the helmet; the colours and what each represents.
Looking forward to chapter eight.
Sue.


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23
23
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Kare, congratulations on third place in the Bard’s Hall January contest.
I liked your entry, especially knowing you’d been homeless at some time in your life, I felt as if you knew from personal experience how the man in the hat, sitting on a park bench, felt.
I liked the reference to not wanting to beg, he was thinking of a hot drink but too proud to go to a friend whom he knew would assist. The homeless man was grateful for the coat but never forgot where it had come from, remembering the previous owner fondly.
The story surely came from your experience as a homeless person and the words seemed genuine, from a place known to the writer only too well.
Good job.
Sue


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24
24
Review of Forty Words  
for entry "02/06/2024 - Despair'
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Hope, I’m reviewing this poem for I Write in 24.
The first line took me to a room at a funeral parlour. The mood is sombre. The flowers make the space feel suffocating and their fragrance isn’t pleasant and floral, but sweet; a sickening, cloying sweetness which overpowers the odour of death.

People are speaking in lowered voices, even those whose laughter would normally be outlandish, they too feel the solemnity of the occasion and they reign in their joviality.

You write about the vacuum the departed person has left behind, leaving not an emptiness but as if the air itself is filled with their presence, making even the very atom molecules feel heavy as lead. That air has made its way into your throat and left a lump of sorrow just like a lump of lead too.
I’m unsure of the reason you wrote this and for which contest you may have entered it, but you mentioned a condensation of thought in your introduction. That was a great description of the six scant lines which yet told a complete story.
Well done.


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25
25
Review of Teddy  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, David, I came across your poem in the Read and Review section.
I was drawn to read your poem simply because of the title. It’s a very simple title but I’m pleased you decided on simply Teddy because the name will conjure up an image of a teddy bear to many who once owned one as a child.
My daughter, who is now 55years old, has one such toy, a Teddy called little Ted. He’s one eyed, battered and threadbare and yet he’s a treasured item in our family.
Of course you weren’t writing about a stuffed toy were you? You were comparing yourself to a toy which has outgrown its usefulness, a toy cast aside for something brighter, newer, more exciting.
I think we all must feel like that sometimes and the comparison is a good one. There will always be another who appears to have better prospects or is willing to spend money wining and dining. But the shine often wears off and the old and familiar becomes desirable once more.
Hopefully your loyalty and patience will be noted and the love will spark anew.


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