Very cool!
My only suggestion is the begining. I understand we are to get to know the two main characters and their backround to feel the emotion of what was happening but, what I have learned is to start out your story with something that is going to pull the reader in. If the begining doesn't grab the reader, they will never get through the rest. I had skimmed the begining fairly quickly then got to the "good parts". I feel the begining was important but maybe could be placed (as a flashback maybe) someplace else in the story.
I thought the entire story as a whole was very well written and entertaining. I would like to read more of your work.
Thanks!
Tammy
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/t.r.esposito
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.25 seconds at 4:38pm on Apr 19, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
