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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tonganknight
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16 Public Reviews Given
16 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (5.0)
I couldn't find anything wrong with this.

I completely agree a handwritten note says allot more than email, txt or even a phone call.
It means you took the time out of your day to write something. There is also a complication of finding a stamp.
Great job!
2
2
Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (3.5)
I really like the description in the beginning part.

- It opens a state of mind. Kind of like nostalgia.


The only thing I noticed. There was some missing periods at the end of a few sentences.


still... better than any of my poetry. Amazing job!
3
3
Review of back to basements  
Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nicely written my favorite part was

" havent't skinned my knees in 10 years or more I find new reasons to be sore face down, washed up, same shore"

It spoke to me felt really organic.

The only thing I found wrong was no Capitals or periods, but that may be on purpose, so either way great work.
4
4
Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (3.0)
I feel like this story had a really positive feel, and I enjoyed reading it.
It painted allot of the beauty the can be found in God.

There were a couple of things that I thought could be a little better. But first consider the source. I am no "Jedi writing master" so if you disagree ignore me. You are probably right

This passage in the third paragraph confused me.

"Now another son became sick, and I could not live with the sorrow of losing another."

-I reread the passage multiple times and I could never find if this child died or just got really sick?

Other than that every thing looked good. I couldn't find any punctuation or spelling errors. Great job.

5
5
Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (3.0)
I think the titles described the entire work perfectly. It was a nice love song.

6
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Review of Where We End  
Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think it is cool how all the smashed words make a down arrow. I am sorry If this is not helpful. I know squat about poetry, but I like this
7
7
Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, that's all I can say. This is amazing. I'm a new member and this is the best thing I have read so far. It is so creative. From the way you described the aliens social structures to the way you described humans. It was perfect. The only thing I saw. Was the word "learnt" I think it's supposed to be learned. Then again I'm probably wrong I'm not Jedi Master at writing, so feel free to ignore me. This piece rock can't wait to read more.
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Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (2.0)
I like the creativity and narrative. I'm no writing master. You might want to try and be more descriptive. I think it would make your story even better. Also, paragraph structure would make your story telling allot more powerful. Good start. I liked the creativity.
9
9
Review by tonganknight
Rated: E | (3.0)
I don't know fudge about poetry either, but it sounded like you put allot of your self into it. I liked it. It felt organic and original like you bothered to create something instead of borrowed. Good job
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