Good story, easy reading, and I appreciated the absence of gory descriptions. However, the ending left me uncomfortable. I guess, the Big Dan was not portrayed evil enough to justify his casual killing. And it is also difficult to believe that a woman would "live happily ever after" without giving a thought to a murder she committed.
I really liked the first part of the story, when all kinds of mysterious things happened and the tension was growing. The ending, though, was rather disappointing. The story unraveled too fast, and the end seemed to be too simple. As in the previ9us stories, I loved the description of everything Japanese. You have good language and a subtle sense of humor. Good luck and keep writing.
A lot of lovely images in this poem. The story of diamonds falling from the sky and turning into other gems is very captivating. But for an adult it has some contradictions. The diamonds ARE best of all, it is rather disappointing that they are turning into something less perfect - as sapphires and rubies. Also, I would watch the language for repetitions on some occasions. For instance the stanza
"But they knew they had to keep them safe
So they made them satin pillows
And placed the diamonds on them
And put them under willows" has the word "them: three times - one can't have stumbling over that. Nice work, though - keep writing!
I agree - this is a very nice poem. The way I see it, beauty and youth are transient, and their loss is tragic. If no other values exist - this is the end. Fortunately, there are other important things in life - but the poor queen was just unaware of them.
This was an cute little essay about the little girl and the train. I did not quite understand where it all happenned. The teaser says "Moscow to St. Petersburg," and the story intself mentions Trans Mongolian carriage. People unfamiliar with Russia might think that both of the above-mentiones cities are in Mongolia! And who is David - a friend, and older brother? I feel that a little explanation would be helpful.
There was something I liked a lot about this poem. The celebration of senses - I come to believe that we receive the most poignant pleasure from them. Meanwhile, few people are consciously aware of the sensuous quality of life. This little poem was all about it, and it made a great statement.
I liked your poem. This is a very realistic description of abuse - or, rather of the mind of the victim. The writing was also unusual - the chorus was a good image of obsessive thoughts that go through her mind. Keep writing!
I enjoyed your story. It was an interesting glimpse into the life and traditions of your country. The dialogue was lively, and the description of children was good. Thank you and Merry Christmas!
This was a good description of a torturous sleepless night. The allusion to no control was interesting. Please use the spellchecker - the poem will look even better!
This was an interesting and tragic story. Although, I did not quite understand: was it about depression, or the loss of live, or both, and, if so, which one came first. The author captured well the hopelessness of the situation. The only detail that appeared to me out of character was that she actually washed the dishes. Would a depressed person have energy and even thought to wash the dishes, and then try to escape with her friends? Overall I though the story was intriguing and it kept my attention.
It was very imaginative. I also liked the recognizable descriptions of Japan. "trying to decipher the ads", or "a mid-aged sinewy man in a pure white short sleeve." The idea of a bug bite transforming people into something else was scary. However, I feel that the story needs just a little bit more clarity and direction. Of course, readers can imagine whatever they like, but wouldn't you, as and author, prefer that they follow you original idea?
I started to write my comment - and something happened to my computer! The note disappeared from the screen! So, if you get two - do not be surprised. I liked the poem. I liked how you anticipated the great popularity of Unicorns. But what is it so hateful about being a horse?
I like your writing - it is very descriptive, I could imagine everything you wrote about, and enjoyed it a lot.
The feeling of carefree happy childhood, of a never-ending summer is conveyed perfectly. Just make sure and run a spell-checker, because those little errors spoil the general impression.
This was a wonderful emotional writing. It read like a poem. I could see the swing and the flowers, and the whole long happy life. The fall of the season, and the setting son - all were about the end, a peaceful, expected end. The whole mood and the flow of this item were perfect. Thank you!
Such a pleasant surprise ending! Thank you so much for making my evening brighter! I was bracing myself for a sad and jealous story, and it turned out to by a wonderful fairy-tale. I enjoyed it a lot.
What a lovely story - I enjoyed it a lot. A full long great life in just a few paragraphs. I can relate to the youth of the protagonists, and the intricacies of their lives. Thank you for this profound and humane story. I am just curioius - what are the "eisteddfods?"
Shell, I just don't know how it can be rated other than perfect. This is all about mother's feelings, and this is such a difficult time for you. My younger son was in the Marines a few years ago - each time they mentioned an accident with the Marines on the TV, I was a complete wreck. My other son was in the Russian Army - yes, I have this unique experience of having had two boys, only 5 year apart, in different military forces. I did not know much about him for the whole 2 years he was there. I have a story on this website called "Visiting her son in the army" - it is about my personal experience. I cannot imagine anything scarier than having a son in the military in the time of the war. All my thoughts and all my love are with the mothers of whose children are at the front line. I was blessed - there was no war while my children were serving.
This would be a nice Christmas story, although, of course, it happened in summer. This idea of two girl helping their mother is very good to teach children kindness, and the good stranger instills hope. Of course, the premise that a girl selling lemonade could in any way defray medical costs sounds unbelievable, but in the context of an almost fairy-tale it is acceptable. The sentence "No one had yet to buy one of Emily's rocks." does not sound grammatically correct. It should be "No one bought yet", or "Someone had yet to buy." On the whole, very good story. Thank you!
Happy Birthday! That was a nice and philosophical way to celebrate. It seems you had a great life, that was touched by most of the important historic events. I could almost follow my own reading about yours - on the other end of the world, in Russia. Wishing you many more creative and inspiring years!
This was a nice allegory that reminded me of Orwell. The metaphors and the general sense of doom is well shown. But chickens in the trees add a touch of humor that seems to be a little bit misplaced. Keep up good writing!
I liked this poem - both the content and the form. It maked a godd firm statement, and at the same time it is simle and easy to read with a good flow. It sounds like a positive affirmation. Keep writing!
What a pleasant surprise! After mostly macabre stories, this one is really perfect - the happy end, and subtle humor, and this wonderful Japanese tint, with the morning crowd and beautiful coffee cups! Thank you for the treat!
Thank you for sharing. Very strong writing that allowed a glimpse into the realm unknown to most. I understand that the author was under the influence of powerful emotions, while writing this. But still, I would like to offer a couple of simple recommendations. Run the spell-check: the words "absence" and "despair" were misspelled. Also, some formatting (indents and spacing between paragraphs) would make it easier to read. Good luck with your writing!
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