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40 Public Reviews Given
40 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Mostly short, concise, and as positive as possible. I'm not much for being a grammar nazi so it's more about the feel of things for me.
I'm good at...
Letting a writer know about how I feel as a reader. If something doesn't quite flow right for my tastes...that's what I will say. If a question pops up while I am reading, I'll mention it.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, some Sci Fi, horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, poetry
Favorite Item Types
Novel chapters
I will not review...
Poetry. Mostly because I wouldn't really know good from bad.
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (4.5)
Here's the donation I promised since no one responded to my closing of the Pantser's Comedy Contest.
2
2
Review of Charley's Story  
In affiliation with "Pantsers" United  
Rated: E | (3.5)
First off, let me say that I am a guy who reviews based more on the "feel" of a piece than anything as far as grammar. I leave that stuff to someone more qualified than myself.

What I will do, though, is to point out things that force me to stop reading. The thing that does that to me more often than anything else is a sentence that seems a little clunky in the middle of an otherwise well written sequence.

This sentence is an example of that kind of thing..."He moved quickly picked up his pace to avoid him he did not want a confrontation this morning."

I like the idea behind this, but it looks like you should have split up the sentence or used different wording. Maybe it was just something that was missed during editing, because otherwise, the paragraph that sentence is in is really good.

Another sentence..." He missed Mike deeply, but this was the reality of life on the streets, people come into your life and often are just disappear or are ripped from your life for one reason or another."

The main thing that I had an issue with (and I didn't have the time to get through the whole piece which I will try to remedy sometime int he next couple of days) is that I couldn't quite figure out what kind of world this was.

The MC seems to be living in a park. Or is it a building in the park? Is this a world where a war occurred? It seems kind of muddled to me.

I really like the idea of the story so far. I just think it needs some polish and a little more clarification as far as what is going on at the beginning. Maybe you have cleared things up a bit later in the piece and I haven't gotten there yet.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of The Book of Mary  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Ok. This is a rather long piece, but I am going to give it a shot. I am more of a "feel" reviewer than I am a "grammar nazi". If I see something that jumps out at me, as a reader, I'll let ya know about it...like this line....

"The last thing Mary remembers was the ice cold floor that her face slammed into as her body became unresponsive and refused to move."

Remembers/was should be, unless you intended the tense switch, be written as "remembers is" or "remembered was". No big deal. Very minor detail. *Smile*

There are a couple of other, minor things that I am not going to mention because, like I said, that's not what I do.

This piece has a very good flow and a very creepy vibe to it. You did a great job of translating Mary's fear into words and allowing the reader to feel some of what she was going through.

This is a very nice piece of work. You say that you have no training in writing, but let me say this...all the reading you have done through the years has served you pretty well. You have a good grasp on pacing and how to get a reader to relate to your characters. Those are very important because there are tools to help with the editing, the ability to tell a good story is one that they have yet to come up with a tool for.

Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of Trail's End  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I have to tell you that I am a "feel" kind of reader/reviewer. What emotions can a story stir in me while I read it? How does the author convey emotion into prose?

Let me address the first of those questions. As I was reading, a tear came to my eye because, even though I couldn't personally relate to what was happening with his little girl, I COULD imagine how I would feel if I found myself in that kind of situation.I have two children. 1 grown daughter and 1 almost 3 year old boy. Having something happen to either of them would cause me immeasurable pain. So your story hit me hard, but in a very good way.

As far as the second question, I think you did an incredible job or translating emotional pain into words. That is usually not an easy thing to pull off.

I am usually not one for handing out effusive praise. I do think this story deserves it, though.

Excellent work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
First things first...I very much enjoyed this.

One of the major things I look for when I want to do a review is how a piece makes me "feel" when I read it. I found myself being able to relate to the ineptitude of the main character and feeling the near helplessness found in that state.

The piece was touching, in a very humorous way.

There were no glaring grammar problems. And even if there were, I probably wouldn't be the one to mention them simply because I really enjoyed reading this.

I will definitely be taking the time to read more of your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of Igor The Bovine  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I honestly have to say that I am one who doesn't remember the Igor lead world. LOL

Nicely done. This piece is pretty funny, with just enough satire to keep it lively.

There are only a couple of things that could use (in my opinion) a little work.

One. The repetitive use of the word "Cow" around the beginning of the piece. After the first couple of times, it really isn't necessary to use the word as much as you did. The reader can figure it out.

Also..using the name as often as you do. Again, the reader has, by the end of the first few lines, established the fact that the cow was named Igor.

Other than that, I really liked this particular piece.
7
7
Review of Changing Fate  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
"Maddison gasped at her fathers telepathic words."

That line feels just a little bit clunky to me. Perhaps a little different wording.Maybe mentioning that no matter how many times he sent her a message that way, it always surprised her.

"Maddison was exhilarated by the amount of wildlife in the beautiful scenery."

Again...just a little clunky. Maybe...As she always did, Maddison looked around her and felt the exhilaration of seeing the sheer beauty and abundance of wildlife around her.

"Suddenly they spotted the temple through the blanket of leaves."

Is the temple built underground? A "blanket" of leaves would indicate that the leaves were on the ground.

These are the things that jumped out at me as I was reading.

But..on the positive side...

The story idea itself is a good one so far. I think you did a good job of pulling the reader in despite the prose needing some polish.

I am more of a "feel" reader than a grammar nazi and the feel I got from it was good enough to make me want to read more.

I am giving three stars with the caveat that with a little polish, this piece would get another star from me. *Smile*

Hope this helps.

Scott
8
8
Review of Better Off Dead  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
First things first. I liked this story. It was pretty well paced and the characters were pretty well set up.

There were a couple of spots that seemed a bit clunky to me. But that may just be a product of me not reading them correctly. The description of the process of strangulation I found very lacking. Just sneaking up on the guard and holding a rope to his neck really wouldn't do the trick. You may have been trying to make the violence of that scene be a little understated, but considering what happens later on, I couldn't fathom why that would be. A savvy reader wouldn't accept that kind of evasive writing. You bash Adriana's head in...but with the guard and, later on, with Shell...you tiptoe around the violence. In my opinion, you would be better served to be consistent with the kind of language you choose to use to describe scenes such as those.

Please don't think that I am a big fan of gore and that's why I am saying this. Nor am I just trying to be harsh and criticize. I am really trying to be as constructive as possible while still pointing out issues that readers may have.

Hope it helps. *Smile*
9
9
Review of The Wise Knight  
Rated: E | (3.5)
"What you seek, so shall you’ll find."

This sentence seems a little clumsy to me. Might flow better if it read "What you seek, so you shall find."

"His ruddy locks of hair" this is a bit redundant since locks, as used here, mean hair. Readers will know what you mean. Since you have to use the word hair, you could do away with locks.

Other than those two things, there wasn't much that jumped out at me. The story was good, the idea was as well. I think this idea would lend itself well to a short story format. It would be interesting to see where the character goes given a little more time to get there.
10
10
Review of Tick. Tock  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Heyyy...I wouldn't really know good poetry from bad...but I like this one.

I can just about picture a fella lying in bed trying to shut out the continual reminder that his time grows ever shorter.

I can definitely see the humor intended. But I also read the darker side of it as well.

Nice work.
11
11
Rated: E | (3.5)
I rather like this piece as well.

Only one thing that I noticed.

You had a tense change (from future to present) in the two lines "You would dwell" and "You will become..." Nothing major.
12
12
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
OK...first thing I noticed....this passage...

"All of a sudden a shrill, high pitched scream shattered the twilight air, urging the boy even faster along the forest floor."

Until right there, you had been doing a great job of translating the urgency that the character is feeling during his flight. I think a minor change in the wording would enable you to keep that tension going. Instead of saying "All of a sudden" you may try "Out of nowhere" or "From seemingly everywhere around him". Especially since that phrase is repeated later on. It looks like it might be just a "fallback" phrase. Just my thought on that.

Other than that, the piece just needs some polish. It's a good beginning to what has the potential to be a great story. I look forward to reading more of it.
13
13
Rated: E | (3.5)
I don't know much of anything about poetry. Nothing about what makes a poem good or bad. All I know is how a piece makes me feel and this one did exactly what it was supposed to do, I think. *Smile*

Nicely done.
14
14
Review of Lemonade!  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Heh...nice play. But that's a very old joke. I do like the delivery though. You did a good job of writing it and it was definitely funny. I dunno about something more clever. I think just about any addictive substance would work pretty well. For the crack part to work though...pointing out that many of the glasses of lemonade he sold were to repeat customers. Or perhaps the last customer saying something like "This is my fifth glass today"...and have mom (still not looking up) say "That's just what I thought" and then deliver the punchline.

Like I said, though. It's well written and delivered pretty well. *Smile*
15
15
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Ok....first thing...nicely written. It flows pretty well.

A couple of suggestions...

One...when the parents tell Anna what is going on...I think they are a bit too blunt about it. News like that isn't something that, if they are good parents, they would want to overwhelm her with that kind of information..

Two...the relative attractiveness of the male characters such as the one by the guy and the one in the house are pretty much irrelevant to a reader like me. I only say this because I am not sure what the rest of the story is going to look like or what age group it's aimed at. I am not trying to be harsh, but for an older audience like myself, mentioning how handsome or attractive a fella is is pretty much pointless. That would go for female characters as well. Everyone has their own idea of what "attractive" means. Your idea of it will not coincide with your reader's 99% of the time. I think it's better to simply describe the character and let the reader use their imagination to see how handsome or pretty the characters are. Sometimes, less is more.

Just my two cents. Hope it helps. *Smile*
16
16
Review of The Fun House  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Again, this is very good work.

But, again, I think you could do more to get the reader to feel the terror that Kevin feels while inside the Funhouse. I understand the limitations of trying to keep the word count in the short story guidelines. But I also feel that you are a good enough writer to get that little extra into the story that would really help transport the reader into the story.

The characters are good, the story is good. It just needs that little extra "kick".
17
17
Review of The Sound  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really like this work. It's quite creative and original. What could be worse than an irritating sound that you can't locate?

One thing I would like to have seen though is more of the frustration of it that led the main character to basically trash his brand new apartment. I believe that this could be an exceptional piece if you put a little more description of the process in it.

Other than that, it's very well written.

Nice job.
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