Wow, you wern't kidding in the gerneral discussion. I guess my threatening gesture was for naught, because this was pretty good. Not pretty good, damn good.
While I feel as though I am missing some backstory, what I have read is nicely flowing and direct. Do you have a preface for this? Or is this just the beggining?
How beautiful. I can relate to this on my own level. Though I'd be the innocent one in this equation lol.
Good story, or sharing of feelings. It is good to let it all out. Ebrace what you feel, and share it with others. Good work. You stated your thoughts cleanly and presicely.
Ah, excellent poem. Really shows the process of human emotion and pain. It has lovely rythm, and I am happy to say I do not see any grammar mistakes. Overall I can not find fault with this work. I actually quite like it, though it has a sad and dark ring to it. It is refreshing to know that despite feeling pain, "I'm standing solid on the shore."
OOOH! Good story, I must admit. I think anyone who has had a relationship online has these sort fo feeling. Maybe it is because we idealize who that person really is, maybe because our vire is skwered, no seeing the whole picture. Leaving it a clif hanger like that, sigh. Ten years and she called back?
I don't know if I would have been civil.
I kinda got the idea that your story was suggesting that the man was dating a younger girl. Because the line "You had been getting a hard time at home about your time spent online and I had finally been placed on a "performance improvement plan" at work, my boss' patience finally giving out. "
Which makes me think he was dating a woman who had a husband or a younger girl and she was getting in trouble for spending so much time on the internet.
I am suprised you haven't had a review for this. It is a great piece of poetry. I just love long poems, so this was a joy to read. I feel with longer poems, you get to read more in depth into the story the poet/author tries to covey, as it is in this case. Very beautiful work.
Other than thinking there should be a comma placed here or there, if I wanted to be picky, it is fantastic. Consider the 4 stars yours.
You have a mind of a writer, with this poem I can see it very clearly. It is very inspirational, and it tugs at the mind to read it again. Imagination is the best talents a human can posses. It just takes a little excersising to ue. We use it so frequently as childrem, to pass the bordemom, but as we grow older, weeither lose most of it, or we work to retain it.
Very interesting poem, I coulldn't hear very much rythm, but the way you wrote it seems to overcome that. It is a very fun and easygoing poem. I like the fact that you highlighted ad made the "Pumkin" bigger that the rest of the words. Good job overall.
Definetly interesting, nice peice here. I think dividing the lines more would help the poem. It flows, thats good. Don't see any grammatical errors. Also good. Overall good poem, short but good.
Great work RaisaRashed, Is this for a flash challenge? For a short piece you did great work. I really feel for Sam. I'm glad she is stong enough to walk out on that relationship. I can't imagine the feeling of marrying someone who has been cheating on you from day you were engaged! I don't know if I would of just walked away, I'd probably take revenge in some form.
It's noble that she won't let her husband ruin the way she views love. That positive attitude will help go through her pain and hopefully find a partner more deserving of her.
Overall? I think this is a good, well rounded poem. I think you describe it very well, and it seems to flow. "Frustration turns to sadness;
then sadness to self-doubt." Is a line that I really like. Because its true. And reading it and saying it aloud has the same fluidty, which I enjoy. Becuase poems were meant to be told out loud.
Very nice, it is fitting to me, since I just moved, and autum comes faster here than it did at my last residence. I hope "To be held by the thick sweater" applies to me this fall.
This was a very emotional piece. It makes me angry to think this hapened to Justin. I thought that the fact that there was Prince Justin, and the desolate justin was a great descriptions of the turmoil in Justin's soul. I just hope that Prince Justin can help his other half in the future.
Keep writing.
TheQuillDragon
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